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I found a dead cockroach, feet up in the air, in the kitchen, and it struck me that I haven’t done anything productive either over the last two months. Even sleeping late has proven impossible, thanks to my Shih Tzu. My efforts to start a second, part-time career is bogged down in paperwork—far more than I ever anticipated. Apparently, working in my field for over 40 years with a solid reputation is enough to convince recruiters of my competence, but not the bureaucracy; documentation is essential.
My attendance at the gym has been irregular at best. On the flip side, alcohol consumption is way down, though that might be due to stricter surveillance since my daughter is home preparing for her Master’s degree. Most of the projects I planned are yet to take off, which I blame on the delay in getting a schedule for my second career. Consequently, there’s been no horse riding or swimming lessons (and roller skating has been vetoed by the combined forces of my wife and daughter). I’ve downloaded a zillion books from a free website and plan to get to them soon, but for the time being, TV is my main standby. My neighbor tells me that sitting continuously for more than six hours a day increases mortality by 20%; I wonder whether alternating between my couch and my study chair would negate that. I also wonder whether nodding off while watching counts as sitting (bad) or sleeping (good).
I do spend more time with my wife, but mostly watching TV together. Her favorite programs but I am getting to like them. Skipping religious functions is no more an option, as I am unable to come up with convincing (work-related) excuses.
I visited my previous workplace several times, but only to fulfill my commitment to holding our annual conference. The event went well, and my ex-boss even invited me to start planning next year’s, which was kind of flattering. My former junior colleagues gathered around each time and assured me that I am missed, not only by them but by clients as well, claiming the office is “not the same without me.” However, I’ve noticed the only phone calls I get from the organization are from those who didn’t know I had retired (colleagues and clients), and frequency of these calls have rapidly fallen off.
I’ve repeatedly looked through my finances and am now almost convinced that we will survive into our nineties without starving. I also found a couple of instances where my chartered accountant (CA) didn’t do his work, which resulted in my government getting more money than it deserved. The amount is small, but I was reminded of a financial adviser who suggested not to think of the present value of money, but what it would have grown into if invested correctly. This is a mental trick to persuade you to save more, and my saving days should be over. Yet, I seem to be stuck in the saving mode, and the loss (reversible, I hope) engulfed me in a fit of righteous anger. My wife looked at me curiously (I seem to get that look a lot these days) and asked, “Are you the same guy who used to say, ‘It’s only money’?”
The Healthy Life Expectancy Calculator from The Goldenson Center, University of Connecticut, assures me that I have 20.5 years of healthy life ahead of me (with an additional 8.1% if I could sleep more. My newly acquired Garmin Forerunner 265 concurs). I’m not sure whether that is good or bad.
I feel you. I retired in July and don’t really feel I’ve found my rhythm. I’m not really watching more TV than usual, and I’m still being somewhat productive, but there are things I thought I’d be doing more of by now—having people over, decluttering closets and cabinets, taking on more ambitious recipes, volunteering for a local charity…I just don’t have a ton of energy for it all. I’m sure it’s not that I miss my job—I absolutely do not miss it. But I’m still discombobulated.
I’m giving myself some grace and telling myself that January after the holidays will be my “new year, new me” starting point. I’ll try to get some things done in the meantime and do some research so that I’m ready to go after the holidays.
I’ve been preparing for retirement from full-time employment for about a year and next week will be it for me. I’ve trained an internal promotion who has worked under me for a few years, and she will run the finance department quite well. I like what I do and where I work, but I don’t intend to look back, and I feel certain the organization will be just fine without me. I’ve got things to do, things I’d like to do, and I’ll figure out the rest. I’m sure it will be ok if you give yourself time and space to figure it out as well.
I’m pretty sure its a good thing. It sounds as though you just need more time to settle into your new journey. And don’t hesitate to consult your primary care doctor about these thoughts. He or she may know a good therapist or counselor for you to discuss this with at length. I assure you that you will not regret it. Good luck!
Byjove, lots of great comments below. I agree with Chris that you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself, and also with Ed that you have put lots of stuff on your plate.
I think that it is more difficult for a highly motivated worker to transition into retirement than it is for a slug that only showed up for the paycheck. I’m certain you were a highly motivated guy.
I hope that you haven’t become depressed, however, if you think this is an issue, there is no shame in talking to your health care provider.
You proabably should schedule something — maybe a month of swimming classes. That way, if the part time work comes through, you won’t forfeit a big commitment. But do schedule SOMETHING. Developing a lifestyle of aimlessness isn’t great— as bad as being overscheduled.
Sorry things aren’t working out the way you expected so far. Nothing to be done about the dog, but maybe an interim schedule would help? Riding at 2:00 on a Monday may not work with your part-time gig, but you can always move the class. Same with the gym. Instead of your wife’s “religious functions”, maybe there are some volunteer opportunities you could get involved with. I doubt there are many religious organizations that couldn’t use another volunteer.
Byjove – I also wear a Garmin Forerunner 265, and I don’t think the sleep app is particularly helpful. The Sleep Coach is even more useless. Telling me I need more sleep (a precise amount) implies that I have some level of control over my sleep cycle. But it doesn’t consider how much the dog is scratching or licking, how many times I have to visit the bathroom, or worry about my kids or grandkids when I’m trying to sleep.
Byjove, I love the humorous jabs at your sputtering start to a successful retirement. I suspect you don’t need advice, but I’ll take a stab at it. It sounds like you’ve overfilled your plate and don’t know where to start. I suggest you take one first bite, preferably something active to balance the TV time. What about a daily walk?
Thanks, Ed. And all the others for their replies. No, I don’t think that I am depressed (though I will probably be the last one to know about it), and I have been warned (by multiple YouTubers; does that count?) that the transition period will be difficult. So, as someone said, forewarned is fourlegged. Or something like that. But great advice and support – thanks, all. And swimming for starters lessons sounds good to me.
I can’t help you much with your retirement blues — I retired in 2008, and have yet to grasp the purpose of life, unless it involves watching old episodes of Chicago P.D. back to back.
An active physical life is, however, a good thing and I heartily recommend the gym for all that ails you. (I’m not convinced swimming is particularly beneficial for mammals. I have yet to see a slim hippo). The gym, however, has been tremendously helpful in keeping me sane post-retirement — that’s admittedly an unverified claim — as
(1) it makes you feel instantly good about yourself (an instant being approximately eighteen months of blood, sweat and lumbar pain, but it does pay off);
(2) you meet all kinds of interesting people there, some of whom will give you stock market tips which, coming from a fat bloke in an ill-fitting track suit, you might be disinclined to act upon; and
(3) there are yoga mats in case you want to take a quick nap away from the Shih Tzu and wife.
Don’t plan too far ahead. A wise friend once told me that every penny left in your bank account when you die is proof that you worked that extra bit for nothing.
Yes–and take the dog with you. It will hopefully help both of you sleep a little more!
Perhaps follow up on the offer to start planning a conference, as a volunteer? Or share some of your accumulated knowledge in ways other than a part-time career?
I volunteer as a treasurer at a local non-profit, an opportunity I found three months into retirement. The position is a good match to my interests and allows me to channel my still-present work ethic into meaningful work. Calling meetings, reviewing and writing documents, and working with others on a regular basis is stimulating and rewarding, and seems quite well-received by the organization.
Byjove, it is a journey. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I am not sure what kind of certifications and paperwork you are working on to be able to do your consulting work, but try to take it a day at a time and do the next best thing. Your relationship with your wife will settle out. We found that being together 24 hours a day was an adjustment. Mostly good, but sometimes hard.
My spouse has found joy working in our garden growing vegetables. I get such a kick out of how they are doing things like canning peppers and making refrigerator pickles. I am sure you will find an easy rhythm too. Give it some time. I am rooting for you. (We are about 18 mos ahead of you in the retirement road) Chris
Byjove, glad that this is a safe spot on the internet to be able to write down how great a challenge this transition is.
I really feel for you – the phase of life that should be fun and exciting instead feels difficult and disorienting.
I have no advice to offer, but I just hope that things begin to turn around for you. All the very best.
Greg is right, keep writing. Chris
To use a modern phrase, I fear you’ve “failed to launch” into your retirement. But that’s okay; it’s early days. However, I feel if you continue to be stuck in “TV mode”, it will eventually not be okay. Maybe use some of that passive viewing time to rekindle or discover some activities you’re passionate about? I wish you well on your journeys. Thanks for the update and post; keep them coming.