FREE NEWSLETTER
Between Thanksgiving and the New Year, I mourned the passing of five people in my life. All were born in the 1920s or ’30s—a generation that navigated world wars and technological revolutions, from the birth of air travel to the digital age. While they shared a history, each taught me a valuable lesson about how they enjoyed and suffered life in their own unique ways.
I recently came across an interview with 94-year-old author Judith Viorst on her tips for the “Final Fifth” of life. Two of her insights struck me deeply:
“Asking for help is a good way not to fall down.”
“Our kids wish to keep us safe at all costs, and we want to maintain our autonomy at all costs: it’s the natural tension that connects us.”
I am trying to acquire patience, but I’ve realized I would rather have the wisdom of the ages now, rather than waiting another decade or two to earn it. They say smart people learn from their own experience, but the wise learn from the experiences of others.
To the “wise ones” in this community who are in their 80s or 90s: Please share your life lessons.
What has surprised you most about this later stage of life, (e.g. social invisibility?). How have you coped?
Looking back, what plans or worries from your early retirement years now seem unimportant?
What is the one attitude or perspective you intend to hold onto for the rest of your life?
I look forward to learning from your journeys.
Quan:
May God Bless you in your time of sorrow.
My older brother was KIA in Vietnam in 1965, when I was 15.
I lost my nom and step mom in a 10 month span, in 2010-2011.
My dad died at 53, very early on in my life, 1980, when I was 29.
My younger broither died of AIDS in 1991, when I was 41.
My stepdad died at 94, in 2018, when I was 68.
My younger sister died in 2020, when I was 70.
Question 1. We never know when our loved ones will leave us, but at my age, (75) I have few loved ones left to lose…my wife, my two children, and one younger sister, (who is 72 and is suffering from dementi aand has just moved in with her daughter,) all all the family I have left. My wife is in a similar situation, with two of her siblings still living, but her parents and 3 other siblings having already passed.
Question 2. I retired in 2024. I have’t really been surprised by anything…but I was amazed to feel the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders, when I realized that I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do, because other than my wife of 51 years, I owed nothing to anyone. We are debt free, no mortgage, and have well more than we need financially. Originally, like most retirees, I was concerned about the money lasting as long as iwedo, but annuities and Social Security solved that issue. Our guanteed income is almost twice our retirement expoenses…with only using 4% of our portfolio annually. If we need additional income in the future, we can simply stop using our RMDs ($16,777.31 in 2026) as QCDs.
After reading Bill Perkins’ book, Die With Zero, we have begun gifting annual gifts to our 2 children, rather than waiting for them to inherit whatever is left, when we die.
Question 3. Because we are financially free, I have been volunteering pro-bono at my church, a food pantry, Meals on Wheels, and a number of other charities through my affiliation with the Knights of Columbus.
To fulfill a life long ambition to earn my doctorate, I am also completing a doctoral degree in Ministry and became a licensed chaplain. The secret to a fulfilling life is now, and always will be, service to others.
Happy New Year!
Thank you, Mike. Happy New Year to you and yours.
Condolences on your losses, Quan.
They do tend to come in bunches.
Thank you. The timing of death is rarely ours to know, but the choice of how to spend the time we have left is a profound power we all still hold.