Thanks for your post. I'll also say "AMEN". We lost my mother three years ago at 100 and my mother-in-law this January at 100. For me the final weeks were remarkably different. One got to pass peacefully; the other was encouraged to eat and drink and sit up when all they wanted was to be left alone and be comfortable in their final days and hours. She was ready to pass; they weren't ready to let her pass.
Marriage is an amazing, sometimes frustrating and always challenging life-long (if you are lucky) pursuit which my wife and I have “endured” for 47 years. Every year on our anniversary we celebrate the “miracle”. We separated after less than a year of marriage for almost a year, but realized we were best friends as well. But there have been issues along the way: different ideas about raising children, some differences about finances, and some different views of life. Those are big differences for sure. But we are both stubborn - and we realized that our marriage was a lifelong commitment which we needed to honor both as a sacrament and as a personal bond. Today with grown children and in our retirement we still have our moments, but in June we will celebrate our 48th anniversary - and in those special moments - we are as passionate as our first date. Marriage has taken the long view and sometimes a selflessness - but we’d both say all of it was well worth it.
My mother and mother in law both lived to be 100+. My mom died two years ago. She was a good Christian (Methodist) who believed in Heaven, but she cherished life to the bitter end and was always looking for one more day. My mother in law was about as devout a Catholic as I've ever seen. She surely believed in Heaven, but was conflicted - one day she'd say "pray the Lord takes me" and the next day "why haven't I had physical therapy this week"! In the end, they both passed on and will be remembered for their incredible will to live. That is a lesson their children and grandchildren will benefit from throughout their lives.
I didn't have to think for long..... I was home for the weekend visiting my parents - I was in my 20's. I got up on Saturday morning and decided I could use the free day to change the brakes on my car. My dad was with me lending a hand. My Dad and I loved each other but we would bicker alot at each other as well. It always drove my mother crazy, she'd say, "can't you two get along?" But the reality was we were getting along - we were just doing it loudly! Anyway, that day and weekend came and went. Less than two years later my father would die of a heart attack at the age of 54. Now I'm 72 - I'd still give anything to bicker with my Dad in the garage one more time.
My mother in law passed away in January at the age of 100. She was always gracious and genuinely interested in our lives without being intrusive. She made it to her 100th birthday party, just 13 days before she passed. She got to attend her own Celebration of Life and gave a short speech thanking her caregivers and family members for their support of her. My own mother lived to be 100; passing three years ago. What these two lives taught me is that the secret to a long life is caring more about others than about yourself. When my mom would get calls from friends and family interested in knowing how she was doing, she immediately turned the call into " I'm fine, more importantly how are you doing"! Lives well lived.
In 2027, my wife and I will celebrate our 50th Anniversary - if you know us, that's quite an accomplishment! To celebrate we are doing a bucket list trip; a 35+ day trip to New Zealand, Australia, Indonesia and Bali. After sharing a smallish stateroom for 30+ days we'll have to see if we're still married when we get home! Seriously, if there is one thing we've learned in retirement, it's focus on experiences, not things. Of course some experiences are more expensive than things, but we can reflect on the enjoyment of the experiences for a lifetime. PS to JC - thanks for your great contributions to helping us all be smarter and wiser financially. Glad to hear you've been able to plan some nice trips and experiences.
Simply said, another great article. I can relate to so many of your points. And having experienced the brief pleasures of success and the painful and often propelling periods of not meeting my own expectations or someone else’s. Life’s many lessons that carve us into who we are or will become. I think the victory is to have balanced the two or at least have a sense of perspective about the total picture of your life. Thanks Jonathan for helping to remind us all to look at the total picture of life.
Comments
Great article. Thanks for sharing.
Post: You Never Know
Link to comment from June 7, 2025
Great idea.
Post: Sharing What We Read: Book Reviews for HD Readers
Link to comment from May 6, 2025
Thanks Jonathan
Post: Let’s Be Adults by Jonathan Clements
Link to comment from April 23, 2025
Thanks for your post. I'll also say "AMEN". We lost my mother three years ago at 100 and my mother-in-law this January at 100. For me the final weeks were remarkably different. One got to pass peacefully; the other was encouraged to eat and drink and sit up when all they wanted was to be left alone and be comfortable in their final days and hours. She was ready to pass; they weren't ready to let her pass.
Post: Lesson Four From Taking Care of a 102 yo in Her Last Year of Life- The Final Hours of Life Can be Beautiful
Link to comment from April 13, 2025
Marriage is an amazing, sometimes frustrating and always challenging life-long (if you are lucky) pursuit which my wife and I have “endured” for 47 years. Every year on our anniversary we celebrate the “miracle”. We separated after less than a year of marriage for almost a year, but realized we were best friends as well. But there have been issues along the way: different ideas about raising children, some differences about finances, and some different views of life. Those are big differences for sure. But we are both stubborn - and we realized that our marriage was a lifelong commitment which we needed to honor both as a sacrament and as a personal bond. Today with grown children and in our retirement we still have our moments, but in June we will celebrate our 48th anniversary - and in those special moments - we are as passionate as our first date. Marriage has taken the long view and sometimes a selflessness - but we’d both say all of it was well worth it.
Post: A Diamond Wedding Anniversary
Link to comment from April 11, 2025
My mother and mother in law both lived to be 100+. My mom died two years ago. She was a good Christian (Methodist) who believed in Heaven, but she cherished life to the bitter end and was always looking for one more day. My mother in law was about as devout a Catholic as I've ever seen. She surely believed in Heaven, but was conflicted - one day she'd say "pray the Lord takes me" and the next day "why haven't I had physical therapy this week"! In the end, they both passed on and will be remembered for their incredible will to live. That is a lesson their children and grandchildren will benefit from throughout their lives.
Post: Lesson Three From Taking Care of a 102 yo in Her Last Year of Life- The Role of Faith in Dying
Link to comment from April 7, 2025
I didn't have to think for long..... I was home for the weekend visiting my parents - I was in my 20's. I got up on Saturday morning and decided I could use the free day to change the brakes on my car. My dad was with me lending a hand. My Dad and I loved each other but we would bicker alot at each other as well. It always drove my mother crazy, she'd say, "can't you two get along?" But the reality was we were getting along - we were just doing it loudly! Anyway, that day and weekend came and went. Less than two years later my father would die of a heart attack at the age of 54. Now I'm 72 - I'd still give anything to bicker with my Dad in the garage one more time.
Post: Hitting Repeat by Jonathan Clements
Link to comment from April 4, 2025
My mother in law passed away in January at the age of 100. She was always gracious and genuinely interested in our lives without being intrusive. She made it to her 100th birthday party, just 13 days before she passed. She got to attend her own Celebration of Life and gave a short speech thanking her caregivers and family members for their support of her. My own mother lived to be 100; passing three years ago. What these two lives taught me is that the secret to a long life is caring more about others than about yourself. When my mom would get calls from friends and family interested in knowing how she was doing, she immediately turned the call into " I'm fine, more importantly how are you doing"! Lives well lived.
Post: Lesson One From Taking Care of a 102 yo in Her Last Year of Life- Be Grateful
Link to comment from April 1, 2025
In 2027, my wife and I will celebrate our 50th Anniversary - if you know us, that's quite an accomplishment! To celebrate we are doing a bucket list trip; a 35+ day trip to New Zealand, Australia, Indonesia and Bali. After sharing a smallish stateroom for 30+ days we'll have to see if we're still married when we get home! Seriously, if there is one thing we've learned in retirement, it's focus on experiences, not things. Of course some experiences are more expensive than things, but we can reflect on the enjoyment of the experiences for a lifetime. PS to JC - thanks for your great contributions to helping us all be smarter and wiser financially. Glad to hear you've been able to plan some nice trips and experiences.
Post: Where Next? What Next?
Link to comment from April 1, 2025
Simply said, another great article. I can relate to so many of your points. And having experienced the brief pleasures of success and the painful and often propelling periods of not meeting my own expectations or someone else’s. Life’s many lessons that carve us into who we are or will become. I think the victory is to have balanced the two or at least have a sense of perspective about the total picture of your life. Thanks Jonathan for helping to remind us all to look at the total picture of life.
Post: Never Quite Enough
Link to comment from September 21, 2024