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Hello HD community. I need to vent a bit and hope that one or more of you can relate to my situation and provide some insights. As I posted on this site several weeks ago, I was terminated the day before my 59th birthday. After close to 40 years, I suddenly found myself without a job that often required long hours including 3 hours of commuting time. I was unhappy and unfulfilled in my role and considered quitting, but prudently held on until I was terminated and received a severance package. While I am relieved that I am no longer bound to my previous employer, I still find myself struggling with the transition. I followed the guidance of my peers and members of this site and took 6 weeks off to decompress before starting my job search on September 1st. While it is still early days, signs of ageism have already appeared in just about every conversation…being asked how long I plan to work or if I am truly ready to take a role with less responsibility and compensation than I previously had. Whether appropriate or not, these are reasonable questions which point out the uphill challenge I face in finding a new role. Here is where the need to vent comes in…friends and family continually ask me, how is retirement treating you? Often followed by you are so lucky and how they envy my position. I politely correct them by saying, I am not retired, I am just not working, and depending on my mood, I might add, getting fired is nothing to celebrate. My wife senses my frustration growing with this seemingly unending exchange as I encounter new people in different social circles. She has pointed out that my answers have become unnecessarily short and curt. Has anyone else faced this challenge?
My heartfelt advice to you isn’t about work or retirement. It’s about relationships.
A short, curt reply can stick with the questioner for years, for a lifetime. It can cause not just hurt feelings but lasting embarrassment in someone who belatedly realizes that their remark to you may have been thoughtless or even inappropriate. They may never forget an exchange that lasts only seconds.
I know you’re hurting, but don’t spread that hurt around to family and friends. They are far more precious than the job you lost. I have been there and done that, and afterwards wished I had just smiled back.
So fake it and smile, and take out your frustration later on a punching bag or a weight rack. Not your people.
Excellent points Mike. Thanks for the reminder of what is really important. I’m good…venting to HD and processing all of the thoughtful responses was good medicine for how I was feeling.
Fortunately, I never had this experience, but I have empathy with those that have. People in your age range are often targets for layoffs even though they perform well.
Earlier this year, my SIL got laid off. He quickly landed on his feet with a job with better pay and benefits. He was a victim of a reorganization that had nothing to do with his job performance. Nonetheless, he said it was a bad feeling to get laid off.
Hang in there, keep you head high and persevere. You have a lot of experience that many companies will value.
Thanks Jerry. Hearing success stories like the one you shared gives me hope that the right hiring manager and the right role will present itself if I do the work and stay focused.