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This morning I had a surprise email in my inbox. I’d won a competition on Monevator, a fantastic, high quality UK financial blog site. The prize was a rather dapper festive Christmas sweater. I politely declined because, well, have you seen those things?
But the competition premise has been rattling around in my head ever since. The challenge was writing a note to convince someone—specifically, the partner of the finance blogger—to pay attention to her money, even though she had absolutely zero interest in investing beyond her workplace pension. Which got me thinking: what do you actually do when someone you love seems entirely indifferent to their financial future?
If you’re anything like me—that is, a bit of a financial nerd—and you see an adult child or family member ignoring compound interest or tax-advantaged accounts, it’s close to torture. I see thirty years of growth potential; they see a spreadsheet that makes their eyes glaze over. I see security; they see me turning into that boring relative who ruins parties by mentioning investing rather than getting the drinks in and dancing on the table… maybe I should have accepted that Christmas sweater; I might not seem so boring.
So, you’re stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place: Do you say something and risk becoming the villain of the peace who gets quietly uninvited from family events? Or do you keep quiet for the sake of an invitation to the table and free food, while watching them sleepwalk—one credit card debt at a time—into a precarious middle age?
Neither option is particularly brilliant. Silence is comfortable, sure, but a decade of delay can cost someone their entire financial future, with the risk of eating cold beans in their dotage. On the other hand, unsolicited advice is about as welcome as that Christmas sweater I turned down—if they’re not ready for it, it’s just going to get ignored.
I’m guessing the answer probably isn’t firing up the laptop and giving them a formal PowerPoint lecture on the wonders of compounding. It’s probably more about being an “open book”—occasionally mentioning my own money mistakes, sharing my wins, and making finance a normal topic rather than this big, intimidating “Talk” with a capital T. Lower the barriers, basically.
My thinking is that you can draw them a nice, colourful map, but you can’t force them to take the trip. Sometimes the best you can do is plant a seed and let them know that when they’re finally ready to look at the numbers, you’ll be there—no judgment, no festive sweater, just help if they want it. We can always discuss my fees another day.
Mark, the situation you’re describing certainly can be frustrating. However, I think you and some of your readers have hit the nail on the head. When this person is ready for the discussion then by all means give them all the advice you can. Until then I don’t believe there’s much you can do except pray for them. Dave Ramsey often says let someone else be the bad guy. Perhaps giving this person a financial book that is “fun to read” (is that an oxymoron); or perhaps sending them a video clip describing compounding interest might spark their interest. Of course you can simply ask them how they expect to live in retirement or even if retirement will be an option for them. That last one can really be an eye opener. I wish you well my friend because we all want our loved ones to do good; albeit some of them are their own worst enemies.
Eh, take the festive sweater and have so jolly good Fun!
Congratulations on the holiday “jumper.” I’ve no advice on the option of accepting it, but I would very much like to read your note that won the contest. It might prove very useful to myself and others who have spouses that are, let’s say less enthusiastic about investments and finances.
The monevator.com website is easily found with a web search. Although it was a tongue-in-cheek fun Christmas competition, with a corresponding tongue-in-cheek reply from my good self. 😉
Irish guys and jumpers. It’s a national obsession.
https://youtu.be/jxmZZBJQAKM?si=-z6uCgZDJhwp1lxC
Hilarious!!!! Thanks bbb
I seriously have to question your choice in music.
I think you should have taken the sweater! It might have been fun to wear it, and it might have inspired a mention of how you won it.
One of my daughters bought me a Christmas sweater a few years ago. It still has the tags on—not because I’m waiting for the perfect occasion, but because that occasion is never coming. There’s a microscopic, theoretical chance I might wear a Christmas t-shirt if someone threatened my chocolate stash, but a sweater? Absolutely not. The sweater sits in my wardrobe like a festive hostage, price tag intact, silently judging both of us for this standoff.
I come from a small family, in which everyone reached millionaire status through frugal lifestyles and smart investing. My wife’s side of the family is quite similar. I’d say the average age of the cars we drive is about ten years. And they are Toyotas, Fords and Chevy’s. Not a beamer or Mercedes in the bunch.
Alcohol and drug abusers can’t usually be helped until they are ready for help; I think some people are very similar when it comes to finances.
I’d rather discuss money than sports, but when I’m with my old coworkers from the beer business, I stick to sports, unless of course, I’m asked. There is one exception, one fella who attends our monthly lunch infrequently, loves to talk about investments. He does not need my advice, we just have a nice conservation tossing around ideas.
My other thought is that I now have an image of a middle aged Irish man wearing a jumper. Thanks a lot Crothers😱
What is a jumper?
Oops… getting caught out with my Irish English again. Pullover or sweater maybe in US English.
Oh, a sweater. In my mind I pictured a onesie looking jumper thingy like the male ballet dancers were wearing the other day when I saw the Nutcracker ballet.
I have a lot to learn about speaking Irish English.
Jumper = sweater is English English as well.
Strangely enough, the word’s origin comes from the Arabic word “jubba” that describes a loose fitting garment…and the journey from medieval Arabic robes to questionable Xmas attire choices spans centuries of linguistic evolution. Don’t say I never try to educate you, Smith! Though I suspect you’re too busy buying people Christmas sweaters they’ll never wear to appreciate the irony that “jubba” means loose-fitting, while modern Christmas jumpers are inevitably too tight and covered in reindeer.
I won’t/don’t offer advice to ANYONE – family member or friend – unless they ask for it.
Being a ‘computer nerd’ I get asked about that. But if someone doesn’t ask I won’t say a word about their new phone, for instance.