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FOUR 20-SOMETHINGS named Ben, Duncan, Jonnie and Dave came up with a great idea for a reality show in 2010. It involved a purple bus named Penelope, a cross-country road trip and a list of 100 things to do before you die. For every item they crossed off their list, they’d help a stranger achieve something on his or her own list.
Some of their to-dos were ambitious, with a low probability of success: host Saturday Night Live, kiss Rachel McAdams, go to space.
Some were funny. Tell a judge, “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth.”
Some were sweetly generous: buy dinner for a stranger, take kids on a shopping spree, pay for someone’s groceries.
The show, called The Buried Life, lasted two seasons and was one of MTV’s highest-rated shows ever. The show’s four founders also put together a book, What Do You Want to Do Before You Die? Among the questions asked by The New York Times bestseller: What would you do if you only had one day left to live? Would you plant a tree? Would you rob a bank? Would you tell someone how you really feel?
This notion of a bucket list has taken hold in recent decades. Indeed, there was even a movie called The Bucket List, starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, that was released in 2007. It was full of exotic travel destinations: the Taj Mahal, the Pyramids, the Serengeti, Stonehenge, Hong Kong, Rome, the Great Wall of China. A popular series of books came out soon after, called 1,000 Places to Visit Before You Die.
A friend of mine hates bucket lists. She thinks they’re too show off-y and competitive, and that checking off bucket-list items doesn’t do anything to improve long-term happiness. I totally understand where she’s coming from. What if you do Burning Man, and see the Northern Lights, and jump out of an airplane, and stay at the Four Seasons Hotel in Istanbul (okay, I admit that last one is personal), and… and… and… you get to the end of your list and you’re bored or sad? Or what if you’re more of a homebody, and nothing about exotic travel excites you? Are you supposed to just throw in the towel?
Productivity expert Khe Hy writes in his essay “Why Bucket Lists Are BS” that, instead of a to-do list, we should all have a to-be list, with things like “be kind” and “be creative.” In a separate post, “Why Your Goals Are Missing the Mark,” he suggests that effective goals are the ones that have an inner purpose. Your goal of throwing a really great dinner party, he says, may be about a desire to spread joy and laughter. Similarly, your goal of losing 10 pounds could be restated as a commitment to having more energy to play with your kids.
Are bucket lists really so bad? I dunno. I kind of like the idea of recognizing that our time on earth is limited, and then connecting that bummer of a thought to a list of things I want to accomplish before I croak. But could we attach a deeper meaning to each item?
Example: I want to learn to play mahjong or bridge. Maybe that sounds too small or not glamorous enough for a bucket list, but it’s going on mine. Next to it, I can write my “why,” which is that I want to have a way to stay connected to society even when I’m old. I want to be able to meet new friends and have a regular social activity that gets me out of the house. Perhaps I could include golf in the same category, though so far I’m not really feeling that one.
You could add a “why” even to your travel wish list. Seeing the world with kids or friends is a great way to bond with them, and it’s also an authentic hands-on education. Traveling solo works, too, because as much as airplanes and shlepping are the worst, opening your eyes to new cultures and experiencing the planet’s awesome beauty is amazing. And a little bragging—in moderation—about places you’ve seen can be a cool way to connect with like-minded adventurers.
Maybe folks could argue that there’s a fine line between an aspirational, purposeful bucket list and an overly long to-do list that ends up feeling trivial. But I think that line is pretty easy to identify, and unique to who you are. And honestly, if taking the time to write down your list reminds you to experience something like paying a stranger’s grocery bill or throwing yourself a really great birthday party, is that so wrong? If nothing else, it gives you guidance as to where your extra dollars could be going.
Alina Fisch is the founder of Contessa Capital Advisors, an independent fee-only investment advisor. She’s worked in financial services for more than 25 years. Her focus today is on helping single and divorced women with their finances, a topic she also loves to write about. In her free time, Alina is an avid reader, animal lover, hiker, traveler and vegetable farmer. Her previous article was Sailing Away.
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Always easier to do less, lean toward comfort, and be lazy, so anything that helps motivate, I figure is a good thing. Like the gal that set a goal of doing x new activities in y period of time. This pushed her out of her comfort zone, and I am sure she was better off for having set this goal.
Bucket lists are just to-do lists for a longer period of time. Go for it. Do one. Don’t fill it with fluff. Include the things that would really make you happy and that you just might be able to pull off. Celebrate when you check one off. Discard items that somehow lose their magic. And update the overall list often. The journey is the reward.
When we fail to pause and contemplate, we sway with the latest breeze of options. I like to try out tools, and I have two favorites: Goals to Metrics, and a separate Global Bucket List.
Goals to Metrics is a table with these headings:
Goal – Strategies – Actions – Objectives – Constraints – Metrics
Goal: What is important for me in the next year?
Strategies: What will be my strategy to work on this goal?
Actions: What specifically will I do toward this goal?
Objectives: Why am I working on this? What do I want to accomplish?
Constraints: What might get in my way?
Metrics: What gets measured, gets done. How will I measure progress?
Each year I start with a new table, and give myself the gift of contemplation about what is important for me in the next year, why, how, purpose, impediments, and how I’ll measure progress.
Global Bucket List is a file I keep online. Split by continents, I jot down countries of interest, and follow with notes about specific places I want to visit, links to articles, pictures that sparked my interest. The first few years of travel during early retirement, this was a key guide. “A cheap flight to XXX, where else nearby can we also visit while we are in that part of the globe?”
Now, I’m approaching a slow down in travel, and I find myself taking some destinations off the list for lack of motivation and interest, and reminding myself I still want to do that Canadian cross country rail trip.
This is just fantastic! Thank you so much for sharing your well thought-out and organized approach. I hope you’ll consider writing a separate piece on this for Humble Dollar.
I love both of these ideas. As I count down toward my 2025 retirement, I’m wanting to focus my attention on both areas (goals and travel). My husband and I have a verbal short list as to travel (for places we haven’t visited yet), but I love the idea of making a file as you did and jumping on opportunities—something I’ll be far more able to do with the flexibility of retirement.
It’s a thought-provoking topic, Alina, that at one point filled my brain.
When I was staring down my final year or so of life, and my wife and I were cramming as much travel as we reasonably could into the remaining time the cancer would allow, I quickly developed a visceral dislike for the oft-used “Bucket List” expression. I didn’t want to be constantly reminded that I was soon to be kicking said bucket. So when someone asked if the Adriatic cruise or the Yellowstone trip or singing in St. Peter’s with my choral group were Bucket List items, I would promptly correct the questioner to my preferred term, Dream List — sometimes with more of an edge in my voice than was really necessary.
Of course, top of the Dream List was to not kick the bucket after all, and when a medical breakthrough made that happen, the urgency faded from the rest of the list. But it’s always in the back of our minds. Next item checked off will be a New Zealand cruise in 2026.
Oh gosh, you’ll love NZ. We’ve been there twice, and I was just recently eyeing a new NZ-to-Oz cruise itinerary.
Thoughtful question, Alina.
A quote from a travel magazine, “If you have only a day…”. is on my wall where I can’t miss it, with a photo from a long ago hiking trip on California’s Lost Coast.
This phrase is common on handouts at national parks and the like, suggesting highlights not to miss if your schedule doesn’t allow a more comprehensive visit. For me, this is my personal mantra. We only have today. Whatever we choose to do, once it’s over, that’s it! On to the next “today.”
Some “todays” are real red-letter specials, and that sense of their uniqueness might not emerge until reflection years later. I keep in mind a handful of my “best day ever”s and challenge myself each morning. What might possibly happen today that could result in this day being added to that collection? (if I thought that would require me learning to build a sailboat, well then, I’d probably do that like your friend Dave Sailing Away ) It’s my personal challenge to make the most of today, not let it drift away while I wasn’t paying attention. On account of, I don’t get that many days in total, and for today, I am Still Here.
The fact is, my best days occurred because I was just living my life according to my basic plan, and then something special happened in the middle of it.
In this sense I totally agree with the comment here that the “bucket list” notion is handy for purveyors of often expensive, supposedly once-in-a-lifetime experiences, or sellers of equipment (fancy gear) that will allow people to do those things. This is rarely necessary and often the experience “collected” turns out not so special after all. Consider that purveyors of such experiences aggressively seek repeat business. If a person decides to, say, walk the Camino de Santiago, is she equally experiencing pilgrimage when booking a tour instead of researching and deciding and arranging one’s route and one’s time accordingly? Maybe.
A list of a hundred to-dos, or a thousand places-to-see, might preclude the pleasures of finding a favorite and going back repeatedly. To paraphrase Heraclitus, you can’t visit the same Rome twice. You change, the city changes. I could visit a thousand times and still enjoy distinct experiences.
In addition to “best days ever” I have an inner tally of my most important days ever. Some might be obvious, but these too turn out to be days that grew in meaning the longer I have lived, and with a few surprises. All essential to my best life before kicking the proverbial bucket.
My wife and I feel the same about Rome, Catherine. Whenever we have visited, we have felt like Peck and Hepburn on that motorbike. It’s a new wonder each time.
“Roman Holiday”! Great movie. Goes to show that once-in-a-lifetime days happen to young and old alike. Can hardly wait for my next one special day surprise.
On my most recent visit to Rome, that happenstance occurred on an unplanned, unexpected Museum Night.
(Of course Rome had planned Notte dei Musei,
https://www.comune.roma.it/web/it/notizia/notte-dei-musei-sabato-18-maggio-la-xiv-edizione.page
I just didn’t know about it.)
At this annual event, dozens of major and minor museums re-open late evening (10 pm to 2 am), for a nominal one euro charge.
I perused the listed museums and found one that had just opened this year, in an area of Rome I haven’t explored. Like a catnip mouse to a kitten! Off I went (breaking most every rule of single woman travel: late night, alone, strange part of town). Lots of people out, including a couple posing for wedding photos (the illumination at the Colosseum was fantastic), and families with children out well past usual bedtimes.
I’d chosen to visit the Forma Urbis (https://www.sovraintendenzaroma.it/content/il-museo-della-forma-urbis) and arrived early so stood on line with lots of locals eager to see it. The space is small so controlled entry and I was in line a long time. But the night was beautiful and it was fun to listen in snippets to many people’s conversations. The small museum showcasing this map of Ancient Rome and the history of the map is a great addition to a city full of world class exhibits.
I exited to stumble upon an orchestra that had set up next to the Forma Urbis, in the Archaeological Park of the Celio. That concert was amazing, and included the voice of the incredibly talented Alessandra Amoroso. After a half hour of listening I strolled slowly back to my hotel in a state of incredulity at the spectacle of the city at its best, sharing in the exuberance of its people.
That day/night goes down as one of my best ever. The only planning involved? Showing up in Rome, my favorite city, with an open mind and room in my schedule for whatever unfolded.
My wife and I have an “aspiration agenda” rather than a bucket list. Aspirations have to do with travel, home improvement, etc., things we’re interested in accomplishing and which we believe will improve our quality of life. “Bucket list” just seems too terminal to us.
Alina, I’ve never had any desire for a “bucket list”, and all the writing about them gets a bit tiresome. But you provided a more intelligent way to look at them, and thank you for that.
This article gave me some ideas to consider. As for the movie, “The Bucket List”, the character portrayed by Morgan Freeman seemed content and he had “enough” whereas the one played by Nicholson seemed to only gradually realize this as he got to know his friend better, and revealed this when he spoke at his funeral. Its never too late for us to make or simplify a short list of ideas, some of which have nothing to do with financial wealth.
I’ve always thought bucket lists were rather stupid as a concept beyond “think about what’s important to you”. And cynically I see it as an adjunct to consumer/marketing industries as a hook to sell on e.g. expensive travel or last chance entertainment events.
If something was so important to you why put it off until mortality looms large?
That said I can see the value perhaps in giving “self permission” to spend down financial capital on significant things that are by their nature one-offs. A kind of luxuries budget if you like. I might never own a Ferrari ( not least on grounds of daily practicality) but I could possibly have a track day.
Great food for thought Alina!
I sure agree with the “kiss Rachel McAdams” wish!