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My friend recently spent five days with us at our vacation home. At some point our conversation turned to his work situation. He’s an independent IT systems rollout contractor in his early sixties, based in London, with years of experience and a large network of industry contacts. The trouble right now is a prolonged downturn in the market, and contracts have been few and far between for the last fifteen months.
As a result, he’s been burning through his cash buffer faster than the occasional job can replenish it. Fifteen months in, it’s not yet a crisis, but it’s starting to worry him. He’s been thinking about cutting back on his lifestyle spending. At one point during our chat he started throwing out figures, different expenses, what he might scale back.
Then he said his gym membership was non-negotiable, which gave me pause. I pushed back, telling him that $275 a month for a high-end gym was silly money, and that it was the obvious thing to cut. His response reminded me how differently we each weigh what counts as “essential.”
Work has dried up, and he’s a single guy whose close friends have either passed away or moved far from London. The gym is what gives his day structure. He gets up early, swims a hundred lengths, spends time in the sauna, and relaxes on the facility’s artificial beach. It’s his daily dose of social contact and it keeps his mental wellbeing intact.
He’s been a member for years. He knows the regulars, and he knows the staff. To him, it’s not a luxury. It’s essential to his overall wellbeing.
It got me thinking about my own red line: membership fees for a couple of racket sports clubs. On paper they look easy to cut, but they keep me fit and they keep me connected to a regular group of people and a sport I love. I’m not sure I could give up one membership, let alone both.
What about you? Is there something in your budget that most people would call optional, but you consider a red line you’d struggle to cut? What is it, and why does it matter so much to you?
I will admit I haven’t read all these comments, but I was struck by both the friend and the author recognizing the place that activiy-related socializing held for them. I think it is easy to think that our social needs should come from “friendships” that somehow magically develop or that we have had forever. But as I have retired, ended caregiving when my husband died, and am now experiencing a retired life on my own, as well as having relocated, I have come to value the socializing that occurs in all kinds of situations. Whether connections develop because of an activity, or whether it is just passing connections at an event, etc., we humans need that link to others, and we need to value that and focus on how we make that happen, to whatever degree, above all. It will keep us able to be alone much of the time in our lives, but happy, and mentally healthy, because we have a variety of connections.
Wendy, sorry to hear of your loss. Sport, and the social side that comes with it, has been a constant thread through my life since childhood. I’d say the social aspect matters as much for the mind as the exercise does for the body. And as you say, it doesn’t happen on its own — we have to make the effort.
My sporting journey has evolved with age: rough contact sports like rugby and football when I was young, faster competitive sports like tennis and badminton as I moved on from contact, and now easing into gentler ones like pickleball and padel. Through it all, the constant has been the social connection.
Things I could cut, first class plane tickets, day trips once or twice a month where I burn up a full tank of gas, buying a new cordless power tool I don’t really need, buying a large 5.3 oz. Lindt Dark Chocolate Hazelnut Classic Recipe Bar every Sunday when I do my grocery shopping. But I’m not in the saturation of your friend. I’m retired, have no debt, and my pension and social security income cover all my expenses with money left over.
If I was your friend I’d being cutting back everything to the bare minimum. The last thing he wants is to run out of money. He should also explore looking for another job, any job, even part time which would slow or stop his cash buffer draw down and extend extend the time he can wait until things pick up again.
Tim, that’s exactly the conversation we were having about cutting back. My friend still has an 18-month buffer in his business account, but he’s being proactive about stretching that out closer to the two-year mark. On a personal note, I’ve got a bit of a weakness for chocolate with nuts, so I’m going to check out that Lindt bar — sounds good.
Running. Shoes every six months or so is the main equipment expense, but where it really adds up are breakfasts after group runs and organized races. I estimate at least a couple thousand over the last five years for at least sixty events – 5K, 10K, half and a couple of full marathons. Some races are $150. The race proceeds go to a good cause and there is a big social aspect.
Good point, Brian. I normally burn through two pairs of tennis shoes and a couple of badminton pairs every year—that’s a $700 cost I’d honestly never factored in before.
I enjoy the fellowship of the guys at our city’s senior center gym, and it only costs $60 a year. Yes, $5 per month. We also play Nine Square in the Air there on Friday mornings with a mixed group of fun people. I volunteer at a local hospital and enjoy the time with the other volunteers and employees there. Keeps me off the streets…
Mark, I’d never heard of ‘Nine Square in the Air’ before. I didn’t quite get it from a Google search, but a quick YouTube video made it click. Looks like fun!—thanks for the introduction.
My Friday men’s group:
Gas: $25
Tolls: $15
Lunch: $25
So I’m spending nearly $3500 a year to meet every week with a bunch of old guys. Everybody else comes every week too, so I guess everyone likes it.
I must be frugal. We meet at the Meeting room of a CCRC, one guy makes coffee, the other brings a few Pepsi’s, and ice. We play one hand of poker with 4 decks for $5, and there are 3 winners, high, low and the guy who gets the joker. All the socializing you want for $5, but you could win $55! The Birthday boy is supposed to bring cookies or the like. Great FUN, and always something to learn, this week it was Route 66.
In our group, our host is a centi-millionaire and serves a $65 cake every week. He is well aware that you can’t take it with you. His coffee is pretty good, too. I am in charge of providing and making the tea.
Ormode, $65 a week sounds like money well spent. I’m a self-certified frugalist through and through — except when it comes to staying in touch with family and friends. There, I’ll happily throw the budget out the window.
Mark, I’m with you on the “family and friends” spending. Currently sitting here in my charity shop trousers and t-shirt, but I’m happy to pay for dinner, and some good wine. I can’t think of anything that I could buy to make me happy, but I’ve finally worked it out that family and friends really are the key.
Is there something in your budget that most people would call optional, but you consider a red line you’d struggle to cut?
Red lines? Probably Sophie the wonder cat and Chrissy.
Here are a few things that could be trimmed. We have a contract with an exterminator that we could live without. Also a maid that comes in once per month for a deeper clean, though this may be a red line for Chris. Those total less than $200. A lease payment on a second car is a splurge we could surely eliminate, $385. We eat out often but not at expensive places. As with your friend’s gym membership, I think socialization is important for us. We could probably save several hundred if we cut back on restaurants, but we wouldn’t like it.
Those few things are a tiny slice of our spending, however, eliminating them would put us at a spending level that is within our guaranteed income sources.
Just kidding about Chris. She’s my personal business manager; I’d be in trouble without her. She is stuck with me forever.
We have a cleaning service every two weeks in NJ and on the Cape when we are there. We also have landscaping service and a guy who cleans gutters and the deck and a service that goes to our house once a week all year while we are not there to see everything is alright inside and out. It all adds up.
However, what once could have been considered a luxury is now a necessity. The real luxury is being able to pay for all of it.
Dan, a maid service would be completely wasted on us. Suzie pre-cleans hotel bathrooms before housekeeping arrives — I’ve long since given up fighting that battle, she’s a lost cause 🙄
I’m with your wife. We tried many cleaning services while we were both working; we concluded they left the house dirtier than when they found it. The idea they were bringing vacuums and other materials used in other people’s houses was dusgusting! I’m not a super cleaner, but better than we were paying for.
Our maid says my bathroom is the cleanest one that she’s ever cleaned.
I’m sure she enjoys the gig at your house!
The gym membership would not be the thing that jumped out at me there but rather the age and readiness for transitioning to retirement, given the external environment.
But yeh once you have the budget, spend it how you wish, Ideally in a way that gives you and people you care for most utility rather than because it keeps up with the Joneses or is in some way performative.
My own red line is holidays/trips – they needn’t be flashy, indeed I often delight in tracking down the cheapest hotel./b&b rooms in a given location but I derive more pleasure in the planning, the doing and the remembering than in any number of material goods or everyday luxuries.
His financial retirement plan is well on course — his main challenge is letting go of the comfort blanket we call work. As for your observation about flashy vacation destinations and hotels, I’m more of a middle-of-the-road guy. I don’t like ultra-cheap accommodation, but I’m equally ill at ease in five-star luxury… it’s just not my vibe.
Bbobbins,
When it comes to hotels we have now flipped the script. We had always looked for nearly the least expensive hotels when traveling while we during our working years. This summer when planning our two week trip to the UK in September we only looked at hotels in the 4-5 star level, determined what a reasonable price was in those levels and then chose the hotels. We now know where our portfolio stands 7 years into retirement and know that we will be fine financially upgrading a bit.
My very initial ‘back or the envelope’ cost estimate for our recent California road trip included $300 per night for hotels. This is because the cheapest hotels often come with moldy shower curtains and all sorts of seedy characters milling about. I’ve even seen police descend on some in order to arrest someone trying to avoid that fate.
My mother-in-law was a model of frugal living. When her health issues qualified her to live in an assisted living facility paid for by her long term care insurance, she had no problem moving several states to a facility near her already-retired oldest son. Her favorite amenity was the free ice cream bar on her floor. True to her nature, she never overdid so she didn’t gain weight. She died of a pulmonary embolism just six days after she had dined in a nice restaurant with all her children and grandchildren to celebrate her 90th birthday. God bless Thelma Grady who showed me how to live a good life in retirement! 😊. P.S. Now that I can no longer send my all-access Sirius XM to my Bose Soundtouch receiver (presets no longer supported by Bose) and Sirius won’t give this 18-year subscriber a free receiver, I can’t think of anything else that I couldn’t live without. Not renewing Sirius XM. Will try something else.
Free ice-cream? I don’t have your mother-in-law’s willpower — not even close. Two years ago we stayed at a resort in Barbados with a complimentary ice-cream parlour, and let’s just say by the end of the trip I was on first-name terms with the entire staff 😉
Mark,
We visited Barbados last February. We make a point to book hotels, not resorts as we like to intermingle with the locals and try different local restaurants. The people of Barbados are wonderful. If you look like you are going to cross the street they stop for you. The only time you heard automobile horns was when they were letting other cars onto the road, or when the crazy van cabs would let you know they had space. If you haven’t been there these vans are nuts. Once we were crammed into a four bench van with about 20 other people going about 60 on a crowded two way road.
David, I got to experience the local Barbados vibe on a few evenings at St. Lawrence Gap — it’s a great spot, full of energy and local restaurants. If you’re ever back on the island, you should check it out.
As for the cab buses, yep, I’ve been squeezed in sardine-style for a few hair-raising trips into Bridgetown! Cheap as anything, though, and honestly the best way to travel. Can’t quite picture my local town authority ever bringing that concept over here, lol.
Oh, I forgot the Friday fish fry. Best meal we had all week. Did you go?
We did — and it was such a good evening that we went back the following Friday. Both times I had the fried red snapper, which was delicious.
😀😋🍦🍦🍦
That is a good question Mark. I have never been faced with that dilemma. I am pretty frugal and there are not many places to cut. I am a widower and prepare most of my meals myself. My gym membership is $10 a month. I used to have a more expensive gym membership, about $85 a month. It did not offer much more to me and was a much longer drive. That was an easy change. My most obvious expense would be cable TV at $269 a month. I have been too lazy to explore streaming alternatives, but if necessary, that would be my first change.
Hopefully, I will not be faced with that dilemma in the future.
Jerry, I’m right there with you on cooking at home — I do the same. Tonight, though, we walked over to the golf club beside our vacation home for dinner. The meal was lovely, but when the bill came, I had one of those moments: I could’ve fed myself for a week on what we just paid for one meal.
I have always been amazed by how people classify things as necessities vs. luxuries, but I learned many years ago not to judge. When you are working with people, but couples especially, the differences are most apparent.
As an advisor, most of my clients were affluent or rising affluents, but I did work with some couples who were struggling due to job loss or other financial crises. The first and most obvious thing to do in a financial crisis is to examine your cash outflows. This is when the definition of necessity vs. luxury usually comes into play.
The need for 2nd cars, cable TV (or today, multiple streaming subscriptions), club memberships of all sorts, levels of spending on groceries and especially meals eaten outside the home, lunches, Lattes, smart devices (iPhones, iPads, for children), and on and on.
Having been blessed in my lifetime, financially and otherwise, I still recall periods in my 20s and 30s when we “cut back” for a month or two, but overall, eliminating “luxuries” has never been an issue for us. Now that we are retired, not much has really changed. I am certain that if we had to, we could easily eliminate $500-$1000 a month in spending. Our Cable bill is a prime example. It is @$250 a month. (Dish’s All American plan) I guarantee I have never watched 2/3rds of the channels. I am absolutely certain that just stopping ordering things from Amazon alone would do it. Another easy fix…stop using credit cards and use cash or debit cards.
I recently stopped drinking coffee, but when I did, I would stop by Starbucks on occasion. $6.00-$7.00 for a coffee? To me, that is insanity, but since their 2025 net income was $1.86 billion, apparently millions of people don’t agree with me.
Just before I retired, I gave our recurring expenses a proper once-over — cell plans, broadband, TV and entertainment, the lot. It didn’t take long to find better deals: better service, lower cost, across the board. Loyalty normally gets you nothing but a bigger bill.
My grandson currently has an Xbox subscription he barely touches, and he’s been lobbying hard for a premium sports channel. So I’ve told him — pick one. Consider it his first lesson in budgeting, taught the old-fashioned way: by taking something away.
Moral of the story — there’s almost always fat to trim, you just have to go looking for it.
“artificial beach” ?!?!
Yeah, exactly my reaction when he first mentioned it. Apparently it serves a dual purpose: a relaxing beach/pool area at certain times of day, and a workout surface at others. The idea is that training on sand works your muscles harder and in different ways than solid ground.
I see a lot of value in “essential” activities. For my wife and I it is two YMCA branches, a community center and a senior center (twice) every week in search of boot camps, yoga classes, cardios, pilates and zumba (even though we don’t share all of them) and weight training. Each morning is as busy as it used to be as when I was working.
Prior to this I try to do six mile bike and a three mile walk each morning before the day gets started.
I used to visit a hematologist /professor at one time who recently passed away. After looking at what I do he said, “you know, when I came to work at Baylor my supervisor used to tell me to be careful, as we are blessed with only so many heartbeats.”
In my experience what is essential is purely subjective and purely personal.
My “non exercising” friends are fond of the “wasted heartbeat” thing … I tell them that my resting heart rate is in the upper 40’s. Ergo they need to do the math on how many beats i use running and how many less i am using the rest of the day!:)
That’s a good point. My resting heart rate is very low fifties. All our unnecessary exercise is doing something right!
Only so many heartbeats, huh? That doesn’t sound right to me — I’d have thought exercise, even with a higher beats-per-minute, extends life rather than shortens it.
Of course!
And he delivered that with a mischievous smile…
Or, “your heart is just like every other muscle in your body (not really as it is smooth, vs skeletal muscle) that needs to be exercised on a regular basis.
I’ve mentioned these folks before, so I apologize if anyone recalls the post. They were business clients who had lost the shop and were going through bankruptcy. They didn’t have enough money to pay me in a lump sum. They also had two dogs, one of which was a Newfoundland, who could eat them out of house and home. They loved those dogs. I get it.
I could never ever give up a pet I own. We are down to one pet now and I believe he gets better medical attention than I give myself. The expenses can be high, but I would never let an animal suffer. Ever notice homeless people who have pets? I get it too.
Dan, I’m just not an animal person — I don’t really get it. But if I had to pick a four-legged friend over my tennis club membership, I suppose I could repurpose the racket and balls for a game of fetch with the offending pooch.
i take Aqua aerobics in a lap pool and a yoga type class in a warm water pool, I’d cut back food before giving up either! They are important exercise and social opportunities for me.
Cutting back on food? wow…that’s hardcore exercise commitment.
We had a 90 year old woman in the class who had been in it for about 20years. Her husband died in the middle of the night. Her kids insisted she attend the class the following morning. I think it was good call on the part of her kids. The class members were very supportive.
I have several items that fall into the “Self-Care/Wellness” category:
I started getting the massages when I developed “cranky” shoulders (recurrent bouts of frozen shoulder). At first I just had upper-body work but now do full body. My shoulders are OK at the moment, but I consider it maintenance.
I probably could manage without the Pilates classes if I had to cut back; they do have Pilates classes on the Peloton platform that I already pay for. But I like the studio and I like having an instructor with “eyes on” my form.
As for the pedicures, yes, I like my toes to look nice given that I live in California and spend about 10 months per year in sandals. But a nice pedicure is good for your overall foot health, too. My husband joins me for pedicures but not for toe polish!
Honestly, I’d have zero problem cutting your expenses — unlike normal people, I don’t enjoy being massaged, and I’ve also got a weird thing about people touching my feet. So yeah, I’m basically a walking bundle of “please don’t touch” neuroses. 😂
Add Chrissy to the list of those who don’t like massages.
I think many people don’t like massages. I’m also one of them. I had one given as a gift and it was relaxing, but no desire for more. Pedicures, a couple times every summer (fairly short here in PA).
I agree — though I thought I was the only one who felt that way.