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Between Thanksgiving and the New Year, I mourned the passing of five people in my life. All were born in the 1920s or ’30s—a generation that navigated world wars and technological revolutions, from the birth of air travel to the digital age. While they shared a history, each taught me a valuable lesson about how they enjoyed and suffered life in their own unique ways.
I recently came across an interview with 94-year-old author Judith Viorst on her tips for the “Final Fifth” of life. Two of her insights struck me deeply:
“Asking for help is a good way not to fall down.”
“Our kids wish to keep us safe at all costs, and we want to maintain our autonomy at all costs: it’s the natural tension that connects us.”
I am trying to acquire patience, but I’ve realized I would rather have the wisdom of the ages now, rather than waiting another decade or two to earn it. They say smart people learn from their own experience, but the wise learn from the experiences of others.
To the “wise ones” in this community who are in their 80s or 90s: Please share your life lessons.
What has surprised you most about this later stage of life, (e.g. social invisibility?). How have you coped?
Looking back, what plans or worries from your early retirement years now seem unimportant?
What is the one attitude or perspective you intend to hold onto for the rest of your life?
I look forward to learning from your journeys.
Quan:
May God Bless you in your time of sorrow.
My older brother was KIA in Vietnam in 1965, when I was 15.
I lost my nom and step mom in a 10 month span, in 2010-2011.
My dad died at 53, very early on in my life, 1980, when I was 29.
My younger broither died of AIDS in 1991, when I was 41.
My stepdad died at 94, in 2018, when I was 68.
My younger sister died in 2020, when I was 70.
Question 1. We never know when our loved ones will leave us, but at my age, (75) I have few loved ones left to lose…my wife, my two children, and one younger sister, (who is 72 and is suffering from dementi aand has just moved in with her daughter,) all all the family I have left. My wife is in a similar situation, with two of her siblings still living, but her parents and 3 other siblings having already passed.
Question 2. I retired in 2024. I have’t really been surprised by anything…but I was amazed to feel the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders, when I realized that I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do, because other than my wife of 51 years, I owed nothing to anyone. We are debt free, no mortgage, and have well more than we need financially. Originally, like most retirees, I was concerned about the money lasting as long as iwedo, but annuities and Social Security solved that issue. Our guanteed income is almost twice our retirement expoenses…with only using 4% of our portfolio annually. If we need additional income in the future, we can simply stop using our RMDs ($16,777.31 in 2026) as QCDs.
After reading Bill Perkins’ book, Die With Zero, we have begun gifting annual gifts to our 2 children, rather than waiting for them to inherit whatever is left, when we die.
Question 3. Because we are financially free, I have been volunteering pro-bono at my church, a food pantry, Meals on Wheels, and a number of other charities through my affiliation with the Knights of Columbus.
To fulfill a life long ambition to earn my doctorate, I am also completing a doctoral degree in Ministry and became a licensed chaplain. The secret to a fulfilling life is now, and always will be, service to others.
Happy New Year!
Thank you, Mike. Happy New Year to you and yours.
Condolences on your losses, Quan.
They do tend to come in bunches.
Thank you. The timing of death is rarely ours to know, but the choice of how to spend the time we have left is a profound power we all still hold.
1. What has surprised you most about this later stage of life, (e.g. social invisibility?). How have you coped?
Not much has surprised me, but as to coping after retiring I started a couple of new careers by teaching college and working part-time as a reference and legal librarian.
2. Looking back, what plans or worries from your early retirement years now seem unimportant?
Money, it’s hanging around longer than I expected, therefore is not as important as family.
3. What is the one attitude or perspective you intend to hold onto for the rest of your life?
To be independent and not have to rely on the children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren. To share any abundance now, not just after I die.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Thank you for sharing your concern about your mom and your insights, especially number 3.
We used to grieve the loss of our daily conversations when my father in-law was afflicted by dementia. But before he died, his mind cleared just enough to show us that, all along, he had never lost his awareness of our love.
Nothing major on 1 and 2. Item 3 – I strongly believe that everyone’s life should have purpose. When I retired at age 66, I retired from work, not life. I had goals and ambitions. Some were filled and others not. At age 81 I still have goals and ambitions to help others and serve my Master.
Amen. An investment into perpetuity! : )
Great post – looking forward to the comments. I’m sorry for your losses, I too am beginning to drink from that bitter cup.
“They say smart people learn from their own experience, but the wise learn from the experiences of others.” Sounds like a polite variation on Otto von Bismarck’s “Only a fool learns from his own mistakes; the wise man learns from the mistakes of others.”
My favorite amalgamation, often misattributed to Socrates, is: “Smart people learn from everything and everyone, average people learn from experience and stupid people already know everything.”
Thanks Langston.
Wisdom does not belong to a single person but is being built on shoulders of giants.
Well, I guess 82 qualifies, but maybe I don’t. Nothing has surprised me. Nothing has changed from earlier retirement until now.
My greatest fear is losing independence and being required to rely on others or being a burden on our children.
I intend never to give up, never to compromise. But these days we take one day at a time.
Your sharing is appreciated.
I should have invited ‘the next generation’ to share their modern wisdom too, so that the older generations could maintain a sense of wonder that never gets old.