I’d guess it’s all about perspective. My husband’s aunt lived in London ( his mother was one of 10 kids born in Ireland; a few stayed in Ireland, 3 came to the US, and the rest went to the UK. The aunt desperately needed a hip replacement— she was barely mobile but on a “wait list.” She eventually got the replacement — after the hip broke! I don’t see this as a real choice. If I couldn’t function for more than a year, I’d see the situation as inadequate access that paying more — either with a higher tax or private insurance.
Maybe— but I’d see it more like medigap insurance. Discretionary, but I do feel obliged to pay for it. True, it’s not a tax, but if necessary to assure health care, I’d take it as an essential expense.
My husband doesn’t care about money, and was very willing to hand over responsibility to me. I did it all for decades, but then I realized the problem being created by his ignorance of our finances. I have one friend who had major problems after her husband’s death; she has two great children but each was dealing with life-threatening illness. I told my husband I was no longer empowering his learned helplessness. Yes, we’re still married!! But it is important to realize both partners have responsibility for the situation where one isn’t interested in finances. And it also means the one who worked with the money, has to give up some control. I wouldn’t say my husband is a money whiz, but he’s definitely getting better,
When I replied about assisted living below, I was thinking of the technical (insurance) definition where you can’t do several daily tasks— dressing, feeding, toileting, etc. If you have a looser definition related to household work, cooking etc, there are more options. Some retirement communities don’t require the big upfront payments associated with a CCRC. But I’d spend time getting to know who you’ll be living with. You and your wife may still be pretty active; it could be difficult living with people who are much older and incapacitated. As for the downsizing— I did my parents’ house where they’d lived for 60 years, I quickly determined what things I wanted from the house and arranged for them them to be moved. I hired a realtor who handled the sale of the house, an estate sale person disposed of the unwanted contents, and a cleaner prepped the house for the new owners. I say this because it is possible to downsize or relocate without a ton of effort. On the other hand, 3 years ago, my husband and I packed up the contents of our house so it could be rewired. We didn’t move and all our things were packed into two rooms oh our house. But the work was horrific!!!! So there really are options — the downsize or total removal can be pretty easy or truly awful ; it depends on the decisions you make.
From the photos I’ve seen of people living in assisted living, I think you’d likely be much younger than everyone else, That could a hard. But I don’t see waiting as resulting in a more difficult move. You really can’t take a lot of stuff to an assisted living place and there are operations that will run estate sales for your goods. A realtor could handle the sale of your house.
You really want a situation where some know and others don’t? I think that could lead to real family problems down the road. My mother shared her finances with me, but not my brother. It wasn’t good after her death.
I think it’s well past the time you shared everything. When you and your wife are in your 80s, things can change rapidly. It’s unfair to leave the kids unprepared. We did it with all children— not spouses—present. We basically told them everything. Pensions— they would inherit if both of us don’t live to 87– investments, savings, 529, and cds, real estate, etc. They also have copies of our wills, and were asked if they had suggestions for changes. They know everything— how much and where it is. They also know how we spend— for example, when our real estate taxes are due on our houses.. Who knows when they might have to take over. I admit getting the kids to agree to the meeting wasn’t easy. They claimed it wasn’t necessary. It was.
Comments
I’d guess it’s all about perspective. My husband’s aunt lived in London ( his mother was one of 10 kids born in Ireland; a few stayed in Ireland, 3 came to the US, and the rest went to the UK. The aunt desperately needed a hip replacement— she was barely mobile but on a “wait list.” She eventually got the replacement — after the hip broke! I don’t see this as a real choice. If I couldn’t function for more than a year, I’d see the situation as inadequate access that paying more — either with a higher tax or private insurance.
Post: …..taxes and you
Link to comment from June 13, 2026
Maybe— but I’d see it more like medigap insurance. Discretionary, but I do feel obliged to pay for it. True, it’s not a tax, but if necessary to assure health care, I’d take it as an essential expense.
Post: …..taxes and you
Link to comment from June 12, 2026
I have several friends in the UK who have private health insurance as well as NHS. How would the addition of that affect your calculation?
Post: …..taxes and you
Link to comment from June 12, 2026
You have a responsibility to change that attitude. And it IS up to you.
Post: Time to share our financial info with children?
Link to comment from June 8, 2026
My husband doesn’t care about money, and was very willing to hand over responsibility to me. I did it all for decades, but then I realized the problem being created by his ignorance of our finances. I have one friend who had major problems after her husband’s death; she has two great children but each was dealing with life-threatening illness. I told my husband I was no longer empowering his learned helplessness. Yes, we’re still married!! But it is important to realize both partners have responsibility for the situation where one isn’t interested in finances. And it also means the one who worked with the money, has to give up some control. I wouldn’t say my husband is a money whiz, but he’s definitely getting better,
Post: Time to share our financial info with children?
Link to comment from June 7, 2026
When I replied about assisted living below, I was thinking of the technical (insurance) definition where you can’t do several daily tasks— dressing, feeding, toileting, etc. If you have a looser definition related to household work, cooking etc, there are more options. Some retirement communities don’t require the big upfront payments associated with a CCRC. But I’d spend time getting to know who you’ll be living with. You and your wife may still be pretty active; it could be difficult living with people who are much older and incapacitated. As for the downsizing— I did my parents’ house where they’d lived for 60 years, I quickly determined what things I wanted from the house and arranged for them them to be moved. I hired a realtor who handled the sale of the house, an estate sale person disposed of the unwanted contents, and a cleaner prepped the house for the new owners. I say this because it is possible to downsize or relocate without a ton of effort. On the other hand, 3 years ago, my husband and I packed up the contents of our house so it could be rewired. We didn’t move and all our things were packed into two rooms oh our house. But the work was horrific!!!! So there really are options — the downsize or total removal can be pretty easy or truly awful ; it depends on the decisions you make.
Post: Moving is Expensive!
Link to comment from June 7, 2026
From the photos I’ve seen of people living in assisted living, I think you’d likely be much younger than everyone else, That could a hard. But I don’t see waiting as resulting in a more difficult move. You really can’t take a lot of stuff to an assisted living place and there are operations that will run estate sales for your goods. A realtor could handle the sale of your house.
Post: Moving is Expensive!
Link to comment from June 6, 2026
You really want a situation where some know and others don’t? I think that could lead to real family problems down the road. My mother shared her finances with me, but not my brother. It wasn’t good after her death.
Post: Time to share our financial info with children?
Link to comment from June 6, 2026
I think it’s well past the time you shared everything. When you and your wife are in your 80s, things can change rapidly. It’s unfair to leave the kids unprepared. We did it with all children— not spouses—present. We basically told them everything. Pensions— they would inherit if both of us don’t live to 87– investments, savings, 529, and cds, real estate, etc. They also have copies of our wills, and were asked if they had suggestions for changes. They know everything— how much and where it is. They also know how we spend— for example, when our real estate taxes are due on our houses.. Who knows when they might have to take over. I admit getting the kids to agree to the meeting wasn’t easy. They claimed it wasn’t necessary. It was.
Post: Time to share our financial info with children?
Link to comment from June 6, 2026
Two packages of Goldfish crackers?? Should have invested the money instead. And I hope the cranberry juice didn’t have added sugar!
Post: Shopping carts again…but not what you think
Link to comment from June 3, 2026