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Note: This was a late comment to an earlier post that some may have missed. It’s still too early to post other lessons as there are more family gatherings to host.
Here is my take on being grateful: My mother in law is in the hospital now for the last time. When I was riding my stationary bike to relieve some stress the other day (That’s when my mind wanders and I do my best critical thinking/reflecting) I had an epiphany. I was thinking about what I would say at her memorial service and I came up with this: Why would a son in law put his retirement life on hold for a year to care for a 103 year old? Because she is always grateful. I realized that if you always show gratefulness, good things will come back to you. I didn’t realize until just the other day that that is the life lesson she gave to me knowing her for nearly 45 years.
My mother in law passed away in January at the age of 100. She was always gracious and genuinely interested in our lives without being intrusive. She made it to her 100th birthday party, just 13 days before she passed. She got to attend her own Celebration of Life and gave a short speech thanking her caregivers and family members for their support of her. My own mother lived to be 100; passing three years ago. What these two lives taught me is that the secret to a long life is caring more about others than about yourself. When my mom would get calls from friends and family interested in knowing how she was doing, she immediately turned the call into ” I’m fine, more importantly how are you doing”! Lives well lived.
“What these two lives taught me is that the secret to a long life is caring more about others than about yourself.”
True That
Thank you for the reminder to be grateful. I always think of things I’m grateful for when I’m having a difficult day. The easiest way to feel grateful for me is to compare my life and existence with people in war torn areas or areas facing hunger and lack shelter.
Beautiful sentiment, David. I may be about to take the same decision for the same reason.
When I met my MIL 18 years ago, she told me in Chinese that since I had no mom and she had no son, I was now her son. She came to live with us permanently a couple of years ago (after several previous long stretches). We still know nothing of each other’s language, but she seeks me out every morning and every night for a hug (which she doesn’t do with her daughter), and we say wo ai ni (I love you). I say “thanks, Mom!” every day. And we laugh a lot.
She’s now 84. We find out Monday if she has cancer. Whatever I have to put on hold, I will. Travel, music, whatever. Won’t matter.
And if instead she lives to 103, I’ll be 87, and I’ll still be happy to take care of her. As you did with yours.
The greatest gift to fellow mankind is to be a care-giver. I wish I can be that care-giver to my 100-years old mom who lives in Hong Kong, China while I am here in the US, but I am too far away in the US.
My late dad saved & invested enough to see to it that she will be taking care of with two in-house maids & my youngest sister nearby.
They were married for more than 70 years ago as an arranged marriage by my grand-father-in-law for an unknown sum. They first met each other on their wedding night, and saw them every time I visited, they would be holding hands, etc. This is the lesson I learned from my dad to be caring and thankful for every small moment in my relationship with my wife.
David, it’s wonderful that you stepped up to take care of your mother-in-law during the time of her second greatest need. We depend on our parents at the beginning of life, and nearly all of us will need someone like that at the end. You can be at peace for the rest of your life knowing you filled her need.