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In his book “Die with Zero”, Bill Perkins lays out a framework for how to spend money to maximise your life. Ramit Sethi has his “money dials” to explain how to both enjoy money whilst still building a strong financial base.
But I reckon that the two wisest women in my life, specifically my wife and Mum, have it all worked out. And they didn’t have to write a book or start a podcast.
Mum was raised in a comfortable family home. But as was typical for the time, there was always a focus on saving pennies – turn that light off, shut the door so we don’t lose the heat, don’t use too much toilet paper. As the years went by and I saw my parents start to have some freedom to enjoy the fruits of their hard work, my Mum never wanted new cars or overseas travel. Instead, she left a light on whenever she wanted, heated the whole house to whatever temperature she pleased, and had more toilet paper on hand than might reasonably be required.
For Mum, financial freedom was about breaking the shackles of frugality that she grew up with. Simple, relatively low cost, but meaningful.
For my dear wife, Cindy, growing up with a single mother suffering quite complex chronic illness meant that money was always very tight. I’m still amazed at how they managed to get by. So many of the small pleasures that other kids enjoyed were simply out of reach. Cindy seemed to take all of this in her stride. But now that we have some financial flexibility, online shopping provides a pleasant little treat. Nothing that ever moves the needle on our financial health, nor does it fill our house with clutter. But it gives Cindy the thrill of buying what she wants, that was desperately missing from her younger years.
It makes me happy to see that they have both found a simple yet effective way to use a small amount of money to bring some joy into their lives.
Now, if I could only turn this into a podcast…….
I grew up in a very frugal home as did my wife. Since my parents grew up during the great depression, that makes perfect sense to me.
And though my wife and I did very well in our working years, we continued in those frugal habits with the goal of deferred gratification.
Though my default continues to be frugality, since retiring, there has been an increasing shift in my behavior and mindset. I have realized that the time we had been deferring to is now.
And there is an enjoyable freedom in splurging a little where I would have never done that before.
I love this post.
As a frugal woman, I feel an instant bond to both your Mum and wife.
I’ve never been a ‘shopper’ or a traveler. When I see homes in our community filled (and I do mean FILLED) with clutter, it makes my brain hurt.
My passion is (and always has been) animals. And I am delighted that these days I can indulge (spoil) our dogs a bit more than I might have in the past.
Doug, somehow your post reminded me of the TV show, Real People? Your mum and your wife, as well as my parents, could headline a show about what ‘real people’ do. My dad was very poor when growing up, and though my mom’s family was better off, my grandpa was a functioning alcoholic, which presented other challenges to the family. They were both frugal and generous at the same time. My dad was an avid coupon clipper, and a typical grocery trip included stops at three different stores to snap up the best deals at each one. They also seeded the grandkids’ college funds with gifts of $5k each, which was a substantial amount in the late 1970s, and they helped with Catholic school tuition as well. They weren’t guilty of dumb little impulse purchases, but major purchases such as furniture or home improvements were very high quality items. They had drawers full of things like fast food napkins, bags of rubber bands from the delivered newspaper, and stacks of cool whip containers to store leftovers. Christmas gifts overflowed the Christmas Tree, taking over half of the living room. Clearly, their spending priorities were the people they loved.
I think this is key. To know what is important, and freely use your wealth on what is most significant to you.
Greg, my mother says she felt wealthy when she reached the point she could make a grocery purchase without agonizing over the cost.
Before we married, my wife got tearful when I bought her real maple syrup during a grocery shopping trip. In her home, there was only imitation syrup. Last week, I was reminded of that event when I noticed she’d come home with a jug of it.
I look forward to your podcast. What will you call it? “Escape from Frugality” maybe, or “Tales of the Super Frugal”?
Ed,
Being from NH when we are traveling and we go out for breakfast if I want to order pancakes or waffles first I ask the server if they have real maple syrup. If they ask what do you mean, I immediately order eggs.
As a little primer the sap is tapped from only the sugar varieties of maple trees, and for the sap to flow it requires lows below freezing and highs for several consecutive days in the high 30s to low 40s. If the highs exceed the 50s for several consecutive days the sap stops flowing.
BTW it’s been a banner year for producers around here (the seacoast area). Tuesday we received 3 inches of snow, and the low last night was 23.
My wife brings a little bottle of real maple syrup with us on breakfast outings just in case they don’t have it.
Meanwhile…I have bush bean and squash seedlings sprouting in the garden and I’m preparing to set out tomato and pepper plants in a few days.