FREE NEWSLETTER
AS I WATCH MY daughter gleefully play with her toes and stare in wonder as she turns the pages of a new book, I’ve never felt more fulfilled. The day she entered the world, I knew I’d finally found my true purpose.
I’ve always believed that money buys us choices, and I wanted a lot of choices and flexibility once I became a mom. My daughter, who is my firstborn, arrived eight months ago, and she forced me to reexamine my life’s priorities in the best possible way.
I started preparing financially for motherhood early in my career, when I was nowhere close to having children. In my first job out of graduate school at a global public relations agency in downtown Chicago, when I was in my early 20s, I lived paycheck-to-paycheck. As my income swelled thanks to promotions, bonuses and new employers, I made a conscious effort to live well below my means, piling up savings at a more rapid pace than most of my peers and avoiding the temptations of lifestyle creep.
In addition, I agreed to take jobs in different locations, which generated new opportunities and faster salary increases. At one employer, I lived in four states in five years, so I could take advantage of four unique roles that helped broaden my skill set and expand my network within the company.
On top of that, I only vacationed in places where I had the option to stay with family or friends. I took public transit, rather than cabs or Uber. My idea of fine dining was a pizza parlor. I shopped for home furnishings at antique shops and furniture liquidation stores. Was it all worth it? Absolutely.
Once my daughter arrived last summer and my maternity leave was in full swing, I found it harder and harder to imagine quickly returning to full-time work in the same capacity, especially given the extremely limited paid leave (if any) at most U.S. employers, and recognizing how critical the first year of life is for babies and their mothers.
After more than a decade working in the corporate world, I purposefully chose to step back from full-time work, taking a career break so I could focus on nurturing and caring for my daughter. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and I’ve been soaking up every second.
Stepping away from the traditional career ladder in my mid-30s, which is arguably the prime of my career, isn’t the norm. No financial advisor or career coach would recommend it. I was on the receiving end of numerous opinions, not all of them supportive of my decision. I fully respect those viewpoints. Yet, at the same time, I feel incredibly fulfilled that, at this stage of my life, I’m in the driver’s seat of my career and family. Time is a finite resource, and I’ll never get back this time with my daughter.
I’ve worked hard to build my career, and it’s an important part of who I am. That said, I have zero doubt that I’ll add more value in my professional job when I return to the workforce full-time. No one knows how to manage multiple deadlines, lead teams with conflicting personalities and juggle five crises at once better than a sleep-deprived mother tasked with caring for an infant 24/7.
Today, I’m COO of my family because of the choices I made in my 20s: living below my means, maintaining a frugal mindset, saving diligently, carefully negotiating every pay raise and job offer, and prioritizing building a healthy emergency fund. Temporarily stepping away from the work world comes with obvious financial repercussions, long-term career implications and challenging (and sometimes exhausting) days as a parent.
Still, I have zero regrets. I didn’t want to reach retirement age with more money and a more impressive job title, and yet desperately wish I’d had more quality time with my kids. As we all know, you can’t turn back the clock.
Parenting may not come with congratulatory emails for a job well done, promotions, bonus statements or annual raises, but it has given me my daughter’s first smile and laugh, her joy at rolling over for the first time, and watching her radiate with happiness whenever I sing to her. That’s all infinitely better than any bonus I’ve ever received.
I can always work more. But the time with those who matter the most to me is precious and fleeting. As someone told me before I became a mother, “If you’re lucky, you may share 18 birthdays with your child—and then they’re gone. Cherish them.” I couldn’t agree more. As I hold my beautiful, smiling daughter while she watches my every move, I know these moments are priceless.
Brenna Clairr Moore was born and raised in Anchorage, Alaska, and currently resides in Dallas with her husband, daughter, cat and dog. She has nearly 15 years of experience working in corporate communications and public relations across numerous industries, including energy, consumer packaged goods, higher education and financial services. Brenna Clairr holds a bachelor’s in broadcast journalism from Northwestern University and a master’s in strategic public relations from the University of Southern California. She’s passionate about strengthening her community, and serves on the boards of her local YMCA and the Northwestern University Alumni Club in Dallas-Fort Worth. She believes that everyone—no matter their background—has a story that’s worth sharing.
Want to receive our weekly newsletter? Sign up now. How about our daily alert about the site's latest posts? Join the list.
Our story is different. We immigrated legally to the US in 1991 in our 30s with our 3 kids with just $5000 and settled on ATL because of job opportunities, good weather and great cost of living. After more than 30 years, it’s still the best big city.
The beginning was difficult but we stuck with the following since day one.
1) My wife and I were a team, all the decisions were made accordingly, we all shared the responsibilities and the time with the kids.
2) Work to home must have balanced. This means we will try to work 40 hours per week, max 45. It was very tough to maintained it but we mostly did…whatever it took.
3) We refused any jobs that required relocation or even several nights in other cities.
We would not take a job that required over time, we made it very clear. We missed some promotions, we didn’t care. As times passed American employers eventually got the message and it got easier.
4) We lived below our means. Our first house was smaller and not in the best shape but cost only $115K in a good neighborhood while the real estate agent told us we can buy at $300K.
Our coworkers bought expensive German cars, we only bought new Honda and Toyota and held them for 10+ years.
We always took all the vacation days we had and travel 3 weeks annually in the US. I always had to make up an excuse to get that. We took the kids on these vacations and saw 49 states several times.
They were not expensive vacation, we stay in 3 stars hotels and ate in cheap restaurants.
5) Our kids heard a lot of nos, my wife and I made the decisions, not the kids.
Here is an example, we told our kids that we will pay for their first degree only if they attend a GA university, they will get zero for other states.
They graduated in GA but did their masters and PhD that they paid for or were free in other states.
But, they also heard a lot of encouragement and you must play sports, just find something you like. Both me and the wife also play competitive sports. We continue doing that but also made sure the kids do it. We all have been doing it for decades.
6) We contributed to our 401K and never touched it until retirement. Every time we got a raise, we increased the savings by half of the raise. Within years we contributed the max. Compounding did the rest and I retired after just 23 years since we started savings.
We never got any profit sharing, only 2-3 times small bonuses of $2-3K per year. Our employer usually matches the 401K with 3%.
I was laid off 3-4 times but found a job after several months, my wife was luckier. We don’t have a pension either.
Since retirement in 2018 we doubled our portfolio, we don’t worry about money anymore.
We still do a lot of traveling around the world for weeks each time, we are still frugal, we still stay in 3 stars hotel or B&B that include breakfast. We enjoy the experience, the people and the scenery. Right now we are in NZ for 3+ weeks.
The above shows that with planning and working together as a family you can achieve a lot. It also proves why this country is so great.
When my daughter was born in 1985 I was the Director of an outpatient Physical Therapy in a Pennsylvania clinic working 60 hour weeks while my wife was at home with my daughter. We were living eight hours away from family, living off my salary and saving all of my monthly profit sharing checks. I was just out of graduate school and in two years we had bought two new vehicles, and a new house.
One day a patient of mine told me,”Don’t work so much that you miss your daughter growing up. Before you realize it she will be grown up and living on her own”.
My wife and I took this to heart. We sold the house we had purchased just a year previously and moved back home to NH. My wife went back to work so that the two of us earned what I was previously making alone in just base pay.
Money was tight but my children grew up within one town of their three cousins. As a result the five of them combined are more like siblings than cousins. There’s more to life than money.
We had a similar story. My husband was a newly minted attorney working insane hours at a large litigation firm. He was making a good salary and could have made a lot more if he’d stayed there. That would have been enough for me to quit my career and stay home with our two young children. Instead, he quit private practice and got a job at a state agency, which paid a lot less but allowed him to be through the door every night by 6 p.m., no working nights or weekends. With our two salaries we did fine, and the kids had both parents.
Careful decisions with money means you have options! I too was able to take time off when my kids were younger since we made good financial choices. No regrets.
This article makes very important points about financial responsibility, advance planning, knowing what one wants, raising children, and other topics.
However, it does not mention support of a partner. Not until the author biography tacked on the end do we learn there is a spouse. This is a critical financial point. Up until the 1970s or so, it was expected that one person, typically a man, could support a family in comfort. However, this is no longer the case. This is a serious structural change.
Great point! I would not have been able to step back from full-time work if I was a single mother. That said, I was the breadwinner when I was working full time. Also, geography plays a big role, and we wouldn’t have been able to make the finances work if we lived in NYC or Los Angeles.
#FightOn ✌️ (Fellow USC alum here, also for grad school!)
Fight On!
When I first read this article I thought you were a single mother without the support of the child’s father. At my workplace, the men take paternity leave. How wonderful for their children to be able to bond with both mom and dad. While I support the choice you made, there is an alternative where both mom and dad share the care of a newborn giving both of them the joy that you describe. But it is wonderful to see another female contributor on HD!
Thank you for raising this point! My husband only received two weeks of paternity leave (Note: This is a fairly new policy at his employer, and paternity leave didn’t even exist 5 years ago), which unfortunately is the norm at most U.S. employers. Many offer no leave.
My friends whose partners had a month or more of paternity leave had a completely different postpartum experience and were able to share the newborn duties and joy much more equally. This greatly impacted their careers as well.
I am hopeful that more U.S. employers will recognize the importance of paternity leave not just for the mother and baby’s health but for the health of the overall family and the long-term relationship between the non-birthing partner and the child.
I wrote a similar comment, although the point was that there has been a structural change whereby a family now requires two incomes to be financially comfortable.
I think it’s also important to be more inclusive in our language. Whereas I find it silly to refer to pregnant people, it is an increasing reality that there are families with two parents who have the same sex. I hope to be a grandfather in a two women as parents family. This article struck me as their struggle.
I know a young couple, relatives in fact, highly educated Ivy types, making north of $350K/year chasing careers full bore with no plan for babies. Will regrets be close be behind i wonder.
I very much agree with DrLefty. Just because you can have children doesn’t mean you should. For personal reasons I decided not to have children and although I took a lot of heat for my decision, I don’t regret it. If I had decided to have children, I would have adopted. There is something noble about providing a loving home to a child who needs a warm, caring family.
Maybe, maybe not. Not everyone is cut out for parenthood, temperamentally, and just because you can afford kids doesn’t mean you need to have them. I have kids and don’t regret having them. My sister never had kids and doesn’t regret NOT having them.
What a wonderful pleasure it was to read your post Brenna!
That wasn’t an easy decision to make—stepping away at a prime time in your career. But I agree with your assessment that, when you return, you’ll be better at your job because of it. And I bet you’ll have an extra degree of empathy for young employees juggling work with the countless duties of parenthood!
I congratulate you on the happiness your good choices have brought you.
My father had a repertoire of folksy aphorisms, including, “When you pays your money, you gets your choice.” You paid a price earlier in your life that many of your peers perhaps didn’t understand or weren’t willing to pay. Don’t let others’ opinions keep you from following the right path for your family today. Thank you for your article, one that I’ll make certain my daughter doesn’t overlook.
Excellent! You won’t regret it.
Thanks for sharing your story. I can’t think of another job that is more important or comes with a higher potential payoff than the one you are working right now.
Congratulations on expanding your family and making a sound decision to pump the brakes on your paid career. Our sons were born in 1995, 1998, and 2000 and my best (sleep-deprived) years were 1999-2005, at home full-time, enjoying their antics. Of course not every day is roses, so make sure you nurture other interests and adult relationships.
Enjoy this time. There will always be another job.
Thank you! Yes, engaging in hobbies and maintaining friendships (especially with other mothers facing similar challenges) is so important since motherhood can be isolating at times.
Our neighborhood moms created “Play Group”– our pre-school aged children played together while the mommas chatted and competed for the Dunkin Donut Munchkins with the little ones. (Any dads would have been welcomed, but all had full-time jobs.)
As the children grew too old for our group and attended school as their full-time jobs, “Play Group” morphed into “Wine and Whiners Club.” Yes, we have a sense of humor. Now that we are older and wiser on our food and beverage choices, we simply enjoy our “Dinner Club” time & this “Club” includes our husbands! 😀
Now many of our children are married and have little ones. It seemingly all occurred in the blink of an eye.
Savor each moment!
I’d like to think that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become wiser. You remind me that some people are already wise while they are young!
This is one of the best articles I have read on humbledollar.com. Brenna Claire Moore proves the point that there are more important things in life than money.
Thank you for sharing these very kind words!