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I’M THINKING ABOUT retirement—again. But this time, it isn’t my retirement, but rather my wife’s. I earn our family’s primary paycheck, so I’m usually the focus of our discussions when we sit down to scrutinize the numbers and comb through the calendar, looking for a date when we should each hang up our physical therapist’s goniometer.
Even though I earn the bigger income, my wife has diligently worked just as long as I have, albeit in a changing capacity. In our 30s, we each began second careers as physical therapists at more or less the same time. I talked her into a blind date the week I started my first physical therapy job. She graduated PT school a couple of months later, and began work shortly thereafter. For five of the first seven years of our marriage, we spent most of our work days side-by-side in the same outpatient clinic.
After our daughter was born, my wife’s hours on the job dwindled, while her responsibilities at home increased. On weekdays, she now applies her experience as a former high school biology teacher to instructing our daughter at home. On top of that, she acts as caregiver to family members, including round-the-clock on-call assistance for any needs that arise. And then, of course, there’s the usual tasks involved in keeping up a home. I help, but the brunt of the burden falls on my wife.
Despite her hectic schedule, my wife continues to make a small but significant contribution at our workplace. She gives a few hours each month, plus some holidays, at our acute care hospital. Every few months, I ask if she’s ready to retire from her work away from home. My question brings a thoughtful expression, then the same reply of “not yet.”
Our ongoing conversation about our respective retirement dates would have been rare a couple of generations ago. Planning for a joint retirement is a fairly recent phenomenon. Retirement planning was once a mostly solo endeavor, even for married couples. In most families, the husband was the sole breadwinner. The income side of the family’s economic life revolved around his career, with the wife playing a supporting role.
The latter part of the 20th century witnessed a huge demographic shift. Women started pouring into the workforce. The percentage of women working doubled from 34% in 1950 to 60% in 2000. Last year, the figure stood at about 57%, and was even higher, at 60%, for women in the pre-retirement ages of 55 to 64.
With dual incomes came a new challenge for couples—how to coordinate two retirements. Researchers note that retirement is increasingly complex, with variables that include when to call it quits, whether to move or not, how to use our time in retirement, and the implications of declining health. Doubling those factors with the addition of another person compounds the planning intricacies.
Not all couples are adept at this financial dance, though they may not readily admit it. Seven out of 10 respondents to Fidelity Investments’ 2021 couples and money study say they communicate at least very well about financial issues. But a deeper look at specific retirement topics reveals 48% disagree on the retirement date. Also, 51% are out of sync on the size of the nest egg necessary to retire, and a significant number lose sleep thinking about it. Additional worries are retirement health care expenses, outliving savings and being derailed by economic conditions beyond their control.
The Fidelity survey also found gender continues to influence the planning partnership, with men more frequently taking the lead on longer-term retirement and investment planning. But in our case, the situation is more nuanced, because my wife has more of the planner personality.
Against this backdrop, my wife and I dance to our own beat. Still, we’re not far out of step with other couples as we ponder if we’re retirement ready. We share the familiar financial concerns about income and insurance during retirement, along with the subjective query: Will retirement make me happier? I’m not yet ready for a permanent vacation, but how does my wife answer those questions?
Income. When we launched our life together, my wife and I earned essentially the same amount. We also both started saving and investing for retirement with our first paychecks, kicking it off with 401(k)s and then soon adding IRAs. In the beginning, though, we followed different paths in choosing our funds. We even compared performance in a friendly competition. Eventually, however, we came to view our individual accounts as part of the same portfolio, a perspective that aids optimal planning.
While I tend to take the lead in longer-term planning, my wife is thoroughly versed on our overall money plan and intimately involved in every decision. She also handles the daily money chores, and knows how much money flows in and out of our household accounts. For these reasons, she’s aware that the loss of her income wouldn’t create financial headaches.
Insurance. My employer currently provides health insurance for my family and me. Even if I go part-time, we’re still covered. If I decide to retire fulltime at age 65—a little over three years’ away—Medicare will insure me. But at that juncture, my wife will be 62 and not yet eligible for Medicare. We’ll need to buy a private policy for her and our daughter, which we may pay for with my wife’s Social Security. According to Mike Piper’s Open Social Security calculator, 62 is the best age for her to claim, with me waiting until age 70.
Emotion. When our young lives are weighed down with work, and retirement is a distant dream, it’s hard to imagine postponing the day we call it quits. Yet, when the moment arrives, the choice can bring indecision and even trepidation. The path ahead may appear greener, but who knows how much we’ll miss what we leave behind?
My wife and I have a good bit of the interdependence—a “melding of the minds” in a relationship—that’s shown to be helpful during the shift to retirement. Still, I’m giving her room to decide when to give up her paycheck. Initially, she held onto her few hours of work as a caution and a comfort, just in case my income disappeared. Keeping a foot in the door would have allowed her to jump back in more easily. That concern should have faded as our savings grew, but old habits often die slowly. Maybe there’s still a sliver of uncertainty lurking in her mind.
Her real hang up may be her feelings of guilt about leaving me to carry the weight by myself. But the weight isn’t solely on my shoulders. How does she retire from being a daughter, wife and mother? Even when she finally leaves her job behind, she’ll still only be half-retired.
Ed Marsh is a physical therapist who lives and works in a small community near Atlanta. He likes to spend time with his church, with his family and in his garden thinking about retirement. His favorite question to ask a young person is, “Are you saving for retirement?” Check out Ed’s earlier articles.
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I’ve been been offline today, fulfilling a regular commitment to help staff the hospital on a weekend day, then home for a quick check of the garden—for those keeping track. 😁
Rob, I’m in an environment that respects expertise, and I haven’t ruled out paying for the advice you suggest, just trying to figure out exactly what I need to buy. I’m even considering an article in the topic.
David, we need you, brother! PTs are scarce down here. Thanks for the tip!
Dana, your article ran while I was finishing up this one. It’s a great piece. Those questions aren’t easy, and yes, we are blessed to have choices, as you comment below.
Jonathan, thanks for providing the link.
As I wrote in my most recent piece here, my husband and I are also discussing the timing of our respective retirements. We’re the same age (63) but not in the same field.
People further along than I am have said things to me like “When it’s time, you’ll know.” I only partially agree with this because I recognize the implicit privilege in being able to retire when you want to–as opposed to have to, or worse, feeling like you never can retire.
But I will say that this year I’m definitely experiencing what they’ve said to me. I’m mentally worn down with regard to my lengthy career. I’m obviously still being diligent and doing the best I can, but I just don’t care very much about it like I used to, and the pull of non-work pursuits is getting stronger.
I’d said in my piece that I was deciding between 2025 and 2026, and now I’m almost certain that it’s 2025 and OUT for me. As for my husband, he’s not quite as sure. It’s possible he’ll look into dropping to part-time or to consulting with his firm, if they’re interested in that plan. This continues to be a little awkward for us to think about because we’d always thought that either he’d retire first or we’d retire at the same time. Me retired and him still working was never a model we’d considered.
For those who missed Dana’s excellent article, here’s the link:
https://humbledollar.com/2023/09/when-and-where/
Hi Ed (fellow PT):
If you are concerned regarding the cost of health insurance prior to qualifying for Medicare look into ACA policies. My wife and I were without health insurance when she was laid off due to COVID (she stayed retired). We are both healthy and chose a bronze plan and never paid more than $20 monthly premiums total. We had HSA funds to cover the high deductibles. Because the plans must spend 80% of the premiums on healthcare expenses or rebate the net difference to each policy holder without regard to the premiums paid we received significantly more than we paid out. We experienced an ER visit which was costly (paid out of HSA) but the net was we were paid to have health insurance. This can be achieved if you can control your taxable income (MAGI). Plans are different from state to state but we found that if we kept our MAGI below 40K the premiums were negligible.
I’m not looking forward the cost of Medicare premiums though!
My wife and I also talked a good bit about retirement and coordinated our dates. One key bit for us to help us get on the same page, even though we were like-minded and have similar values, was to hire a retirement specialist financial advisor before retirement-he helped us get on the same page and provided assurance and peace of mind that we were ready and provided a retirement income strategy. Another benefit is he will be able to provide continuity after one of us passes. To a small extent my income and savings enabled my wife to retire a bit earlier, allowing her to escape an increasingly unhealthy work environment. I was very happy for her and she has thrived since retiring 6 years ago. I retired soon thereafter but have been consulting part-time since, not quite ready to give up the many benefits of paid work. If I am honest, it has also helped the emotional transition to retirement. I am now thinking more about giving it up completely as I have found new friends and activities since leaving the workplace. Sometimes my wife comes along on my consulting trips and we enjoy all the benefits of fun travel tacked on to the trip. My wife has retiree medical until she turns 65 in a year or so and I also was fortunate to have it until starting Medicare a couple of years ago. As far as SS claiming, I am also a fan of Mike Piper’s calculator-the only caveat being the calculator does not look at our entire financial picture, which our FA does. Our claiming strategy is me at 70 and my wife at 67/FRA, again basically at the same time. Which somehow seems about right. Good post and good luck to you.
Edmund, thanks for an interesting and well written article. it sounds like you have a soul plan, whenever you both choose to stop.
I can understand your wife sticking with a few hours of work each month. When i stopped working full time I was able to do some consulting which made me fell I was still contributing to our income. The amount reduced during Covid, but I was still happy whenever I had an opportunity to earn some income. It’s as much psychological as financial – at least for me. Last year I thought there was going to be a decent opportunity in the fall – it isn’t work out and I earned $280 for the Year! But I was still glad to get that tiny paycheck!
Thanks, Rick. My wife and I are both feeling the pull of more free time on one hand, and income on the other. I feel blessed that I don’t dislike my job. We are trying to be prepared for emergency retirement, partial retirement or some other shade of retirement, but I plan to keep working until it feels right—and smart—to quit.
I totally agree about the psychological benefits of working — and also the social. I think each partner should decide when to retire for him/herself. Personally, I wouldn’t do it while my kids were still in college — who knows? But that’s just one view.
I am also a fan of Mike Piper’s blog and his free Open Social Security Calculator and I also have been receiving his weekly newsletter for a while. Both are excellence. I would note that his calculator makes certain assumptions that can be modified and for a decision such as when to claim your social security benefit understanding those assumptions is important.
I also follow Rob Berger who posted a short podcast on evaluating, among other things, those assumptions used in the Open Social Security Calculator.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re0msmr1a2c&ab_channel=RobBerger
Rob Berger also has a one page weekly newsletter which I enjoy as he always seems to have a link or two to a matter that interests me. If you like JC I expect you will also like RB.
At age 73 I am long past the time to decide when I need to claim Social Security but I did wait until age 70 to claim my SS benefit and my wife who is under four years younger than me claimed her much smaller earned benefit at her FRA and then claimed her higher additional spousal benefit when I claimed my benefit at age 70. I am happy with my decision to wait to claim my earned SS benefit and knowing that if I predecease my wife that she will then receive a combined surviving spouse benefit equal to my higher benefit as a result of my delaying claiming SS to age 70. My claiming decision may not have been the optimal financial decision on the basis of present value but I compare my decision to paying off a home mortgage in my peace of mind.
For married couples making their SS claiming decisions jointly is likely to be the best decision of all.
Thanks for your article.
Best, Bill
Bill, thank for reading, and for taking time to provide such useful information. Social Security is an important part of our overall plan, and we want to make the most of it. Delaying my SS until 70 is a solid goal. Getting to that point is more fluid, with more than one option, thankfully.
I find it heartening to see a married couple as appreciative of one another as you and Mrs. Marsh seem to be. And I’m especially appreciative of the link to the word goniometer😄
Thank you for your kind words, Dan. You’re welcome for your word-for-the-day!