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In many personal finance circles, the conversation around aging inevitably turns to the “child as a safety net” strategy. We often assume the natural progression of life involves moving closer to our offspring, or perhaps moving them into our homes, so they can help navigate us through our final chapters.
But as I look around my age-restricted community, I see a much more diverse—and arguably more resilient—set of arrangements. While some neighbors do live with their adult children, many others have found the traditional family model isn’t the only way to preserve independence.
One of the more interesting trends I’ve observed is “senior roommates.” I know of two older adult friends who decided living alone was becoming a burden, but moving into assisted living wasn’t on their menu. Instead, they moved in together. It’s a pragmatic solution that keeps both individuals out of a facility while lightening the financial and emotional load that might otherwise fall on distant relatives.
Then there is the informal network of neighbors and friends. In a community like this, “watching out for each other” is practically a competitive sport. It isn’t uncommon for a neighbor to handle grocery runs for someone recovering from surgery, or for a group of friends to coordinate rides to doctor appointments.
This hyper-local support system is bolstered by a huge network of resources designed specifically to keep residents independent:
The Posse: Local volunteers who provide welfare checks and safety assistance.
Home Care Resources: Numerous non-medical services help with the daily friction of life—meal prep, medication reminders, and personal care—allowing residents to stay in their own homes longer.
Specialized Transit: Services like “Dial-a-Ride” ensure no one is stranded just because they decided to hang up the car keys.
From a financial perspective, relying on children can be a risk. What if they lose their job? What if their own health fails? Or, as is often the case, what if they simply live 2,000 miles away?
By tapping into community resources and alternative living arrangements, many residents here aren’t just “staying independent.” They are diversifying their care plan. They are ensuring their well-being doesn’t depend on a single point of failure.
Independence in our later years doesn’t have to mean doing everything ourselves. It means having the foresight to build a support structure that may not require a DNA match to function.
Relying on children may or may not work out, depending on the children’s situation and past relationships. The somewhat informal situation you describe sounds great, as long as you are in reasonable shape, and there is an ongoing supply of volunteers. However, if you can afford it, and it is an if, I still think a carefully chosen CCRC is a better situation. People at mine who have kids, all say that their kids are grateful for their choice, and I think in some cases the kids help with the cost. Certainly, as a single person, I feel more secure here, and there is so much going on.
There are certainly many different types of care available, and for some people they can be genuinely invaluable. But if I’m being honest, I truly believe that during the darkest and most demanding times of caregiving, those of us who have children will find that they step up more readily — and with a deeper understanding of what you actually need — than almost anyone else.
I was lucky with my mum. She had wonderful neighbours and dedicated care staff who gave so much of themselves. But there’s a limit to what they can offer, and in my heart I feel it falls short of what close family — the people who truly know you — are able to give.
Great topic, Kristine. In my work as a physical therapist in a small community, I’ve worked closely with patients and families who represent the spectrum of socioeconomic situations, from the truly destitute to one whose second home was a French chateau, and from those who have a large family with deep roots to a 55-plus community of transplants.
During that time, I’ve observed many different care arrangements. I think any of them can work, if the person needing care is honest about their need and open-minded about how they get it. Still, it remains one of life’s toughest challenges.
We’ve had an interesting wrinkle on this in our family. My husband’s widowed stepfather (age 83) lives in an age-restricted community in Orange County (CA). However, even though neighbors do look out for each other, he doesn’t have much of a local support system. Over the recent months, he’s had shoulder surgery and a hip replacement and is about to have his other shoulder done. This was a problem because he didn’t have anyone to transport him or to look after him post-surgery. We live 400 miles away and his son lives in Virginia.
Enter an old friend of my mother-in-law. She lives in southern Utah and has kept in touch with him since my MIL died. They’ve taken some trips together, usually with other friends of hers or his son’s family. She came from Utah to look after him when he had the hip surgery and he paid her for the care. (She had a late-in-life divorce that was messy and left her in a tough financial situation.) When he needed the shoulders done, she didn’t want to stay at his place in California again, so he arranged to have the surgeries done in Utah and stay at her house, again helping her out with expenses.
He needs someone to help him. She needs extra money. They both enjoy the companionship. It’s taken a logistical worry off our plate.
We were a bit worried at first that she might be taking advantage of him financially, but he just re-did his estate plan and “promoted” my husband from executor to co-trustee, so my husband now has the standing to keep an eye on things.
One of my neighbors just moved her stepfather from one side of the country to the other side into a senior living facility, even though he had his own adult children nearby, but they had no interest in his care; they’re waiting for the inheritance as I’m told. Now he gets the care from a family member who cares about him along with a daily visit.
That’s such a great example of a creative solution to care giving!
My daughter and son-in-law have happily and enthusiastically come to the rescue of the other parents. I do not want to be their next project. Our county provides services to help, but I don’t know if they are as developed as those in your area.
Back in the 50s, my grandma shared the house with someone. They were a bit of the ‘odd couple’, but it worked. My other grandmother lived with us for nearly 20 years.
I have often considered the possibility of a roommate if I were to outlive Chris, though based on gender and age, my surviving Chrissy is doubtful.
Kristine, thanks for an interesting article. During my 8 years of volunteer income tax preparation I’ve observed that co-living is definitely one of the ways retirees of modest income can stretch their budget. I’ve seen a variety of multi-generations, siblings, cousins, and friends living together. From what I’ve observed it provides financial and social benefits.