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When I’m turning a tricky problem over in my mind, my normal port of call is my wife Suzie…she’s much more sensible than me. But I have an issue I can’t ask her thoughts on. The reason is simple — it’s a secret that she knows nothing about. So I thought I’d canvass opinions from the Humble Dollar community.
Right now I’m thinking of offering four separate loans to extended family members, and the backstory is straightforward. My wife Suzie turns 60 in late November. A WhatsApp group was set up to coordinate a secret overseas trip to celebrate together — flights, fancy accommodation, the works. Then, just before Christmas, our daughter announced her wedding. Suddenly the same group of people had two major overseas expenses landing within months of each other. For some of them, that’s one trip too many.
The majority of our secret WhatsApp group have suggested a solution is to push the birthday trip back six months. But here’s my thoughts — once the day passes, it’s a memory. You can’t go back and celebrate a 60th that came and went six months ago. So rather than reschedule it into irrelevance, I’m thinking of suggesting I cover everyone’s costs upfront and let them settle up when they can. They’ve all indicated that they would be in a better position for the trip in six months, so I feel repayment would be within that timeframe…give or take.
I’m not even going to call it a loan. The way I’m pitching it is simple — I’ll float the trip until everyone is in a better position. No pressure, no timeline. It sounds like a small distinction but I think it matters. A loan has weight to it. This is just family looking after family.
I trust them completely. That probably sounds like the thing every cautious friend warns you never to say. Maybe they’re right. But keeping everyone at the table and facilitating a family event feels worth more to me than protecting my wallet.
To me, I’d be ensuring a memorable 60th birthday for my wife Suzie with people we care about. What do you think? Am I making the cardinal sin by lending to family? Have you had bad or good experiences leading to loved ones to push a special event over the line?
There is no price tag(s) when it comes to family experiences and enjoyment with each other. I have also floated the idea with our family of 9 for an overseas trip maybe during Christmas. The memories you will have and shared are simply priceless. GO FOR IT as a gift of love and not a loan. If they want to repay that will be fine.
Mark – I’d say go ahead and do it. Call it a loan, call it an offer, call it a gift, whatever. Walk away from the celebration with the joy and happiness of having all of these important people in one place at the critical time. Then, be mentally prepared to never see some of that money ever again, because someone likely won’t pay you back. Keep a stiff upper lip whenever you see those folks again and remember what a great celebration you planned and executed.
Jeff. I took the bull by the horns and reached out to all four people yesterday evening. The comments from the post pretty much predicted the outcome — two said they didn’t actually have enough vacation time to commit, and two accepted. I’m glad it’s resolved and I can get on with organising the trip. From a mildly amusing, clinical perspective, I’ve cut my potential default exposure by 50% without even trying 😂
Okay, yes, I think covering the cost for your daughters, their partners, and the grands is plenty generous.