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I’VE BEEN MARRIED TWICE, yet neither time could I take my newlywed wife on a proper honeymoon, let alone a lavish one. Hearing the honeymoon stories of others always left me feeling wistful, tinged with a hint of envy.
My first marriage was a bit rushed. My first wife—now my ex—and I wanted a no-frills civil marriage followed by a simple reception. But my parents insisted on a traditional Bengali wedding with its array of rituals, many of which seemed meaningless to me. The clash between my youthful arrogance and my parents’ orthodox stance blew this seemingly minor disagreement out of proportion, and it didn’t end well.
Long story short, I left amid a heated argument and decided to do things my way. My fiancée and I exchanged vows in the office of a marriage registrar in Kolkata. A few close friends attended the modest celebration that followed, but none of my family. Disappointed and disheartened by how things unfolded, we weren’t in the mood for a honeymoon.
Thankfully, sanity prevailed after a few months. Faced with the consequences of our stubbornness and momentary lapse of reason, both my parents and I hurried to reconcile and mend the emotional wounds. It took some time to move past the bitter experience. By the time the dust settled, it was too late for a honeymoon.
My second wedding wasn’t entirely devoid of tension, albeit for a different reason. Divorce and remarriage are still uncommon and frowned upon in our culture and family. For undertaking such a step, both Bonny—my soon-to-be second wife and a single mother—and I were pioneers in our respective families. As the wedding day neared, we felt the apprehension of “what would people say” hovering over our parents and elders.
The wedding turned out to be less dramatic than we feared. We were married in a lovely venue in Kolkata by a Vedic priest who insisted on including the essential rituals of a Bengali marriage, while omitting the outdated ones. Elders from our families, close relatives and friends all attended the ceremony to offer their blessings and best wishes. My eight-year-old stepdaughter and nine-year-old niece enthusiastically took charge of greeting and entertaining the guests.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t a honeymoon this time, either. We were concerned that my stepdaughter might feel neglected, especially after such a significant change in her life. In addition, Bonny’s mother, who was battling late-stage colon cancer, was in poor health. We chose to postpone our honeymoon to another time, but that time never came.
Still, I’m finally experiencing what a honeymoon feels like. No, I didn’t have to go through yet another divorce and remarriage to finally enjoy the long-desired honeymoon. Bonny and I are perfectly content in our marriage, and we both intend to keep it that way. Instead, it’s another milestone in our lives: my retirement.
A brief recap of my journey through the retirement stages so far: My “pre-retirement” phase began in 2014 when, on my 47th birthday, I resolved to retire by age 50. Though I was enjoying my work, I grew weary of the relentless pursuit of career advancements and professional accolades in the U.S. corporate rat race. It took more than three years of planning and portfolio adjustments before I took the leap.
The moment arrived, and I broached the subject of retirement with my supervisor. After pulling a few strings, he offered me a reduced-hour arrangement. Initially, I agreed to try the part-time role for one year, but the low-stress position surpassed my expectations. After all, who wouldn’t relish the luxury of four-day weekends every week of the year? This “semi-retirement” phase continued for more than five years, until I made the decision to call it quits last fall.
My “retiring” stage began when I informed my team of my intention to leave. Instead of setting a firm date based on the standard notice period, my manager and I opted for flexibility, leaving the date open to minimize disruption. The goal was to allow ample time for hiring the right replacements, transferring my workload and monitoring the team’s progress ahead of my departure.
It took several months from the date of my initial announcement to officially becoming an ex-employee. Surprisingly, this period turned out to be the most relaxing and carefree time of my entire career. I was no longer accountable for ongoing projects, nor considered for new tasks. My role shifted to providing support and guidance for the new managers, if necessary. But to the team’s credit, I found myself simply sitting back, relaxing and enjoying the show.
Meanwhile, the notes congratulating me on my retirement kept pouring in. My team organized a couple of events to reminisce about our time working together. As a farewell gift, my coworkers presented me with a ukulele. With the help of YouTube lessons, I learned how to play Jamaica Farewell on the ukulele and made a recording. That recording served as my parting gift to my teammates.
The next phase of retirement—the proverbial “honeymoon” stage—began earlier this year. For the first few days, I didn’t feel anything was different, except for preparing for the big trip I’d planned. I was heading to India to spend two months with my mother. As I was about to set my out-of-office message before the trip, I remembered that neither was it necessary nor did I have access to my work email anymore. That feeling was truly liberating.
It’s only been a few months, but I already understand why they call it the honeymoon phase. I’ve been relishing my newfound freedom. The time is entirely mine to enjoy. With the liberty to plan my days and activities however I please, I wasted no time in charting out my next six months.
I contacted friends with whom I’d lost touch, including folks from different stages of my life. This included my best friend from school, who later became a monk after completing his engineering degree. I visited the ashram where he currently resides. Reuniting with him after 25 years was an incredibly special moment.
I also caught up with many college friends, some of whom I was seeing for the first time since our college days, only to find that our bond hadn’t faded a bit. Luckily for me, several close friends had settled in India and stayed in contact with one another. I was delighted to join their network and meet up a few times, both in small groups and one-on-one. It’s never too late to reconnect.
Another highlight of my 10-week stay in India was the tours I took with various companions, but I’ll save those stories for another post. After returning to the U.S. a few weeks ago, Bonny and I made a short trip to experience the music scene in New Orleans, and we’ll be heading to French Polynesia in a few weeks. Suffice it to say, I’m cherishing every moment of my retirement honeymoon and hoping it lasts forever.
Sanjib Saha retired early from software engineering to dedicate more time to family and friends, pursue personal development and assist others as a money wellness mentor. Self-taught in investments, he passed the Series 65 licensing exam as a non-industry candidate. Sanjib is the president and co-founder of Dollar Mentor, a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization offering free investment and financial education. Follow his non-profit on LinkedIn, and check out Sanjib’s earlier articles.
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Love this. I’m planning for my retirement about a year from now, and one of the things on my list is a celebratory trip to French Polynesia, probably in the fall of 2025. I’m squirreling away hotel points and airline miles for it now. I smiled when I saw that this was one of your “delayed honeymoon” trips. Best to you and Bonny!
Thank you, DrLefty. We loved French Polynesia – the most beautiful place we’ve ever been to. None of us had diving experience, so we couldn’t enjoy the place to the fullest, but the snorkeling was amazing in the islands. Almost felt like swimming in a giant natural aquarium.
I enjoyed this, Sanjib, and so glad you’ve managed such a successful retirement (and glide path to it). Similar to your experience with work email, I remember the joy and relief I felt when, a few weeks after officially retiring, I could finally quit my obsessive checking of office voicemails. Nothing beats that feeling of liberation!
Thanks, Andrew. I’m neither missing the work emails nor the occasional morning meetings, but I do miss my team, especially those whom I had managed from their early career stages and watched growing into seasoned engineers. I did meet my team last month for lunch, and a few other folks 1:1 a couple of times. I wish to stay in touch as much as I can.
Thanks for an interesting article and congratulations both on your retirement and the lead up to finally quitting. Hope it continues to work out for you.
Your marriages in India brought back memories. Back in 2001 I happened to be staying in a hotel in Bhubaneswar the day a wedding was taking place there and was invited to attend. I was told it was a very stripped down affair (no elephant parades that I know about) but it was still fascinating.
Thank you, mytimetotravel. Great to hear that you had a brief exposure to Indian wedding, albeit a stripped down one. The rituals and ceremonies vary from state to state, but I guess the one you saw in Bhubaneswar might be very similar to a typical Bengali wedding. Odissa and Bengal are neighboring states with overlapping food-habits, language and culture.
Unedited photos of the wedding, plus temples, mostly Konark: https://kwilhelm.smugmug.com/Travel/Asia-2001/Orissa
Great pictures. Thanks for sharing.
Congratulations Sanjib. I enjoyed this article, and look forward to hearing about your other retirement pursuits. Do you plan to keep up with the ukulele? I bought one some years ago but haven’t put the time in to play well. I understand there are ukulele orchestras around the country that allow you to sit and learn. Santa Cruz, CA has one that plays at the harbor – it looks like a lot of fun.
Thank you, Rick. After my initial exploration, I haven’t had a chance to practice the ukelele any further. We went to French Polynesia recently and during the trip, I realized I should’ve kept up with the instrument. I saw many islanders playing it at various places, and it’d have been a nice experience to take part in a casual playing together. I want to find time to practice it some more, so that I do not forget the chord formations at least for the basic chords.
I do enjoy trying out various musical instruments, and of late, I’m trying my hands on bamboo flutes that I stopped playing some 20+ years ago. It’s fun for me, but apparently not so much for my wife and daughter to hear the occasional squeaks and off-tune sounds :). I play only when I’m home alone ;).
About a month or so after we got married and were living in our first home my wife said to me: “I think I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life!”
I started laughing uproariously because I felt exactly the same way!
After we stopped laughing we talked about really communicating our feelings. We still argue about stupid stuff. But after a number of children – all grown up with kids (our grandchildren) – we’re stll together after 40+ years.
BTW…we drove out east to Washington DC for our Honeymoon. When our 40th came up the kids got together and planned – and paid for VBG – a reprise trip.
While we can’t remember doing so we must have talked – a lot – about how much fun we had on our Honeymoon. The kids must have remembered what we said.
Thank you for sharing your experience, Winston Smith. It’s inspiring to hear from folks who are happily married for 40+ years.
Sanjib, congratulations on retiring, at your young age you should have many great years in front of you. In this article you present a blueprint that anyone could use to get the most out of retired life.
And Harry Belafonte sure had a great voice!
Thank you, Dan Smith. I think the transition to part-time before retirement went quite well for me, and I think this is a path worth a serious exploration, especially for someone who’s experiencing the “just one more year” symptom. I saw a recent Kiplinger article suggesting this path as well.