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We have a more than sufficient income. Our income is not dependent on withdrawals or the stock market. Our net worth is more than adequate. By standard measures we are into the 90th percentile for any age. So why do I still worry about money?
I have done some research and I’m convinced it’s all psychological, past experiences and unjustified fear playing with my mind. Maybe yours too.
For many people, money isn’t just a tool — it’s a symbol of safety and control. Even with millions in net worth, the mind can still whisper, “What if it all goes away?” Yup, could it all go away? Highly unlikely.
That fear comes from a deep human need for stability and predictability. When someone’s sense of safety is tied to their wealth, any uncertainty — market drops, medical risks, political change — triggers anxiety out of proportion to the actual threat.
It appears growing up in a family where money was scarce can create a lifelong scarcity mindset. Even after achieving financial security, the brain may not update — it still anticipates crisis.
I did not grow up poor, I never missed a good meal. On the other hand, my father worked on commissions- no sales, no pay. My parents never could afford a house on their own. They didn’t own a car when I was growing up. There were no investments and retirement income was Social Security alone. That was always on my mind during my working years.
When I told them we bought a house on Cape Cod, there was no reaction at all except wanting to know if we were moving. Should I have felt guilty?
Money often becomes tied to who we are, not just what we have. For some, success and self-esteem are inseparable from financial status. This creates a psychological trap: if wealth slips, self-worth feels threatened too. I must acknowledge some of that. I didn’t want to be my parents when it came to finances. I didn’t and still don’t want to be average for any reason. Even in the army being the average guy marching, doing KP, etc. was a challenge so I found a way to work for a colonel as his Personnel Sergeant in battalion headquarters.
Those who achieve financial success often did so through control, discipline, and planning. “If I’m not constantly monitoring, something will go wrong.”
This mindset keeps them in a low-grade state of financial anxiety even when they’re objectively fine. Guilty again.
Wealth creates expectations — for comfort, reputation, family support, lifestyle.
The thought of losing any of it can feel like a threat to belonging, dignity, or identity. This is worrying about losses that haven’t happened, as a way to feel in control of them. And, of course, “wealth” is relative.
Money anxiety often masks other fears — aging, mortality, purpose, relationships. I suspect this is more prominent among retirees and certainly among we octogenarians.
So, if you are among the many who worry about money matters – perhaps needlessly- welcome to the club. I don’t have advice for a cure if there is one, but at least you may learn why. Supposedly, around 70–80% of adults in the U.S. report feeling stressed about money at least sometimes – often when not justified.
I can relate to some of what you wrote, Dick. The past 18 mos or so I have had more anxiety about our finances than I had for awhile. We have pretty much come out on the other side now and I am seeing that we will be ok financially. We had to play catch up from our younger years. Chris
I don’t. Perhaps it is because of my life’s experiences and mental conditioning. I think we can manage this. Furthermore, my serious health condition provides a different perspective. When treatment began in 2023 I had a concern that it could seriously deplete my savings. But I had a plan in place. For a couple of decades, I’ve been aware of the inevitable. Similar to that next stock market bust.
Yes, I was upset when the Dot-Com bust occurred but I was a newbie to investing. Then there was the banking fiasco in 2007. I had concluded that any crashes might necessitate my working longer. However, I adapted in 2000 and I’ve been prepared for these types of breakdowns ever since. There are choices to be made and so be it.
A 50% market downturn wouldn’t be fun, particularly if it is followed by stagnation and a lost decade. There would be a lot of anger and blame on the internet. People are sour enough as it is, while the S&P 500 is setting records. But I don’t worry about it. We may be our own worst enemies.
People are more resilient than they realize, if they give themselves a chance and trust in the process. I mean, we each do have a process, don’t we? I think time, mental energy and money are better spent on making informed decisions than cleaning up messes, or beating oneself up when the inevitable does occur. For that reason, I continue to budget, although there is no burning necessity to do so. I’ve streamlined my categories and automated much of this. I use credit cards and import the data each month into Quicken.
I create a distinction to differentiate interruption from disruption. Interruptions while undesirable are perfectly normal and easily dealt with.
That said, there are some pitfalls to avoid, so as to avoid disruption. Purchasing based on cash flow is one. One might rationalize “I can afford that $65,000 automobile because I can afford the payments”. That type of thinking may be a trap and debt is a pitfall. Gambling and sports betting is another. I’m not sure there really is “good debt.” Examples of questionable debt include college loans, too. A lot of people buy more house than they need. Then they discover the true cost of ownership, and it isn’t pleasant for them. Everything breaks. “It shouldn’t be like this”, some will complain. I’ve concluded that “Instant gratification” quickly morphs into “lasting pain”.
A life of moderation is helpful, but I read of families with two incomes of $200,000 annually that can’t make ends meet. Clearly, “moderation” is a subjective term. If we choose to live our life as a Nike commercial “Just do it” then we shouldn’t be shocked when reality intervenes.
“I deserve it” or “I earned it” are justifications for what may be poor decisions, sometimes followed by remorse. In a society driven by the consumer we are told there never, ever is “enough.” I do think it is important to manage that “enough” conversation.
My budget includes a plan and fund for replacement of major appliances, a car every 15 years and so on. One could say this is unnecessary and a sign of worry. It isn’t. What it is, is a sign of preparedness. If the car needs replacement early, no big deal. Oh, I’ll be disappointed. But I do practice “preventative maintenance” so when it is time, I know I did what was necessary and appropriate to extend the life of the vehicle to get full use. I do track the annual maintenance costs and when they rise that may be an indicator of age and pending failure. This was what occurred with my 19 year old Chevy Malibu. I decided it was time to donate it. Certain maintenance is ongoing and expected; oil changes, tires are to be replaced within 6 years no matter the mileage, and so too the battery. Brakes, etc. That’s the best I can do.
During a recent 7,200 mile trek I became aware of an issue and concluded that a front wheel bearing on the Roadtrek was failing at 70,000 on the odometer. I found a mechanic recommended by the campground owner and it was formally diagnosed and quickly replaced. Moog quality parts were used. (That brand was optional). It was a minor interruption on that trip and we continued on our way. I’d forgotten about this, until I wrote this comment. The point is, I prefer not to dwell on these things. Move on, enjoy it when things work, be prepared for the next breakdown and then deal with it.
When my illness was diagnosed it became apparent that living full-time in an RV was no longer going to be workable. After I was released from the hospital we lived in an ADA compliant motel room while we looked for a suitable house. I really disliked spending $thousands on that motel room. However, this accelerated our search. The house we purchased was, according to the seller, a “designer dream”. Antique silver and turquoise walls, non-functioning reverse osmosis unit and water softener, 5 year old filter in the icemaker, a hot water heater visibly at end of life, a slowly sinking “Arizona room” and a mesquite tree in serious need of maintenance and trimming. There were, of course, no discounts to fix these things. I mentally made my estimates including hiring a pro to paint over the glaring walls and concluded we were looking at an additional $35,000. Then there was furniture to buy (large RVs are completely furnished). Then there were my medical expenses. In 2023 we drove 4,000 miles to and from doctors and hospitals. Cha-Ching!
I liquidated a portion of my Roth IRA. It had been my intention to tap it last, but I did what was necessary and never gave it another thought.
I created a spreadsheet to track these costs, not for decision making but to be financially aware. After doing all of these things, I checked my finances and concluded we were doing ok.
Since 2006 I’ve had a plan of how to deal with significant personal financial shocks. I know my discretionary spending and I can reduce costs almost immediately if that became necessary. That type of resilience is very helpful.
It is also helpful to have reasonable expectations. My financial plan is built upon this. Jeff Bezos has different expectations than I do.
I anticipate a sizeable market correction. The odds indicate it will happen. Eventually, but sooner than many would prefer.
As we age there is something called “survivor bias” that we may experience. This is a cognitive bias in which successes tend to take prominence in our minds rather than failures. However, the flip side is also true, and some focus on failure. There is a middle ground in which we realize and accept the totality of successes and failures. I find that to be a comfortable place to be.