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I have recently paid attention to calls for help by retirees seeking ways to support a needy child who is, for medical or mental reason, unable to manage to live independently without ongoing financial support. I resonate with such worry, which mirrors mine.
Naturally, I keep a warm heart for all my extended family members despite occasional differential preferences for some over others. My children, nieces and nephews follow the current US economy into a K-shaped future: some with up-sloping prospects, others heading straight down to poverty. Now the cold cash from settling my parents’ estate throws an urgency on the decision on how it is used effectively using a warm heart and a cool head.
I wish for my share of the money to go to the most financially needy family members. My (overthinking) analyses are as follows:
There is no right choice to pick, just a personal imagination of the future path for each choice. I invite those who care to share in this thought exercise. Thanks for reading and more.
Quan,
Did you consider a single premium immediate or deferred annuity? It would guarantee a monthly payment for life, protect the principle from them getting access to it, and remove the responsibility of you or someone else having to manage it and tell them “no, they can’t have it”.
Thank you for the annuity idea. My thinking goes overdrive and imagines that an annuity that pays regularly to a special needs trust would combine several benefits: preventing quick depletion of the principal, non-interfering with Medicaid / SSI eligibility, maintaining incentive for recipient to be independent, paying for supplemental needs under tight conditions.
I like this solution a lot, as it places the decision for how best to use the money on the person in need. Rent assistance, food, drugs, rehab, school, etc. They will be forced to manage their known income.
What I do believe is that you cannot fix someone else’s life, the desire for, and the fortitude to carry out change is something that must come from within that person.
Wanting to help your child or a loved one who is struggling to cope with with life is a VERY tough situation. If you do provide monetary help, it can lead to dependency because they lose the urgency (and need) to solve their own problems.
I think if one does provide assistance there must also be clearly defined conditions/expectations attached to the assistance. Your goal is that your loved one will eventually be able to cope with life, earn money, be responsible with managing money and be self-supportive, AND experience the pride and self-satisfaction that will come naturally from those accomplishments.
Note: My wife and I have personal experience with assisting our son and his family with housing and expenses.
Quan, you have a generous heart. When I read your post, the first thing I thought of was a family member who set up some kind of trust that would benefit multiple generations of his and his wife’s branch of the family, but it is restricted to education. Not just college, but even things like piano lessons for the youngest members. I bring it up as a thought to consider that is different than some of the others have said. Chris