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My husband and I are in our early 70s and have been retired for 5+ years. Our net worth is significant and we are fortunate to have a generous retirement income and lifestyle. Our adult children are in their 40s, have good incomes and various retirement benefits. Is there a good, better, best time and way to share our estate plans, net worth or other details about our future plans with your adult children?
It vert much depends on the circumstances, and the kids.
I am the only one in our family who has any interest in finances. My folks had a rag tag collection of stocks ( inherited from their parents) with cost basis in one case in the pennies. They never sold much but fortunately they had a great pension. They never told me much, other than giving me POA over their accounts when they were over ninety, so I knew where things stood. It didnt take long to sort things out, other than one gotcha that could have been prevented if my parents had told us about large gift they had made.
Neither of our kids is interested either. One has limited financial needs which she can easily meet if she continues to work, now we have helped her buy a house, which we freely disclosed. The other kids spouse’s family is very well off and helped with their house. We have told them we will be gifting them stock irregularly, but some years maybe not.
We try to keep things even but dont feel any compulsion to compete with the other-in-laws, and if we died tomorrow, one kid would be well ahead in gifts from us, but the other still has more assets.
So the bottom line is we disclose the basics, tell them we will be fair, but they know and accept that we are not trying to be 50/50.
It helps a lot that both kids like each other and talk a lot and that the new spouse adores her sister-in-law and vice versa. If there were already major conflicts, we would have to have a different plan I guess.
Appreciate your input, my one son has similar support from his in laws, fair is a good approach, fortunately my kids like each other
One daughter was mid 30 and the other late 20s when I gave them a copy of my will. Now both in their 40s I have shared everything with them. I’m on my second marriage so I think it’s important to understand how our estates will be divided. There is also a letter explaining our rationale for TOD and POD designations, and also where to find documents and passwords. We are fortunate to not have any trust issues with any of our beneficiaries.
My involvement in my family’s estate planning is likely not the norm, but I eventually came away with an appreciation of the process. I hope this offspring-side view can be useful to you, Jane. I suggest sharing early and often with your adult children, to the point where the discussions become casual and routine.
As a teen and only child, I sat at the table with my parents as they constructed their will and planned their last wishes. My mother died unexpectedly a few years later and my father began introducing me to his financial affairs. Then, I would have rather been anywhere else than in a financial discourse. Gradually the information seeped in though and the conversations became two-way. My competence with financial matters grew as did my confidence. I had a key to my father’s safe, copies of his insurance policies, and all his legal documents. Beginning in his 50’s and until an Alzheimer’s diagnosis in his late 70’s, my father updated me annually with his account summaries and tax returns.
Having so much financial information helped me to navigate step-family dynamics upon my father’s death and to be his executor. I was grateful for that help but do wish we had openly discussed finances with my step-mother; she was largely uninformed about his estate plans until his dementia set in. Feeling torn, I wished to honor my father’s initial intentions but also to do the right thing for her. In the end, I opted for the latter and we divided the estate equitably.