Perspective from a grateful recipient of outpatient economic care

My dad was the oldest child of a successful rancher. When my grandpa needed someone to help him with the farm, Dad reluctantly left his career as a fighter pilot in the Air Force and came back to Nebraska. He always made it clear that he did not enjoy ranching, but he loved the time he had to spend with his family.

Growing up, we never wanted anything but our expenditures were also not extravagant. My parents purchased new Chevy Suburbans, and then drove them for ten years or 200,000 miles, whichever came first. We rarely ate out (and the options in my town of 2,000 people were limited) because Dad said Mom could make food as good as any restaurant. When we traveled, we were encouraged to order off the Dollar Menu. I remember Dad’s excitement when he discovered Little Caesar’s five dollar pizza. Now our suburban of seven people could be fed for a mere ten or fifteen dollars! It quickly surpassed McDonald’s as our travel restaurant of choice. 

My parents tithed faithfully and supported multiple missionary families, but that seemed par for the course at our church. We hung out with teachers, farmhands, and accountants; my parents didn’t go to the parties the “rich farmers” went to. When I went to college, I was very happy to get my grandparent’s five-year-old 2002 Camry. A classmate whose family had money got a Hummer.

When my dad died in a twin engine plane crash the year after I graduated from college, it became clear that between his retirement accounts, share in the family ranch, and life insurance policies, my mother was a wealthy woman. 

The book The Millionaire Next Door has a chapter on “economic outpatient care.” The author warns against it. Well, my parents, particularly my mom, have given me and my siblings a lot of it.

1. My undergrad, dietetic internship, and medical school were paid through a combination of college savings plans. (Scholarships paid for college tuition and two years of medical school.) One of my brothers followed his dad into the Air Force, and his college savings plan ended up contributing to his three sisters’ educations.
2. My first car was a gift from my parents. Mom contributed $15k to my second car when my beloved Camry gave up the ghost in 2023. 
3. Our house was bought in cash by Mom, and my husband and I are in the process of paying her back. We have saved substantially on interest rates and all the additional fees that go into a traditional mortgage.
4. Last year Mom gave us children ten thousand dollars, which we used to cut down some perilously tall and dying trees in our backyard and to assist with the construction of a workshop for my husband’s business.
5. Mom is planning on gifting us more money this year, the max allowed by the government: $19.5k each to children and spouses, so $39k total for my husband and I. She asked if we’d prefer to take the money off our house debt, but we told her we’d prefer to use it for replacing our windows and possibly toward adopting a child.
6. Mom frequently assists with purchasing airline tickets when we are visiting her. When we visited my sister in Uganda, she paid for us to have a night in a nice hotel.

It’s impossible to know all the ways this financial assistance has impacted me, but some ways are clear. I know I’ve had substantially less (read: zero) stress about student loans. I was able to look for a job for three months after completing my dietetic internship without being concerned about making ends meet. Similarly, I didn’t have to worry about taking on more debt when I made the decision to apply to medical school. When my car broke down, we got a $23k lightly used car instead of a $12k car. We purchased a house several years sooner than we would have otherwise. Our neighbors rest a little easier with the trees out of the way, my husband’s workshop is going to be finished sooner than our earlier financial timeline predicted, and we’re probably getting windows this year instead of next year. I can only think of ways this money has made my life better. However, I also know there is satisfaction from doing things the hard way, and the financial assistance has kept me from experiencing a lot of that.

Currently, I max out my two work retirement accounts and we’re contributing to a taxable account to save 20% of our pre-tax income for retirement. We tithe 10% to our local church and have designated 1% of our budget for spontaneous giving. We use a budgeting app called YNAB to keep us on track with our financial goals. 

From my standpoint, I don’t think I’ve been spoiled by my parents’ gifts, and neither have my siblings. I believe their lessons in living frugally, working hard and giving generously to others have played a large part in setting my siblings and I on the right path. My mom’s transparency on financial matters has also been helpful. I do feel extraordinarily fortunate and grateful for their generosity, as well as responsible for managing my finances wisely. 

Although I’m still early in my career and financial journey, I’ve been happy to find websites like the Humble Dollar. I’ve been interested to read the articles about giving money to children and wanted to be able to contribute my perspective as a child who has been given much.