Happiness

CLAY COCKRELL HAS an unusual job. He describes himself as a psychotherapist treating the “1% of the 1%” in New York City. From this vantage point, Cockrell has gained unique insights into the lives of the extremely wealthy. What conclusions does he draw about money and happiness? “If you have an enemy,” Cockrell says, “go buy them a lottery ticket because, on the off-chance that they win, their life is going to be really messed up.”
This observation fits well with the aphorism that “money doesn’t buy happiness.” There’s a growing body of research supporting this view.

I OFTEN FEEL LIKE the Grinch, who “puzzled and puzzled ‘till his puzzler was sore.” One question I’ve puzzled over endlessly: If what I do barely matters in the greater scheme of things, why in the world do I keep doing it?
Here are four related thoughts that often crop up in my writing:

One of life’s great pleasures is working hard at something we care deeply about.
While striving toward our goals can bring great satisfaction,

WE CONSTANTLY STRIVE for more: A bigger paycheck. A loftier job title. A larger home. A more luxurious car. New electronic toys. Higher investment returns.
Make no mistake: There can be great pleasure in this striving—but we may not be so happy with the results. Indeed, on this holiday that celebrates America’s independence, let me put in a plug for a most un-American concept: How about settling for enough—and perhaps even opting for less?

AS I GROW OLDER, I find I become ever more deliberate in how I spend my time and money. How can I get maximum happiness from the dollars I have? How can I get the most from the years that remain? As I wrestle with these questions, six notions have come into much sharper focus:
1. Fewer hassles mean greater happiness. When I was in my 20s, I owned a series of clunkers that turned every trip into a nail-biter.

HOW WE CHOOSE TO spend our time and money is a declaration of what we deem important. A modest example: We might enjoy watching a wide array of cable channels, while caring little about the clothes we wear, and that’s reflected in our costly cable bill and minimal spending on clothing. And there’s nothing wrong with a choice like that—if it is indeed what we want.
But is it? Often, the things we consider important—and hence how we lead our lives and how we spend our money—aren’t the product of our own careful contemplation.

WE MAKE COUNTLESS decisions—financial and otherwise—with little or no thought to the dollars at stake:

We purchase items that we know are overpriced and almost guaranteed to lose value, but we do so happily, because they have a meaning for us that’s far greater than their price tag. Think of artwork and vacation souvenirs that are purchased because they remind us of moments we treasure.
We prize family possessions for their sentimental value, even though they typically have scant financial worth.

WE SPEND TOO MUCH time thinking about what’ll make us happy. We’re always looking for the next high. This morning, we plan our Starbucks coffee in hopes it’ll somehow makes us feel happy. If that doesn’t work, we look for something else, perhaps lunch at a nice restaurant or a weekend getaway to a favorite location.
Don’t get me wrong: There’s nothing wrong with trying to find happiness with these types of experiences. But I think we’re missing the other half of the happiness equation: We should also focus on what makes us unhappy.

IN THE GRAND SCHEME of things, money is just a tool and net worth is just a number. We shouldn’t work solely to make more money. Instead, our goal should be to use that money to create as happy a life as we possibly can.
In their book Happy Money: The Science of Happier Spending, Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton explore this idea. How can we best use money to buy happiness?

DO CHILDREN BRING happiness? As someone who has invested heavily in small people over the years—I have two children and two stepchildren—I want to believe the answer is “yes.” But the evidence suggests otherwise.
This, I realize, is a touchy subject, so let me offer a few crucial caveats before you fire off that fiery email. The studies cited here offer conclusions based on broad averages. Your experience could be entirely different. Moreover, it may be that children give special meaning to our lives,

IS THIS A MOMENT of cultural change? I see glimpses of a new way of thinking. The New York Times recently ran articles on both the cult of thrift and the financial independence/retire early—or FIRE—movement. Words like mindfulness, purpose and meaning have gained new currency. U.S. household debt is growing, but it’s still barely higher than a decade ago. The national savings rate even shows signs of improving.
Maybe this is yet another reverberation from the Great Recession.

TWENTY-FIVE YEARS ago, I found myself quite unexpectedly spending a night in Reno, Nevada. Gambling was the obvious form of evening entertainment, but money was tight back then. A friend convinced me to splurge and spend $20 playing a slot machine. My measly 25- and 50-cent wagers kept me entertained for nearly an hour, but when I was down to my last few quarters, I bet them all on one final play.
The machine immediately lit up with a colorful array of flashing lights and I waited patiently for my winnings to start spilling out.

FINANCIAL FREEDOM is the ability to spend our days doing what we love—and, with any luck, it will come with age. As we amass more wealth, we should become less motivated by fears of layoffs and hopes of bigger paychecks. Instead, our motivation should come from within, because we are increasingly free to focus on the things we’re passionate about.
This, I believe, is one of the three pillars of a happy financial life: We have fewer money worries,

WHAT MATTERS IS WHAT we focus on. Forget the bad that has happened. Don’t dwell on the goals that remain elusive. Instead, if we’re striving for greater happiness, we should ponder the good in our lives.
This is a great moment to do just that: Most of us are surrounded by friends and family, we have time away from work—and the abundance offered by U.S. society is, in many households, epitomized by a flabbergasting pile of presents.

SELF-DETERMINATION theory posits that we have three basic psychological needs: the need for competence, relatedness and autonomy. When these needs are satisfied, we’re more motivated and experience a greater sense of well-being.
To this, you might reasonably respond, “What the heck are you talking about?”
As I see it, self-determination theory provides a useful framework for thinking about the connection between money and happiness. We tend to be happier and more enthused about our daily lives if we’re engaged in activities we feel we’re good at (competence),

I HAVE NEVER BEEN under the illusion that happiness was a simple matter of more money and more material goods. But I did question where happiness could be found.
When I was young, I saw poverty at its most extreme in newly formed Bangladesh, where my family lived for four years during the 1970s. People struggled each day to stay alive and were lucky to find food and shelter.
As an adult traveling through Mexico,