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I KNOW I’M NOT WISE. Still, I’ve picked up enough wisdom to realize I didn’t have much of it when I was younger. At the very least, 60 years of stubbed toes, slips and falls have shown me that some paths shouldn’t be trod, while a few are worth traveling.
I try to refrain from offering unsolicited advice. But I’ve lately had a growing desire to steer young adults toward choices that escaped my notice when I was their age—with a focus on three areas:
Think about who came before us. As young adults, we frequently encounter situations that are new to us, but perhaps not to old timers. For instance, on the first day at a new job, or maybe as a new member at a place of worship, notice that you’re stepping into a structure that’s already in place. The old guys and gals may be doing a lot wrong, but they must also be doing something right. Asking for advice before offering it can ease acceptance of a brilliant idea, and may even help refine and improve it. I still cringe at the memory of situations when I failed to recognize my cluelessness.
In the investment world, a plunging 401(k) can be unnerving for a first-timer. At such a moment, encouraging words from someone who’s seen a downturn or two can ease a young investor’s jitters. Meanwhile, in a buoyant market, young investors may be blind to risks that often go unnoticed by the uninitiated.
It’s also good to remember that we can be a newbie, even when we’re old. Every year, I sail into unfamiliar waters, but that doesn’t mean they’re uncharted. Chances are, someone has tackled the task before or faced the same financial decision. If I’m smart enough to recognize my ignorance, the advice I need may be there for the asking.
Think about who comes after us. During my middle years, I often focused only on meeting my own goals and responsibilities, with little thought beyond myself. I strove to keep up with the demands placed on my brain and my time by work, family and others. I must admit, it often seemed easier and more efficient to do a job myself, rather than teach another how it’s done. I may have also lacked the ability, and perhaps the humility, to relinquish control to someone else.
In recent years, I’ve realized such thinking is short-sighted. I’ve begun to reflect on the responsibility I had to the brand new members of my circle, and how in the past I might have failed them. To make amends, I’ve begun reaching back not only to those just starting out, but also to colleagues just a few steps farther from the finish line than I am. Part of my exit plan is to help these busy people in their own middle years avoid my mistake—and recognize the value of training those who are younger.
For example, at work, there are myriad ways that seasoned physical therapists can nurture younger ones. One important way is through clinical education, which is essential to turning out new rehab professionals. Each licensed therapist learned the ropes from an experienced therapist. I willingly devote extra time organizing our clinical education and encouraging our physical, occupational and speech therapists to give back to their profession.
In my own life, the experience of caring for older relatives has taught my wife and me that eventually we’ll probably need to rely on someone who has intimate knowledge of nearly every aspect of our lives. That person is most likely our daughter. With that in mind, in addition to the training and parental support appropriate for a teen on the cusp of young adulthood, we sneak in topics that cover the broad continuum of her life and ours. We have begun sharing details of our finances and our plans for the future.
I also encourage strangers to foster newcomers. Last year, when a friendly, young phlebotomist gave me much appreciated painless service, I called her supervisor to suggest she recognize the worker for her superior performance. About the same time, before a medical procedure, a timid, young nurse failed in her attempts to start my IV. An older nurse took over and quickly found the vein, but also found time to needle the novice about her inexperience. Before she left, I complimented the expert, but also suggested she give the young nurse some pointers.
Think about what lies ahead. When I was young, time seemed such a cheap commodity. I thought I had years before I needed to start on the nitty-gritty of a financial plan. I also wondered who could possibly know what to plan for. I now realize I was wrong on both counts.
Back then, even though I didn’t know it, I was in desperate need of good advice. If I live long enough, I’ll outlive my ability to earn money, but not the need or desire to buy the necessities and niceties of life. To accumulate enough funds, decades of diligent saving and investing are required. Even unknown events, like an early death or disabling injury, should be prepared for with life and disability insurance.
Ed Marsh is a physical therapist who lives and works in a small community near Atlanta. He likes to spend time with his church, with his family and in his garden thinking about retirement. His favorite question to ask a young person is, “Are you saving for retirement?” Check out Ed’s earlier articles.
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That’s a great story, Joe, and a great addition to the article!
Ed great article and some good advice. What I am writing about is totally different. I have a grandson who wants to go into physical therapy as a profession and I wondered where you went to scholl or where you might recommend he look?
Thank you
Rick, I recommend your grandson think about price and value. The price of my education at a small state school in northeast Florida was much less expensive than my wife’s cost at a private university. Even so, we made the same money as practicing clinicians in the same setting. I would check the value of the education, however, by referring to this site from the FSBPT for pass rate reports for the license exam. A quality program has a high pass rate.
Regarding the nurse and the novice phlebotomist incident, I would like to relay some of my own experience from 40+ years ago.
In my teens I had a job for several years on a large property that included work as: laborer, carpenter’s helper, electrician’s helper, builder’s helper, i.e., you name it – I helped out the seasoned guys who knew what they were doing. As I got more experienced, they gave me a lot of latitude on the job and I learned quite a lot of many different trades.
One time, I got the “initiative” to fix a curb that had been damaged by a large truck. I had no clue what I was doing, trying to fix a curb with mortar (for those who might not know this – it might look nice for a few days, but it just ain’t gonna hold up). Anyway, my boss showed up and saw what I was doing. Instead of reaming me out for doing something that I had no knowledge of, he let me me down so gently that it wasn’t until years later, upon thinking about it, that I realized how badly I had screwed up.
Years later, with that instance and many interactions with my boss in my mind, I realized the profound impact he had on my life. He wasn’t just a boss. He was a teacher with such wisdom that he taught me many things without me even knowing I was being taught – the things he taught went well beyond the how-to aspects of the job. I now consider him to have been the singular most important influence in my life.
So, during my career as an engineer, I tried to emulate his approach, always looking for ways to bolster the confidence of a more inexperienced person rather than smashing it, which does no one any good.
Ed, thanks for a lovely story. Well thought out and well written.
Thank you for your gracious comment, Rick.
Re: what you said about the experienced nurse and the novice phlebotomist… In our Darwinian work culture, it’s hard to find the knowledge/experience transfer like this.
Not all work situations are Darwinian. Yours, by its nature, may be. Is there a way you could change that or improve it a little? Surely some others at work want cooperation to make life better.
Neyugn, I hope that our little piece of the world is different.
Ed, I’d say your kind sentiments are about more than passing it on — they’re about paying it forward. I’m sure you can recall moments in your life when someone said or did something kind that stayed with you forever (and that the donor has long forgotten). And now you’ve done the same with that young phlebotomist.
I have a similar story. As a new cancer patient I had a young technician try to insert a line into a hand vein. She missed and hit a nerve, and of course I reacted. She was mortified and looked like she wanted to cry. I felt bad well beyond my throbbing hand.
A year later, now a veteran patient having admired the generous spirit of many nurses, I had a rookie stick me five times looking for an arm vein before giving up and calling a more experienced nurse. As embarrassed as she was, I got her to smile with a couple of bad jokes. I viewed it as paying forward for the kindness I had received from the staff at that hospital.
I suspect you’ve done the same many times.
Mike, I’m very sorry for your rough past year. I think you have a generous spirit, to take time for kindness in that situation. Thanks for your words to me.
Ed, apologies if my comment was imprecise. I did have a very rough year, but it was 2016. I’ve now been in remission for more than six years. I do still feel the continuing urge to pay forward, both for the medical breakthrough that kept me on this planet and the considerate care I received along the way. Next weekend I’ll be a guest “patient interview” at a cancer symposium at Fred Hutch because my oncologist thinks that my little stories (I have a few of them) can help the attendees become better doctors to their patients. I can think of no higher honor.