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GRIEF IS A HEAVY cloak, but when it’s entangled with the financial fallout of a loved one passing without a will, the weight can become unbearable. This was my reality when my mother passed away unexpectedly. There were no clear instructions, no designated beneficiaries, just a confusing mess of assets and debts that threatened to drown me in a sea of paperwork and emotional turmoil.
The Intricacies of Intestacy. Since Mom didn’t have a will, her estate fell under the jurisdiction of intestacy laws. These vary by state, but generally, they dictate how the court distributes assets to surviving family members. In my case, it meant my brother and I would split everything equally. Sounds fair, right? Well, on paper maybe, but reality rarely follows such neat lines.
Unraveling the Assets (and Debts). The first hurdle was figuring out what Mom actually owned. We spent weeks sifting through bank statements, combing through drawers for forgotten account information, and even contacting the safety deposit box company. There were a few small savings accounts, a paid-off car, and a house with a hefty mortgage still attached.
The surprise, however, came in the form of outstanding credit card debt. The statements, buried under a pile of old magazines, revealed a level of spending I never knew about. Intestacy laws are silent on debt—it becomes the responsibility of the estate, which in turn, meant it became my and my brother’s responsibility.
The Emotional Toll. Grief is a deeply personal experience, but navigating the legalities of intestacy added a layer of frustration and anger. Disagreements arose with my brother regarding specific possessions, and the constant financial worry cast a long shadow over our ability to mourn Mom properly.
Beyond the immediate family, there were also extended relatives who felt entitled to certain belongings. The lack of a clear directive from Mom fueled these expectations, creating further tension.
The Financial Repercussions. The credit card debt was a significant blow. While we were able to sell the house to cover most of it, the leftover amount significantly impacted our personal finances. Suddenly, paying bills and planning for the future felt like a constant uphill battle.
The impact wasn’t just financial. The stress of dealing with the estate fractured my relationship with my brother for a while. We had to learn to communicate openly and make compromises—a difficult feat while grieving such a significant loss.
Lessons Learned (the Hard Way). The experience left a deep imprint. Here are some crucial things I wish I (and Mom) had known:
Moving Forward. The process of settling Mom’s estate took months, and the emotional and financial scars remain. However, we eventually reached a resolution, and the experience, though painful, has served as a stark reminder of the importance of estate planning.
Now, both my brother and I have wills in place. It’s not a pleasant conversation, but it’s a necessary one. We don’t want to leave the same burden on our loved ones that we had to endure.
While the financial fallout may linger for a while, the memory of Mom is what truly matters. Losing her was a devastating blow, but the lack of an estate plan needlessly complicated the grieving process. This is a lesson I hope others can learn from, so they can focus on what truly matters—cherishing the memories and honoring the legacy of their loved ones.
The above was created by Google Gemini based on this request: “Write an 800-word article about how my mother died without any sort of estate plan and the financial fallout for me.” To read more about this experiment, check out Man vs. Machine.
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And in what state is anyone other than the borrower responsible for credit card/consumer debt?
Having spent 40 years in finance and banking, I question the accuracy of this portion of the AI generated article.
This brings up an interesting issue for the large language models–they are not trained on truth! Instead they are trained on what people say, and they (currently) have very little ability to distinguish better quality sources from more commonly held views. Also they can in fact make up truth by combining sources in ways they should not be combined. These are serious issues for people developing AI that may well be getting serious attention in the corridors of humans developing AI, trying their best to figure out how AI can develop these subtle but significant human skills, which a quick look at our culture might indicate are not at all universal to humans either.
The problem of “hallucinations” by Generative AI applications is well recognized and considerable progress has been made in reducing these errors. The significance of this problem is highlighted by the fact that hallucinate was the Cambridge Dictionary’s Word of the year for 2023.
Wendalyn Nichols, Cambridge Dictionary’s Publishing Manager, said: “The fact that AIs can ‘hallucinate’ reminds us that humans still need to bring their critical thinking skills to the use of these tools. AIs are fantastic at churning through huge amounts of data to extract specific information and consolidate it. But the more original you ask them to be, the likelier they are to go astray.
“At their best, large language models can only be as reliable as their training data. Human expertise is arguably more important – and sought after – than ever, to create the authoritative and up-to-date information that LLMs can be trained on.”
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/editorial/woty
Interesting comments. It does raise a question in my mind. What if there’s a little money but not enough to cover all the bills. Then it seems like the executor has to resist the urge to pay any immediate but lower priority bills to preserve as much cash as possible to pay the priority bills first (eg. federal & state taxes). I don’t know, but it seems like a well meaning executor might mistakenly pay off the bills in the wrong order, exhaust the limited funds, and end up being responsible for some delinquent taxes later on that should have been paid first. Anyone have any knowledge or experience with this situation?
Each state’s probate laws differ slightly, but here’s some guidance that is general enough that it likely applies in most states: https://trustandwill.com/learn/estate-insolvent
Thanks
The general lessons are pretty good and applicable to all of us. I also reacted to the credit card debt discussion. I Googled “Do children inherit parents debt” and it is highly unlikely unless you were joint on an account.
This will not stop creditors from hounding the heirs or children, and this can add to the stress of losing a loved one.
I just saw that Scott Murray accurately already addressed this point. Thanks Scott.
I thought the premise of the article was a good one—everyone should have an estate plan. The rest was a little unbelievable.
Although there are always exceptions to everything, and parents leave some loose ends, I doubt many parents would leave such a complete mess.
But uncles do, I speak from experience! And I’m an Aries, not a stinkin’ Gemini 😀
I’d like to think you’re right, but I’ve heard too many horror stories over the years. Not everybody is as financially responsible as HD readers!
I’ve gotten a kick out of running Jonathan’s inquiry through the same AI engine, and then making this additional request: “Rewrite this article in the personal writing style of Jonathan Clements, author at http://www.HumbleDollar.com.”
Gemini remained confused on a major point, though. It implied that “the bureaucratic nightmare” of going through probate can be avoided by “a simple will [that] would have avoided all this heartache.” All wills must go through probate, however. So Gemini was either trying to address intestacy (not having a will at all) or perhaps a preference for a trust, which does avoid probate — but took neither of those positions clearly. As others have said, this part of the article was largely “a word salad.”
Here’s what Gemini wrote after giving my additional prompt, though, which does in fact “sound” a lot more like Jonathan’s writing — but misses his accuracy:
Let’s talk about death. Not exactly a cheery topic, but one that catches way too many folks flat-footed. Case in point: yours truly. Mom, bless her soul, shuffled off this mortal coil a while back, and let’s just say things got messy, financially speaking. No fancy estates here, mind you. Just a house, some retirement accounts, and a box of “treasures” that turned out to be more sentimental than valuable. But the lack of a will? That turned what should have been a straightforward goodbye into a bureaucratic nightmare.
Maybe you’re thinking, “it’s just a little house and some IRA money, what’s the big deal?” Well, my friend, that little house and those IRAs got tangled up in something called probate. Think of it as a legal funhouse – expensive, time-consuming, and guaranteed to leave you with a headache. Bills piled up while the estate was stuck in limbo, and guess who ended up using their own savings to keep the lights on? Yep, yours truly.
Then there was the whole kerfuffle with the joint bank account. Seemed like a good idea at the time – help Mom manage her finances. Turns out, upon her passing, the bank froze the account tighter than a Scrooge McDuck vault. Daily expenses? On hold. Untangling that mess took weeks, adding insult to injury.
Now, let’s talk about those “treasures.” You know the ones – that dusty box overflowing with inherited trinkets and whatnot. Mom’s collection wasn’t exactly priceless antiques. Think silver-plated spoons and costume jewelry.
Selling them? Forget about it. Auction houses weren’t interested, and online marketplaces were overflowing with the same stuff. So much for turning memories into a windfall.
Truth be told, the money wasn’t the worst part. It was the strain it put on relationships. Family members materialized out of the woodwork, eyes gleaming with visions of dollar signs. Friends, bless their hearts, offered unsolicited advice on how to best “handle” Mom’s things. Grief is isolating enough, but the financial fallout added a whole new layer of loneliness to the experience.
Here’s the point, folks. Don’t let this happen to your loved ones. A simple will could have saved a ton of heartache. It could have named an executor to navigate the legalities, potentially reduced probate costs, and most importantly, made my grieving process a little smoother.
Planning for your demise isn’t exactly cheerful, but it’s a gift you give to those you leave behind. So, avoid the probate maze and spare your loved ones the financial stress. Talk to your family, lawyer up if needed, and get your affairs in order. Trust me, your future self (and your loved ones) will thank you for it.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a dusty box of memories and a newfound appreciation for clear communication.
Not all Wills need to be probated.
I had an issue with this article pretending to be in Jonathan’s voice. I used the HD search tool and looked for references to “Scrooge McDuck”. I only found one from a Duck Quinn article 5 years ago. I also believe there are a few Oxford commas. And I can’t imagine Jonathan recommending “lawyering up”.
Richard should go by Duck from now on 😄
I loved this, Dan.
I hope my very much alive 84-year-old mother doesn’t read this one!
Oh no! No aspersions intended to your mother or your brother!
Out of curiosity I ran the same question through a few other chatbots – MS Pilot and OpenAI’s ChatGPT for the same question. Responses were mostly along the same lines.
My wife and I thought we were all set with our estate planning years ago when we had wills drawn up. When we saw my sister go through a year of probate with the state of NH we realized that was not the case. As a result we contacted an elder law attorney we knew and established a trust. I shuddered at the cost, and it took a significant amount of time to establish, but now when we die our children will be saved innumerous hour of work.
David, was there a specific reason probate took so long? I’ve done or assisted in 5 estates in PA and the probate process was fairly easy. I think the difference is the estates were well organized with beneficiary designations and legal documents in place.
Although this GAI article seems well written, the part about the credit card debt being the responsibility of the writer and his brother is “dead” wrong in most states. Unless you were a co-owner or co-borrower of some sorts of those accounts, when that person dies, only the estate is responsible for those debts. If there is not enough money from the estate, then the credit cards do not get paid.
Scott is correct. The general rule is that only the estate has ultimate responsibility to pay off debts incurred by the person who died, the “decedent.”
The AI article tried to state the law correctly, albeit confusingly: “[The credit card debt] becomes the responsibility of the estate, which in turn, meant it became my and my brother’s responsibility.” Since the AI author and his brother were the sole heirs of the estate, and neither were identified as the administrator of the estate, in some sense it did become “their responsibility” to find all credit card debt and pay it off. But their only legal responsibility was to pay off the decedent’s debts with estate funds.
One distinction that confuses many people are funeral and burial expenses. Whoever signs the contract for those goods or services is personally on the hook for paying that expense if there are not sufficient estate assets to cover those. The legal reasoning is that the decedent did not contract for that debt; the heir(s) — or other person signing — did.
That was what I was going to ask. What state do you live in that one’s is held liable for a loved one’s debts. But alas the “author” lives in the interweb.
I love the interweb!
Curious: What is the “interweb” and how does it differ from the internet?
No such thing as the interweb Dan. It’s just a term attributed to a person who knows nothing about computers.
I think I first heard it used on the TV show My Name is Earl.