FREE NEWSLETTER
Hi, my name is David, and I am a newsaholic! There I’ve said it. Admitting you have an addiction is the first step to recovery, right?
All my life I have been addicted to reading the news. I like to be informed about the goings on locally, nationally, and internationally. I think it is a way for me to lower my anxiety. Over the past 8-9 years however things have changed.
What does this have to do with taking care of my mother in law? Well in the four days between when she fell and passed away I had no time to follow the news.
During that time I thought about how following the news and politics had changed me into a very angry person. Ironically I realized I had become one of the angry people I was angry about. Much to my wife’s chagrin I was constantly opining on every report while reading and watching political coverage. I also was cutting myself off from family members who had opposite political views from me. First it was my uncle because of an email after January 6th. Then it was my brother after the most recent election.
While I was spending hours alone at my mother in law’s bedside while she unconscious I decided that I would change my thinking. First I decided that I would stop following the news. I also decided that once things settled I would reconnect with my family members. I joked to my wife that since I had made these decisions I felt like the Grinch, “whose heart grew three sizes that day.”
Sadly life is not a Dr Seuss book. As I have written in a previous post I found out days after my mother in law passed that my uncle was dying and when I spoke to him on the phone he was able to speak only minimally and so we really couldn’t converse effectively. I was there two days later helping my aunt and cousins as he passed.
I have also reconnected with my brother who weeks before joked to my wife at the local grocery store that he thought he had not heard from me as I didn’t want to converse with someone who had just turned 65.
So the final lesson that I learned taking care of a 102 year old in her final year of life is don’t let outside influences come between you and your family members. You may not have time to correct it, and have to live with the regrets.
My first thought is that not all relationships within one’s family are worth maintaining. If you do care about a family member and want to stay connected with them that’s great, but I don’t think someone is automatically worth the effort just because they are related to me. There are plenty of people with lousy relatives. Don’t waste your effort on those people. The difference in politics is usually only a part of the problem, from what I typically see. It’s really the means of communicating ideas back and forth that creates the wedge between people. There’s so many great people out there, why spend your energy on someone you don’t get along with?
I’ve also found that news can be addicting and mentally unhealthy. Recently it’s reminded me of my behavior during the early days of COVID. Last week I deleted the news apps from my phone which has helped to keep my news reading to maybe once or twice a day.
David, thanks for the series. Taking care of those we love in their last days and hours is a very profound experience. I’m glad you are using the experience to enhance your life.
I am the odd person out in my family with a different understanding of what is happening in our country. I decided years ago to step around “politics” and find ways to connect and maintain relationships. Also, when family is in need, I am there for them.