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ONE OF THE POSITIVE outcomes of my unsuccessful life: I’ve had an incentive to study ways to be successful.
Among the self-improvement materials I’ve looked at, many have titles like “how to become…” or something similar. The good ones are easy to understand and make you feel it’s possible for you to achieve whatever they’re selling.
When the material is delivered in person, you get the advantage of a great presentation from a dynamic public speaker. These folks are the modern equivalent of the old snake oil salesman. They’re all gifted salespeople. I’m not knocking them. I just understand that, like all successful salespeople, they’re good at convincing you that what they’re selling is what you need.
One such presenter was Zig Ziglar. He was a former salesman who grew up poor in Alabama and Mississippi, one of 12 children. He discovered the self-help arena and began presenting his “pitch” in books and in person. He found he could make more money selling self-improvement than he could selling pots and pans door-to-door, which is how he started out.
Self-help gurus often use catch phrases to make their ideas memorable. One of Ziglar’s catch phrases was “stinking thinking.” I liked it because it rhymed, plus I could relate to the idea, because I frequently did and still do this type of thinking. I suspect we all do.
“Stinking thinking” is dwelling on negative thoughts. This sort of thinking doesn’t do us any good, and yet we do it anyway. It usually happens to me when I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I don’t fall back to sleep right away. Instead, I lie in the dark and start thinking. Inevitably, I begin pondering the “what ifs.” You know the sort of thing I’m talking about: “What will happen if this happens?” “Will I get that promotion?” “Will my dad make it through the operation?”
The only thing “stinking thinking” does is cause me to worry and lose sleep.
Knowing that “stinking thinking” is going to happen, I take the “stinking thinking” thought, get out of bed and write it down, along with the possible solutions to the problem. I’ve read that your mind doesn’t know the difference between important and unimportant thoughts. All thoughts are considered equal, and our mind doesn’t want us to forget the thought in question. If I can solve my “stinking thinking” thought or, at least, write it down, my mind is tricked into believing the problem is solved or that it won’t be forgotten, and I can then usually fall back to sleep.
“Stinking thinking” is most detrimental to me in the middle of the night. But these thoughts can come to me at all hours of the day or night. One trick I’ve found is to always carry a scrap of paper and a pen in my pocket. When a thought hits me, and I need to somehow resolve it, I write it down, so I remember to address it later.
What if I don’t write it down? The thought will hijack my brain. Indeed, the sooner the thought is resolved or at least put down on paper, the sooner I can get on with the important things in my life.
In the words of Bill Clinton, “I feel your pain”. Thanks for sharing Dave.
When I was a teenager/young adult I read Dale Carnegie’s book entitled How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (later I discovered my worrying is actually anxiety). Anyways, his solution is to think of the worst outcome, come to accept that, and then any other outcome an improvement. Does not work in all situations of course, especially when the outcome may be death.
I suffer from this horrible affliction and I thank you for writing about it. What do you do when it strikes in the middle of the night? Paper and pen might not do the job for me in the middle of the night.
Why not? Get up, write it all down, go back to bed. (the middle of the night is the only time this IS a problem for me…)
David,
Great post!
Unfortunately, it describes me 100% ☹️
David I think it’s great that you’ve found a solution that works for you. However, if positive and negative thoughts are equal to the brain? What causes some people to mire in negativity while others are annoyingly optimistic?
My daughter has told me I’m “annoyingly cheerful” in the early morning. Cheeky girl.
I’m with you, Ed. In addition to being cheerful, I sang in the morning too. Afraid I was annoying as well.
Marjorie, seems to me like you are carrying on the tradition of your mom and you singing when you were a kid.
My whole family were music lovers, Dan. As mom’s memory faded she would ask me to sing a certain song and. She would then sing with me, helping her to remember the words. Sweet memories.
That is sweet! Thanks
This same question plagues me, Dan. But I think it may have to do with inborn temperament. I used to teach new mothers how to respond to and nurture their children and the curriculum on temperament was one of my favorites. The old cup half full vs. half empty.
My Dad is full cup, whereas my mother is empty cup, and I’m normally 95% full cup. Money would help my mom’s view of life, but she never worked on her financial or self-care skills. A lesson to be learned.