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WHEN I VISITED INDIA after working in the U.S. for a decade, it struck me that people seemed happy, despite harsh living conditions.
How could that be? “People compare themselves with others,” my brother said to me. “That’s human nature. If they’re better off than their immediate community, they’re happy. It doesn’t matter how bad their situation may be compared to more prosperous countries.”
That made sense. I was making the mistake of applying U.S. yardsticks of prosperity to their lives, and wondering how they could be so happy with so little.
From childhood on, there’s constant pressure to compare ourselves to others and to aspire to the things that seem to make them happy. No wonder corporate advertisers always show happy, smiling customers enjoying their company’s products. The inference is that buying these products will make the rest of us happy, too. Social media makes matters worse.
In an interview, legendary investor Warren Buffett talked about the home he bought in Omaha in 1958 and why he still loves it. “I’m happy there,” Buffett said. “I’d move if I thought I’d be happier someplace else. I’m warm in the winter, I’m cool in the summer, it’s convenient for me. I couldn’t imagine having a better house.”
Obviously, Buffett isn’t comparing himself to other billionaires, who often have more homes than they can count on one hand. Buffett knows who he is, what makes him happy and isn’t influenced by what others do. But many of us aren’t nearly so level-headed. It’s hard not to compare ourselves to others.
Comparison culture is also pervasive among investors. When the “magnificent seven” stocks outperform the broad market, investors often struggle to feel happy with their portfolio—unless, of course, they’re heavily invested in these highflying stocks.
Still, comparison doesn’t have to work to our detriment. When I compare myself to others, there are always some folks who are better off than me, no matter what metric I use—money, looks, abilities, you name it. If I compare myself to them, I’m not going to be happy.
But if I can learn from their success and find ways to improve myself, comparison starts to work to my advantage. Similarly, there are many who are worse off than me. When I compare myself to them, I feel blessed—and it inspires me to find ways to help others.
A wise man once said, “Comparison is inevitable. Competition is a choice.” I will naturally compare myself to others. What I do with the comparison is what matters most. Adam Grant says comparison is not the enemy of joy, envy is.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” according to the famous quote. Love your last sentence, “When I compare myself to them, I feel blessed—and it inspires me to find ways to help others.” If everyone in the world would do this, the world would be a much better place.
We would also be interested in hearing about your experience in joining the independent living community, entry fees, annual increases or any insights you can share.
I live in a small community. Obviously, such communities have sprung up every where. In my community, no entry fee, but HOA fees are over $1000/mo. Annual increases are certainly expected (could be +15% in some years). See link
https://www.55places.com/florida/area/tampa-bay-area
It is natural to compare. I think it is important to take note of how we act and how we feel after making the comparison. This issue is very clear in the teenage years, but I am pretty sure it applies to everyone if we take time to notice and be honest with ourselves!
Teenage years are critical in making right comparisons and selecting a role model to follow based on individual inherent talents and desires. This is easier said than done.
Agreed about social media making matters worse. Comparison is a losers game.
There is a whole industry built around comparison culture. America’s top college ranking, Top states for retirement, Top 10 cars of 2024, and the list is long. There is money to made!
I have compared myself with others all my life and still do. It tells me if I have succeeded- by my own measures and it tells me how fortunate I am financially and in life. It makes me understand how being grateful works because I sure am grateful.
Traveling in Europe, Central and South America and Russia made it very clear how grateful every American should be.
When I was a child I used to envy those driving around in a 15 foot long Cadillac. Then I noticed that many were in poor shape with dents, scratches and generally poorly maintained.
It finally dawned on me that the goal was not acquiring stuff to show off when you couldn’t actually afford it, but having the ability to do so, more like the quiet millionaire next door.
To be a quiet millionaire next door, you need a lot of maturity and a sense of what matters in life. Wisdom that comes with age may have a lot to do with it.
Sundar Mohan Rao