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A FEW MONTHS AGO, my retirement account hit a milestone—$250,000. I’d been looking forward to achieving “quarter-millionaire” status for a while, so when it finally happened, I decided to announce it on social media. I took a photo of my computer screen, with the value of my account highlighted, and uploaded the photo. Just as I prepared to make the post public, I decided to obscure the actual balance and edit the text to say my account had reached a “new personal record,” instead of revealing the specific amount.
But why?
I’ve never been reluctant to boast about my other accomplishments. Whenever I win an award at one of the many shooting competitions I attend, I’m quick to brag about it on Facebook. Now, having achieved a personal financial goal, I chose instead to announce it subtly and without specifics.
On any given day, most of us can log on to our social media site-of-choice and read more details about our friends and colleagues than we care to know. People are eager to share what restaurant they’re eating at or talk about the fancy new electronic gadget they just acquired. But the financial details of these transactions are almost always missing. That photo of your friend, happily posing with the family’s new sports car, likely doesn’t include a copy of the transaction’s bill of sale.
A recent study highlighted how deeply conflicted most of us are when it comes to talking about money. A group of university students—who were intending to pursue careers as financial planners—were surveyed about their financial attitudes: There was a stark difference between their personal beliefs and actual behavior. While most thought discussions about money should be active and open, the majority didn’t discuss their own finances with friends and, if they did share information, admitted they were uncomfortable doing so.
Our inability to talk openly about financial topics has resulted in a society that’s left to guess how our own financial status stacks up against others. Outward appearances can be deceiving—friends and acquaintances may seem to be living a life filled with “champagne wishes and caviar dreams”—but a glimpse at their net worth might reveal a financial nightmare. Conversely, there are plenty of anecdotes about men and women who appear impoverished, but who have actually amassed personal fortunes worth millions of dollars.
By keeping financial topics out of the public domain, we now have a society where a majority of Americans can’t make an educated guess about how much money they might need to retire. Without such a goal in mind, how can we expect people to shift their spending and savings habits accordingly? If each of us made a concerted effort to discuss money matters openly, we might discover financial opportunities available to us that we weren’t previously aware of. If we openly shared our account balances and salary information, we might inspire our friends and family to make changes in their own financial habits. As for myself, I’ll start with a pledge: When I officially become a “half-millionaire,” I’ll post it on Facebook for everyone to see.
Kristine Hayes is a departmental manager at a small, liberal arts college in Portland, Ore. She enjoys competitive pistol shooting and hanging out with her dog Zoey. Her previous articles include My Wants and Where It Goes.
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It’s absolutely worth celebrating success—discipline and long-term investing are things to be proud of, and sharing that can genuinely encourage others to improve their own habits. Sadly, social media platforms engineered for engagement inevitably tilt toward spectacle, envy, and even exploitation. I am glad you chose to be very circumspect about this.
About a decade ago, once I understood how those algorithms actually work, the trade-offs became clear and I stepped away—not because I reject technology or judge anyone who uses it, but because I prefer places like HumbleDollar that invite real conversation. Of course, real human conversations with close friends or family trumps anything online!
My comment from several hours ago that went into “awaiting moderation” mode has disappeared altogether, so I guess I failed 😂
Not worth rewriting it. Nice article, glad to see it come back up.
That has happened to me as well. I write lengthy replies on Google docs, then copy/paste.
Being proud and wishing to share one’s accomplishments seems consistent with my recent post. I still see nothing wrong with it.
Dick, thanks for linking to your post–I had missed it. I’ve been distracted by some busyness lately, and have failed to keep up with my HD friends.
I wasn’t speaking of the kind of pride you refer to in your post. I think you have a great story of accomplishment, and I’m proud of you as well. I love to read and hear about folks like you who have done well. Truthfully, I didn’t have you in mind at all.
Rather, I meant the pride that causes us to turn up our nose up at those we don’t think measure up. I think it may be fear of that reaction that keeps people from being more open about their money. And jealousy is rampant. It’s so hard for some people to celebrate the success of others. Especially when they live next door–or have recently moved to a nicer neighborhood.
You’re right, being proud and expressing pride can be two very different things. Excessive flaunted pride is not pretty.
Kristine, I’m sure you remember that Jonathan often commented on the dearth of money talk among folks in our society. And that we were poorer because of it.
I’ve tried to engage my circle of people in such talk, with mixed results. Money is such a yardstick of comparison with others. Many of us are very curious about how we stack-up. Our net worth can have a big influence on our feelings of self-worth, and that makes talking about money potentially uncomfortable. And when we do know the numbers, it can be hard to fend off the base emotions of pride or jealousy, depending on where we rank in the comparison.
It’s always great to see your articles, even one nine years’ old!
Thanks Edmund. I really miss Jonathan’s guidance.
I’ve never had an issue with discussing finances with other people–I’ve never really understood why it’s so taboo. I know my own financial success (and I realize some folks wouldn’t consider my lifestyle a ‘success’ by their own standards) was a product of lifestyle choices and luck. No complicated planning, no inherited wealth, no six-figure salaries. Just a simple life with some lucky timing thrown in here and there.
Nice article and interesting topic Kristine. I’ll comment on two points:
“Our inability to talk openly about financial topics has resulted in a society that’s left to guess how our own financial status stacks up against others.”
Perhaps that’s true, but is that necessarily a bad thing? We can certainly imagine folks getting caught up in trying to be on the same level with others when they really don’t need to be. I for one couldn’t care less how my financial status stacks up against others. What’s important is whether it allows me to have/do what’s important to me.
“By keeping financial topics out of the public domain, we now have a society where a majority of Americans can’t make an educated guess about how much money they might need to retire.”
This I just disagree with. There’s plenty of guidance out there about how to estimate the amount of money one might need to retire. Further, any that are half decent will be better than estimating I need amount X because that’s what cousin Bob has. Back to my previous comment, if what we want to have/do with our money is different, what does it matter how similar or not our portfolios are?
Congratulations on hitting your goals. As you can probably tell, I wouldn’t disclose the numbers. 🙂
Great to see this article dragged back out of 2017!
We live in a small town of about 1500 people, with socio-economic status lower than the state average. We really value our relationships in town, and my great fear would be that knowing each other’s financial status would threaten those relationships.
It was a surprise to me to see it show up again! Back then I was still living in my little run-down apartment. Since then I’ve moved three times, gotten married, retired and have continued to grow that retirement account to new record levels!
Living in a 55+ age-restricted community, I’m very aware of the various socio-economic status levels. There are some residents who are clearly barely getting by and some who (appear to) have more money than they know what to do with.
The best part is that everyone is very good at supporting each other. There’s a community fund to help out those who can’t afford some emergency expenses. People volunteer to clean up the yards of those residents who are physically unable to do it themselves. It’s nice to see.
That was my fault: your article came up on the “spotlight” section of Humble Dollar. After reading it, I got curious and had to ask lol
Kristine, I think you made the right call all those many years ago, to obscure your numbers. You could become a target for those with bad intentions. I won’t even name numbers here on HD; we have no idea who is trolling.
Perhaps sharing information with friends, when appropriate, could help to get someone on the right path, but using personal information on social media is not my cup of tea.
I’ve always been a bit suspicious about social media. Truth be told, I’ve always been a bit suspicious of people. Obviously there’s no way to know if anyone who posts on a site is ‘real’ or giving out accurate information.
Did you ever post that announcement on Facebook?
I believe I just posted a sentence that said something about me reaching a personal financial milestone, but without any details.
I think that was the better choice. Social media was maybe a bit more innocent back then — though I’m not really sure, since I didn’t have any accounts then and still don’t now. I’m a bit of a dinosaur that way.
Many people, myself included, have abandoned Face Book.
It seems pretty clear to me that there are lots of ‘impostors’ in the online world. It’s very common in the dog training world. I’m sure there are ‘financial impostors’ as well–hopefully none on HD.