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HAVE YOU THOUGHT about what made you the person you are—the way you think about money, life, your behaviors, your likes and dislikes? When I look at my own life, I can clearly see the impact of my childhood.
My mother and grandmother made a lot of my and my sister’s clothes. I recall those paper dress patterns all over the apartment. Is that why I dislike shopping for clothes? I’m happy to let my wife and daughter decide what I should wear. The notion of shopping is an anathema to me.
Neither my parents nor my grandparents went to college. In fact, college was never mentioned in my house. Instead, as the Silhouettes sang, “get a job” was the order of the day. Is that why I never thought of college until I got out of the Army, eight years after high school? Or why I vowed that our four children would go to good colleges—and it was my responsibility to pay?
My father worked 12 hours a day, six days a week. For most of my youth, he wouldn’t get paid if he didn’t sell a car. I worked nearly that much myself. I worked at home after a day in the office and on vacations. I always had my laptop handy. As I saw it, hard work and creating results were the ways to move ahead.
Is there any doubt why I have disdain for quiet quitters, who someday will moan about not receiving what they deserved from their careers? Surveys say 50% of workers do just the minimum to get by. We used to call them losers.
My father was forced to retire at 66, and then my parents lived on Social Security alone. I vowed never to be in that position. I stayed with one employer, earned a pension, saved, invested and worked until 67.
I lived in a small apartment until I got married. Taking care of a house, inside and out, was never my forte. Is that why I break out in a sweat within 100 feet of a Home Depot? Is it why I pay experts to make repairs? I wasn’t unhappy leaving our house of 43 years for a condo. Someone asked me how I could leave all the memories behind. The memories didn’t reside in the house—I have them all within me.
My parents were affected by the Great Depression. They had no trust in the stock market and so never invested. Banks were not to be trusted, either. What modest money they had was in a checking account. I began investing when I was 18—not successfully at that point, but consistently thereafter. My parents would be shocked at my financial position today.
My parents were frugal. My mother never wanted to spend money. She reused aluminum foil. My parents never had a credit card. I consider myself erratically frugal. I agonize over a small purchase and then spend thousands on something else. It’s worse the older I get. I use credit cards just to earn rewards.
My mother was a real homebody, never wanting to go anywhere. She once refused to go to Germany on a trip my father won in a sales contest. I always felt sorry for him. Is that why I can’t stop traveling? I know the one regret I’ll have is not seeing more places. Still, I’ve ridden a camel in Morocco, kissed the Blarney Stone and placed a prayer in the Western Wall in Jerusalem.
One of my grandfathers was cool and detached. I have no memory of him coming to our apartment as a child. Neither my grandparents nor my parents came to my Little League games or school events. Is that why my wife and I spend many happy hours in retirement attending grandchildren’s soccer, baseball and lacrosse games, band concerts and other activities—and why we did the same for our children?
I think I know what made me me. Have you thought about what made you you?
Richard Quinn blogs at QuinnsCommentary.net. Before retiring in 2010, Dick was a compensation and benefits executive. Follow him on Twitter @QuinnsComments and check out his earlier articles.
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“Someone asked me how I could leave all the memories behind (in my prior home). The memories didn’t reside in the house—I have them all within me.”
One of the most insightful views on HD that I have read!
I grew up on welfare in a housing project. Now I am a multi millionaire because of a government program that helped me go to college. Unfortunately the majority on welfare DO work but wages are so low they need government support. They are NOT quiet quitters. The 1% business owners do not want to pay liveable wages because it’s not good for the stock price. I question your comment about quitters because many employers want employees to go above and beyond but till not pay for it.
I would suggest you are successful because of the decisions you made the actions you took, you working hard toward goals, not because of help going to college or maybe college itself for that matter. There are many people who receive degrees and don’t go far.
The great majority of businesses that don’t pay decently don’t have stock prices to worry about.
Great post. Thanks for sharing those personal reflections. My answer is that I need to reflect on things more along the lines of what you have already done.
My parents were children of the depression and WWII. They came off the farm, got married, and my father went off to fight the Japanese in the Pacific. He never talked to us about his campaign experiences island hopping all the way to Okinawa. He never had a desk job, he loved working in the field with his hands as a carpenter and job supervisor.
As I think back to the choices, I made in going to college or not, I harken back to one particular summer job and an experience I had at a major Law firm.
After high school graduation in 1967 and that summer, I starting part-time in Junior college and working as a mail boy at the largest law firm in the U.S. I saw all those high-powered lawyers (graduates of major Law Schools) and most were from Ivy League schools, University of Texas, Texas A&M, Baylor, SMU, University of Houston or South Texas Law School. I talked to many and they gave me some good advice to finish college. I even worked around Leon Jaworski, one of the major Nuremberg trial prosecutors of Nazi war criminals and a Watergate Special Prosecutor of Richard Nixon.
The summer job before I went off to the 4-year University, was in a steel vessel manufacturing shop. Work started at 4:30 am to 4:30 pm or you could work the nightshift 4:30 pm to 4:30 am. I worked both and it was grueling. I was a fitter’s helper, not a welder or professional steel worker. I saw how hard the work was health wise on those steel workers, the long hours they worked, the cyclicality of the work, and decided to go to university full-time.
In the end, that experience at the Law firm and the hard work at the steel vessel manufacturing job inspired me to continue my college career (I had gone to Junior college, but my heart was not in it). So, I got serious and went off to a 4-year University full-time in the fall of 1969. Also, that summer of 1969, I had a major injury from playing tackle football without pads that placed me in the hospital for 6 days. I almost lost a kidney on that one. It was dumb thing that 19-year-olds do and it pains me every now and then.
No one in my family finished or graduated college except me. My oldest brother went part time but did not finish his associates degree. My sister got married and had kids, she’s fine, and works in the medical field. I obtained my BBA in 1973 and my Masters of Science in Finance in 1982. I was working full-time during my masters work and going to school at night, 3-hour classes. I scheduled the classes on Tuesday and Thursday after work and would get home around 10:30 at night and then get on the company van the next morning at 6:30 am for work. It took me a couple of years plus one semester; I also attended summer school to finish and it was worth it in the long run. I did not get a promotion or raise for obtaining my Master’s degree. My company did pay tuition/books, if you had a C avg. or higher.
So, was it fate or what we make? Something inside me inspired me to finish college and then to obtain a graduate degree. It did not make me a department head, VP or President of our company, that was not my goal. It afforded me the knowledge to succeed, never quite learning, and be a good teacher/coach to those that worked with me. I continue to learn and inform others to this day. No one and I mean no one knows everything; however, you have to yearn for knowledge, be informed, and pass it on to others.
Dick, I think your logic very sound. Thanks for sharing. I have no doubt that I am the product of the environments that I have grown up in over many years.
My father died at age 60 without ever having enjoyed a single day of retirement. I was in my mid-30’s which is way too young to lose your father. My mother recently passed away at age 77 but never really enjoyed her “golden years” as she missed her husband dearly.
I am sure these events helped shape my drive to retire from the corporate world at age 56 while I was still healthy enough to enjoy the next phase of my life with my dear wife of 31 years.
Great post.
Some generations have been fortunate to have greater prospects than previous generations, while the current generation, some of whom make up the “quiet quitter” cohort, are experiencing declining prospects.
Income inequality has significantly increased, resulting in the creation of a class of Americans who could be considered royalty in other eras.
It is essential to reflect deeply on the nature of our country and strive to level the playing field, allowing all Americans to access the prosperity that the country has to offer. The quiet quitters will then find a new purpose in life.
Huh? It is so much better here now for most of our population with our 1%-er uber-wealthy than it was during the Robber Baron days where there really was inequality – many, many people malnourished because they had nothing versus today’s “poor” who are envied by most of the world’s truly poor, those malnourished because they have nothing. Stalin and other dictators leveled their playing fields…except for their government elites.
Are you saying there are less opportunities or the the super wealthy have blocked others from getting ahead? What declining prospects? Different perhaps, but declining?
it fascinates me that the great wealth of a few created by created new industries and then by the stock market gets blamed for all our problems these days. Sorry, not even the majority of economists buy that notion.
I don’t dispute the value of capitalism or the opportunities it can create for future generations. However, based on my personal experience, I don’t believe that the rules of success in our country today necessarily reward hard work and entrepreneurship. Instead, they often favor those who have political and cultural power and use it to their advantage.
It’s concerning that such a large percentage of wealth in the US is concentrated in the hands of a few. This goes against the principles of what it means to be American, which is to support a fair and equal society for all.
I want to clarify that I’m not a socialist or utopian, and I’m grateful for the blessings of education and wealth that I’ve received. However, I worry about the future of my children and the message they’re receiving that they simply need to work even harder to achieve their American dream.
That’s why I take issue with your comments about “quiet quitters” and want to provide some context. I agree with everything else you wrote.
My father told me in college: knowledge of self is very important. I’ve tried to know myself as much as possible.
My parents also grew up during the depression which I’m sure contributed to my frugality and my ability to achieve a comfortable retirement.
Where I think we differ is that my awareness of the strong effect of childhood experiences on attitudes and behavior makes me more sympathetic toward those with poor financial attitudes and behaviors who grew up thinking the world was their oyster. While I agree that people need to pay a price for being financially irresponsible, I also think more effort needs to be put into trying to improve their financial habits rather than simply writing them off as getting what they deserve.
I think you misread me a bit. I have strong empathy for anyone who needs assistance and for whatever reason, is unable to help themselves. In fact, I spent my working career trying to help workers deal with financial, retirement and health care issues related to their employee benefits. On the other hand, I do have limited tolerance for the majority of folks I call lazy thinkers. They get themselves in trouble all by themselves by their actions or inactions which could be avoided. Thanks for the comment, you gave me an idea for a future HD post.
I don’t think I misread you. The point I was making is those who lack financial discipline most likely had parents who failed to help them build good financial habits. If you attribute much of the credit for your financial discipline to your upbringing then why do you think those who you call lazy thinkers got themselves in trouble all by themselves regardless of how they were raised?
Because we have choices. As I pointed out, my experiences caused me to do the opposite of my parents when it came to work, education, saving and investing. It was my choice. If I had emulated them- as did my sister- that too is a choice.
But how do we learn to make good and bad choices? Do you think someone who was raised by parents who spoiled them and emphasized the importance of keeping up with the Kardashians is just as likely to make good financial decisions as someone who was raised by parents who were frugal?
As you have noted in your other articles, many Americans, perhaps the majority, would be able to attain a secure retirement if only they made better financial choices. My point is that rather than writing them off, more effort needs to be put into figuring out the best ways to help them improve their financial decision-making.
An effort made to provide practical personal financial education at some point during K-12 would make a world of difference for much of our youth plus perhaps even motivating them to become earners and investors rather than simply daydreaming of easy riches.
I doubt a formal class would make much of a difference. You learn personal finance by observation and experience. That’s Richard’s point. You get a job as a teenager and understand what you have X amount to spend – so you make cost/benefit decisions. Work hard, be conscientious and reliable – and things have a way of working out. It’s not by “luck” that many get ahead. You get an interest in personal finance – you read books on the subject. There are excellent sites (like HD) here on the internet.
My parents were also affected by the Great Depression. My mother couldn’t talk about it without crying. My dad would only say how hard it was – but wouldn’t talk about it.
Dick..very enjoyable article. Your mention of “Get A Job” brought back happy memories
and I want to ask —was that you I saw dancing on Bandstand to “Rockin’ Robin?
Not me, you wouldn’t see me on any dance floor – to the great disappoint of my wife.
Just teasing, of course. And for those readers who don’t live in Philadelphia and surrounding areas,Bandstand was a popular tv show hosted by Dick Clark whereTeens from the area used to come and dance to the tunes of the fifties. Happy days.
American Bandstand became nationally syndicated in the late 50’s and went on until the 1980’s under Dick Clark. I watched it in the Boston area in the 1960’s- loved it.
I grew up in California and watched American Bandstand! Boy does that bring back memories.