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From the outset let me be clear I am not a religious person for several reasons, one being my personality. My personality is the type that has to see something to believe it. However there is song Walk On by U2 which has some of the most poignant lyrics in music history. There is a phrase that goes, “
“You’re packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been.
A place that has to be believed to be seen.”
Why am I quoting U2? It’s because my mother in law was religious and fully believed in this concept.
In the last days of her life she told my wife and I, “I don’t want to die, but I have talked to God many times and have asked him to take me. I think I’m going to heaven.”
(This gave me an opening to say to her something that I had been thinking of for months. I said to her, “Ma if anyone is going to heaven it’s you. You are the best Christian I have ever known. Every day you practice what Jesus taught.”)
She replied in a way that demonstrates what a great sense of humor she had, “Besides, I know a lot of people there.”
My mother and mother in law both lived to be 100+. My mom died two years ago. She was a good Christian (Methodist) who believed in Heaven, but she cherished life to the bitter end and was always looking for one more day. My mother in law was about as devout a Catholic as I’ve ever seen. She surely believed in Heaven, but was conflicted – one day she’d say “pray the Lord takes me” and the next day “why haven’t I had physical therapy this week”! In the end, they both passed on and will be remembered for their incredible will to live. That is a lesson their children and grandchildren will benefit from throughout their lives.
David, thank you for your writings on this subject.
I am not at all religious, but my wife is a devout Buddhist, and I have been a bit bemused (and sometimes amused) over the years by the amount of time and thought that Tibetan Buddhists expend preparing for death. The contemplation of the transition into death is at the core of their practice.
My wife’s beliefs helped her cope with my past illness, and later helped her family navigate her father’s death in China near the end of the pandemic. Mama and her sister now live with us, and they too have become Buddhists. As Mama’s time approaches, I feel confident their spiritual commitment will carry them all through.
So in a way I will be comforted by their faith without sharing it. Should be a fascinating experience.
Thanks David. I needed this today.
You’re very welcome. I’m glad this post appears to have helped with whatever you are dealing with. Take care.
Thanks so much for these three lessons, David, and especially for this one about faith. I couldn’t agree more with your mother-in-law. Though I likely have some years ahead of me due to a family history of good health and longevity, I often think of so many loved ones who have gone ahead. I imagine the bliss of being reunited. But with faith, there is always at least a kernel of doubt: What if there’s nothing but oblivion? In that case, we won’t even know. So we just live the best life we can, in gratitude for what we have, in charity toward others, and in acceptance when we need help from others, whether it comes sooner or later. You were blessed to have this time with your mother in law, as was my sister in the years she cared for our mother. Like your mother in law, our mom was grateful, generous and kind to the very end. Hospice care at home was very helpful and supportive, especially during her final week.
Whether God is real or just an imaginary friend, millions of people find strength and comfort in their faith, and I think your mother-in-law is proof of that. I also think that her faith enabled her sense of humor to stay with her all the way to the end. I hope that my sense of humor survives just as long as I do.
David: Thanks for posting these lessons. Readers can find the earlier lessons here:
https://humbledollar.com/author/vermont1980_2/
Your welcome. I think I’ll have two more to close out the series. This past year, and months has been quite enlightening.