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When I’m turning a tricky problem over in my mind, my normal port of call is my wife Suzie…she’s much more sensible than me. But I have an issue I can’t ask her thoughts on. The reason is simple — it’s a secret that she knows nothing about. So I thought I’d canvass opinions from the Humble Dollar community.
Right now I’m thinking of offering four separate loans to extended family members, and the backstory is straightforward. My wife Suzie turns 60 in late November. A WhatsApp group was set up to coordinate a secret overseas trip to celebrate together — flights, fancy accommodation, the works. Then, just before Christmas, our daughter announced her wedding. Suddenly the same group of people had two major overseas expenses landing within months of each other. For some of them, that’s one trip too many.
The majority of our secret WhatsApp group have suggested a solution is to push the birthday trip back six months. But here’s my thoughts — once the day passes, it’s a memory. You can’t go back and celebrate a 60th that came and went six months ago. So rather than reschedule it into irrelevance, I’m thinking of suggesting I cover everyone’s costs upfront and let them settle up when they can. They’ve all indicated that they would be in a better position for the trip in six months, so I feel repayment would be within that timeframe…give or take.
I’m not even going to call it a loan. The way I’m pitching it is simple — I’ll float the trip until everyone is in a better position. No pressure, no timeline. It sounds like a small distinction but I think it matters. A loan has weight to it. This is just family looking after family.
I trust them completely. That probably sounds like the thing every cautious friend warns you never to say. Maybe they’re right. But keeping everyone at the table and facilitating a family event feels worth more to me than protecting my wallet.
To me, I’d be ensuring a memorable 60th birthday for my wife Suzie with people we care about. What do you think? Am I making the cardinal sin by lending to family? Have you had bad or good experiences leading to loved ones to push a special event over the line?
Forget the word and concept of lending. Suzie is your love, just pay for the trip. Let them push their funding back six months.
Postpone the whole trip and there will be other excuses later. Sounds like some folks had grand ideas but not the funds to back them up.
I trusted my wife’s sister when we gave her a loan for 5K USD…until I didn’t. That money would have doubled twice since then. I am bitter. I could use 20K today. My wife lost a sister because the sister no longer face us after stealing the money. If you are going into this not ever expecting the money back thats fine. Also, have you considered some of these family members may be using the money factor as an excuse not to go? I admittedly do not know your family dynamics….good luck!
Beyond the expenses of the trip, could there be a limited-time-away-from-their-jobs factor leading them to suggest postponing the birthday event for 6 months?
Or is the birthday just a weekend away? I ask because our younger family members do have time constraints and can’t schedule week-long, fun events the same way retirees can.
I think your plan is great. I would absolutely do it. Never mind any advice about lending to family. I agree with Greg below, and you’re already not calling it a loan. Sounds to me like you’ve accepted that if it takes forever (or longer) to get it back, it’s all good. Also, it’s not for them, it’s for Suzie and you. Make it happen and enjoy.
Mark, I commend your plan – go for it! But I also remember the advice I was given once – always consider a loan to a family member as a gift. If it does get repaid, that’s a bonus.
I agree with this. You have a generous heart, Mark. Chris