That sounds like as sensible a way to handle things as one could imagine, even including that he had input on the facility while he was still able. My husband’s stepfather didn’t handle the situation nearly as well, though he tried to be faithful and responsible in caring for her. As early as 2020, she went missing for five hours, and it was terrifying. She fell down the stairs in 2023, was seriously injured and had to spend a month in the hospital—and she’d had several other falls and injuries (like a broken wrist, head lacerations) in previous years. She just wasn’t safe, and we were getting calls from neighbors (we live 400 miles away) that she was out wandering again. She was very advanced in her illness when she went to memory care and only was there three months before she passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest. She probably should have been there at least two years sooner, maybe more. It was very traumatic for everyone involved, including her.
We had a trust set up for seven years that had nothing in it because our first attorney just took our money and said good luck. We hired a new estate attorney, started over, and she gave us a detailed checklist about what we needed to do to fund/move assets into the trust—plus a follow-up visit four weeks later so we could show her that we did it. We also signed up with a local fiduciary to be our trustee because there are a couple of complicated family dynamics reflected in our estate plan, and we didn’t want to rely on a friend or family member to deal with those. Our estate attorney is great and we’re glad we did it.
My mother and aunt had to go through this with my grandmother. She was 85, had a fall, didn’t recover well, and had to go into residential care. No durable POA, no incapacity clause, and the only resource available to pay for her care was her paid-off condo to which she would never return. They had to go to court to get guardianship so they could sell the condo and free up assets for her care.
Sorry—I just went back to your previous post and I guess it’s really a “Dadu” because it’s detached (it even has its own street address and entrance from the street).
We’re 66 (or almost in my case) and just moved to a single-story home with a nice ADU in the backyard. We’re having the master bath remodeled to make it aging-friendly. My one remaining concern is a single step in front of the front door (why?), but that could probably be dealt with in time. That said, we’re still planning to get on the waiting list for one of the CCRCs in town, just to keep our options open. As you note, managing and paying for caregivers is the main limiting factor.
Aging in place can be more complicated than it sounds. In-home care is very, very expensive. Arranging it can be a challenge, and quality and reliability will always be an issue. If the person(s) aging in place have dementia, in-home caregivers may not be well trained for that. We found that my late mother-in-law was happier and safer in a memory care facility with trained staff and predictable routines. Part-time in-home care was great for my husband’s grandfather, who lived to be 102 and was able to stay in his own place (a unit in an over-55 community) until he died. He had some mobility/balance and hearing issues but was otherwise in good health and mentally sharp. The caregiver made him lunch, did light housework, that kind of thing. With my MIL, we were surprised to learn that it was more financially feasible for her to be in residential memory care than at home with caregivers, and the LTC policy covered most of her expenses there.
To your last point, we toured our first CCRC a few months ago, and the guide showed us different units and mentioned one owner who owns TWO there and doesn’t yet live in either! It’s an oceanfront complex in San Diego County, and sometimes people will take a non-view unit at first but then have priority when a better unit opens up. I think that’s what was going on in that case. We also know two couples here in town where one spouse lives in a CCRC because they have chronic health issues and need assisted living while the other remains in their independent non-CCRC home. You need money for that, of course…
My girls were singers, not dancers. In high school, my older daughter got into the madrigal choir, which required a renaissance costume. I paid $1500 for a local seamstress to make it for her. This was back in 2004! I was quite relieved when her younger sister chose the jazz choir instead. That outfit only cost $200.
My dear mother-in-law passed in 2024 while living in memory care with Alzheimer’s. I remember that in the early stages of her cognitive decline, she suddenly became very anxious about money—her husband had just retired, and even though they had plenty of resources, she was fixated on “no more paychecks coming in.” There was another interesting change over time, though not money-related. She and her late twin sister had been rail-thin their whole lives. They were pretty obsessed with it, as was their father. I actually found the dynamic unhealthy and didn’t like it around my growing girls. But as she went deeper into dementia, for the first time in her life, she’d enjoy her food and clean her plate and actually put on a few pounds. It was like she’d forgotten that she should always worry about her weight and could just eat what she wanted. There was something kind of refreshing about it.
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Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented
Link to comment from May 26, 2026
That sounds like as sensible a way to handle things as one could imagine, even including that he had input on the facility while he was still able. My husband’s stepfather didn’t handle the situation nearly as well, though he tried to be faithful and responsible in caring for her. As early as 2020, she went missing for five hours, and it was terrifying. She fell down the stairs in 2023, was seriously injured and had to spend a month in the hospital—and she’d had several other falls and injuries (like a broken wrist, head lacerations) in previous years. She just wasn’t safe, and we were getting calls from neighbors (we live 400 miles away) that she was out wandering again. She was very advanced in her illness when she went to memory care and only was there three months before she passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest. She probably should have been there at least two years sooner, maybe more. It was very traumatic for everyone involved, including her.
Post: Percentage that “age in place”
Link to comment from May 26, 2026
We had a trust set up for seven years that had nothing in it because our first attorney just took our money and said good luck. We hired a new estate attorney, started over, and she gave us a detailed checklist about what we needed to do to fund/move assets into the trust—plus a follow-up visit four weeks later so we could show her that we did it. We also signed up with a local fiduciary to be our trustee because there are a couple of complicated family dynamics reflected in our estate plan, and we didn’t want to rely on a friend or family member to deal with those. Our estate attorney is great and we’re glad we did it.
Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented
Link to comment from May 26, 2026
My mother and aunt had to go through this with my grandmother. She was 85, had a fall, didn’t recover well, and had to go into residential care. No durable POA, no incapacity clause, and the only resource available to pay for her care was her paid-off condo to which she would never return. They had to go to court to get guardianship so they could sell the condo and free up assets for her care.
Post: The Financial Stress a Simple Document Could Have Prevented
Link to comment from May 26, 2026
Sorry—I just went back to your previous post and I guess it’s really a “Dadu” because it’s detached (it even has its own street address and entrance from the street).
Post: Percentage that “age in place”
Link to comment from May 26, 2026
We’re 66 (or almost in my case) and just moved to a single-story home with a nice ADU in the backyard. We’re having the master bath remodeled to make it aging-friendly. My one remaining concern is a single step in front of the front door (why?), but that could probably be dealt with in time. That said, we’re still planning to get on the waiting list for one of the CCRCs in town, just to keep our options open. As you note, managing and paying for caregivers is the main limiting factor.
Post: Percentage that “age in place”
Link to comment from May 26, 2026
Aging in place can be more complicated than it sounds. In-home care is very, very expensive. Arranging it can be a challenge, and quality and reliability will always be an issue. If the person(s) aging in place have dementia, in-home caregivers may not be well trained for that. We found that my late mother-in-law was happier and safer in a memory care facility with trained staff and predictable routines. Part-time in-home care was great for my husband’s grandfather, who lived to be 102 and was able to stay in his own place (a unit in an over-55 community) until he died. He had some mobility/balance and hearing issues but was otherwise in good health and mentally sharp. The caregiver made him lunch, did light housework, that kind of thing. With my MIL, we were surprised to learn that it was more financially feasible for her to be in residential memory care than at home with caregivers, and the LTC policy covered most of her expenses there.
Post: Percentage that “age in place”
Link to comment from May 26, 2026
To your last point, we toured our first CCRC a few months ago, and the guide showed us different units and mentioned one owner who owns TWO there and doesn’t yet live in either! It’s an oceanfront complex in San Diego County, and sometimes people will take a non-view unit at first but then have priority when a better unit opens up. I think that’s what was going on in that case. We also know two couples here in town where one spouse lives in a CCRC because they have chronic health issues and need assisted living while the other remains in their independent non-CCRC home. You need money for that, of course…
Post: Percentage that “age in place”
Link to comment from May 26, 2026
My girls were singers, not dancers. In high school, my older daughter got into the madrigal choir, which required a renaissance costume. I paid $1500 for a local seamstress to make it for her. This was back in 2004! I was quite relieved when her younger sister chose the jazz choir instead. That outfit only cost $200.
Post: Country Club Venture Capital
Link to comment from May 24, 2026
My dear mother-in-law passed in 2024 while living in memory care with Alzheimer’s. I remember that in the early stages of her cognitive decline, she suddenly became very anxious about money—her husband had just retired, and even though they had plenty of resources, she was fixated on “no more paychecks coming in.” There was another interesting change over time, though not money-related. She and her late twin sister had been rail-thin their whole lives. They were pretty obsessed with it, as was their father. I actually found the dynamic unhealthy and didn’t like it around my growing girls. But as she went deeper into dementia, for the first time in her life, she’d enjoy her food and clean her plate and actually put on a few pounds. It was like she’d forgotten that she should always worry about her weight and could just eat what she wanted. There was something kind of refreshing about it.
Post: Deeply Rooted
Link to comment from May 24, 2026