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WHEN I MENTION THE word “bands” to my friends, most think of the Rolling Stones or Grateful Dead. Among fellow financial nerds, the word can prompt a discussion of rebalancing strategies. What about me? I think about my billfold, which has been to more places and countries than I have.
Many years ago, I spent a week away from home attending a scientific conference. By the meeting’s conclusion, I was exhausted. I had a history of returning from longer trips bearing token gifts for my twins. This time, however, I was simply too tired to shop.
Lucky for me, the conference I was attending was huge. Along with the scientific proceedings, there were more than 50 vendors showcasing their latest products and equipment. Many companies were vying for our attention by giving away swag to promote their products.
At the time, brightly colored, thick silicone wristbands were all the rage, the kind that say things like “Stamp out Philatelists” and “Save the Whales—Collect the Whole Set.” The vendors had jumped on the bandwagon, offering their own versions that promoted products that combated diabetes, heart disease, cancer and even bad breath. I gladly exchanged my e-mail address for bright blue and pink bands to bring home to my twins. Yes, I’m cheap when it comes to gifts. It was certainly more cost effective than purchasing Beanie Babies at the airport kiosk.
The kids loved the gifts. Frugality sometimes reigns supreme.
Coincidentally, my birthday was a week following my return. I awoke to two rug rats jumping on my stomach, singing out of tune and bearing presents. Two handmade cards were accompanied by a small box wrapped using newspaper comics, with the handwritten words “I Luv U Daddio” crudely stenciled on the top.
I opened the package, and was initially confused by the contents. The box contained a set of blue rubber bands with PLU #4060 embossed horizontally. PLU? Isn’t that a grocery code? Aren’t these the bands that bind together vegetables in the store’s fresh produce section?
Then I noticed that the “P” had been altered so that most of its cup was missing, turning the writing into ILU, shorthand for “I Luv U,” which matched the stenciled spelling on the box. Teary-eyed, I slipped the bands around my wrist, trying hard to conceal the discomfort caused by insufficient blood flow to my digits. I winked at my wife. She was doing a great job teaching the kids that not all presents need to cost an arm and a leg.
Alas, I had to wear the bands for days, with the unspoken acceptance that the kids could snap them whenever I wasn’t looking. After three days and multiple welts, I suggested to the twins that I could abandon my wallet and instead repurpose the rubber bands to hold together my cash and credit cards, along with a wallet-sized picture of them. They acquiesced. Indeed, the flexibility of the gift allowed me to carry my library and insurance cards as well.
I never looked back. Immediately, my pocket felt lighter and, within days, I lost that sciatic feeling that runs down your leg after sitting for too long with an oversized wallet creating unforgiving space between bum and chair.
I’ve continued this elastic tradition for more than 20 years, and never returned to using a customary wallet. Indeed, over the decades, I’ve occasionally noticed other men with similar billfolds. For us banded kinfolk, there’s always a wink and a nod, with an understanding that there must be an untold story underlying their money-clipping ways. I also assume there’s a genetic component, since I recently caught my brother using a similar technique to unite his cash and cards.
As for me, I must admit that I scour the grocery produce section in a manner different from most folks. Freshness takes a backseat to the bright bands that clump veggies together. For individuals who have an aversion to vegetables, I noticed that you can order similar bands directly from Amazon.
This is why my wallets have been to more places than me. Indeed, I always pack an extra band when I travel, in case of miss-snap. My personal ranking of global favorites includes #4080 (asparagus from Peru), #4547 (broccoli florets from China) and #3166 (Lacinato kale from Mexico). Someday, I hope to accompany my billfold on a trip to their homelands.
Jeffrey K. Actor, PhD, was a professor at a major medical school in Houston for more than 25 years, serving as an academic researcher with interests in how immune responses function to fight pathogenic diseases. Jeff’s retirement goals are to write short science fiction stories, volunteer in the community and spend time in his garden. Check out his earlier articles.
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Father (and Mother) of the Year story. I just hope when they are old enough to follow Humble Dollar and learn it was a ruse, they do not start gifting you smaller and smaller rubber bands. Ouch!
I can happily say that their gifts to me remain creative, although, I must admit that my gifts to them have gotten larger….!
Jeff when you mentioned bands my first thought was 15 meters as in ham bands, but 👍yes I save all the produce broccoli, asparagus, and celery bands too. I would gift wrap a repaired toy with JB weld held with produce bands while the glue set to get more mileage out of it much to the chagrin of my wife. Those silicon bands though, not too useful around the house… Thanks for an interesting article.
Thanks. By the way, I too love JB weld.
Actually you have been using what the Mob calls a Broccoli Wad. A SOPRANOS actor has even tried to monetize it on SHARK TANK.
Google it to see the videos etc. Every Wise Guy worth his salt never uses a wallet. Years of experience has proven that the broccoli band is perfect for the use you stumbled upon.
Oh…. My secret is out! This article was just a cover story because I am secretly a part of the Mob “family”. 😎
Appreciated the chuckle this morning! Looking forward to your next post!
Cheryl, Thank you! Glad I could start your day with a smile.
What a fun read!
Sonya, Thanks!
I’ve never noticed these so clicked your Amazon link and did a search. Glad they work for you but I’ll stick with wallets; they offer better organization.
HA, I love those produce department rubber bands! So nice to come across other people who appreciate the finer things in life.
Seriously I’m a total minimalist when it comes to my wallet. Found a company out of California that makes a super compact leather wallet, holds 4 or 5 credit cards and just enough cash. Wish I could give them a plug but I believe it’s against JC’s rules.
I love those rubber bands, too. I save them every week because they are stronger and more durable than most. My ongoing demand seems to match that supply from my asparagus. And do you ever need really strong twist ties for long term use? Use the wide ties that are used to hold down the folded tops of coffee bags. They are really industrial strength and last forever, even when used outdoors. There are so many of these everyday throwaway functional items that have great reuse potential.
Martin, Now we’re in the spirit! Thanks for the tip.
Dan, While a primative “vulcanization” process has been around for nearly two centuries, it wasn’t until 1845 that the elastic band was patented (by a rubber manufacturing company in England, by Stephen Perry). I also found references to Charles Goodyear (yes, namesake for the tire company) as a creator as well. Hard to imagine a world without rubber bands!
Loved your story about flexible financing.
Mark, Thanks for the encouragement!