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Pre-Covid, when I wasn’t traveling, a friend and I delivered lunches for Meals on Wheels. We worked twice a month, for over ten years. Sometimes the list of recipients stayed the same for months, at other times we’d see two or three replacements in quick succession.
A couple of guys each had a room in a shared house. A couple of women lived in apartment buildings. Some people lived in what was obviously low income/subsidized housing. But most people lived in single-family homes, sometimes very nice single family homes with well-tended grounds. While one woman had filled her living room with boxes and received us in her wheelchair in the hall, most houses looked to be in good condition.
Almost everyone we saw lived alone, although a few had caretakers, at least for an hour or two. For others it’s likely we were the only people they saw that day. There was one charming older couple, who received us at the top of the steps to their house in a small residential enclave off a main drag.
When someone dropped off the list we would ask about the change. Sometimes the person had gone to hospital and sometimes they later returned, but sometimes they had gone to hospital and were then no longer able to live alone. Sometimes relatives had stepped in and moved the person to some form of assisted living or nursing care. In the case of the married couple the husband eventually died, and it became clear that the wife couldn’t manage alone.
Most of these people were aging in place (a few were younger but in ill health). Over time, almost everyone on our original list was unable to continue to do so. I don’t say that seeing these people trying to manage alone is what convinced me to move to a Continuing Care Retirement Community, but I have to believe that at least subconsciously it influenced me to look into senior living options other than staying in my house. It also informed my concern for surviving spouses.
In my 50s I volunteered with RideConnect, which gives free rides to seniors in our county. (Here’s a story I wrote about it back during the pandemic.) It was eye-opening how many doctors’ appointments people had, but I also transported non-driving folks in the front seat of my Subaru to health clubs and mah jongg gatherings. I chatted with a lot of people who hadn’t talked to anyone else that day and saw the wide range of how people are aging in place. Like mytimetotravel, it made me start thinking about future options other than staying put in a house alone and unable to drive.
Wow, that’s a big program! I don’t know of anything similar here, but bus rides are free and the town provides some door-to-door service for the disabled and seniors, although usually at a small fee.
It’s a little ironic that now I’ve moved to a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) there’s a grocery store practically next door, restaurants in walking distance and a bus stop right outside. Even without rides provided by the CCRC, I have a lot more access if I choose not to drive than I did at my house.
This is something that worries me, but I can’t see myself voluntarily moving to retirement community. I have a friend in Florida who has and loves it. But I spent over 30 years caring for elderly relatives and in that time I haven’t seen a facility I’d want to move in to. Someday I might not have a choice, but for now I just hope I never have to make the choice.
Well, all I can tell you is that I am very happy with my choice – I wrote about it recently. But it is a full Continuing Care Retirement Community, and I am in a large new apartment in Independent Living. If you just saw nursing homes you might well have a different impression.
I can imagine your experience did have something to do with your outlook and plans. When we see older folks dealing with issues by themselves or virtually so, it’s a reminder not to wait too late to at least have plans for a place where we’ll have some support, imperfect though it may be (it being CCRC, home care or whatever).
It must have had an effect. I’m an introvert, and I was perfectly happy home alone during Covid, but if my arthritis hadn’t been controlled by medication, and my eye disease fixed by some very delicate surgery, I could have needed MoW myself. Nothing useful, including a bus stop, was easy limping distance from my house. My CCRC, however, is working well so far.
Good for you Kathy, and the others who help our neighbors with a basic need. We’ve done some volunteering a food bank in Phila some years ago. I echo the “There but for the grace …l sentiment.
Thanks Rick, for the comment and your volunteer work. Sadly, the line between just making it and falling through the holes in the social safety net is very thin.
I deliver Meals on Wheels once or twice a week. For me it’s a regular reminder to appreciate how lucky I am to be alive, financially stable and living with people who love me. All of the clients on my current route live alone, in trailers or small senior condos or tiny apartments in subsidized low-income buildings. or in one case a motel room. And on some days I can tell that I’m definitely their only visitor.
The thing is, almost all of them are my age or younger (68). Their lives have been derailed by health problems or alcohol or any of the other circumstances that can derail a life. I would love to ask about their stories, but I fear being intrusive, so I just chat with those who want to, and hope they volunteer some details. And they uplift me. I come home after every route with my spirits high.
And I picture myself in their circumstances.
It could have happened. I have no close family of my own, and if I hadn’t met my wife and been so enthusiastically adopted by hers, I might be alone in the world today, like my clients. And if my cancer fight had done more substantial damage to my body and my finances, I might be in a trailer somewhere, laboring to cook my own meals, and perhaps deciding to have one delivered every day so I’d have somebody to talk to.
I am not at all religious, but still one of my favorite sayings is, “There but for the grace…”
Thanks, Mike. Sounds like our routes were a bit different, but nonetheless, I agree, “there but for fortune“.
We turned to Meals on Wheels for my brother with dementia (who was living alone in an apartment down the street from me) once we had to unplug his stove for his, and his neighbors’ safety.
At one point my other brother and I were investigating group living settings. One day I was out of state for a job interview and received a call from the fire department that my brother had fallen down the stairs and was discovered by the meal delivery person. This is an under appreciated benefit of the service.
My brother was hospitalized without major injuries and was eventually placed in a nursing home with the assistance of the hospital’s social service worker.
David, that’s a responsibility that is emphasized to every delivery driver. We check on every client. A number of my colleagues have found people fallen, injured or deceased. I’m glad your brother had MOW.
I’m sorry about your brother and glad he was found. We didn’t have access to most places, but if no-one answered the door, or a phone call, we would report that to “HQ”.
Thanks for this, Kathy. My grandma received MOW back in the day. I am wondering if it might be a good thing to look into for my mother in law. Chris.
Can’t hurt to look into it. Looks like this is the place to start.