Love, Money, and a 44-Year Compromise

Suzie and I have been together for 44 years and married for 36 of them. It goes without saying that a relationship of that length is achieved by many means, but I think a fundamental characteristic is the ability to compromise and be mindful of each other’s wishes.

A strong partnership where both people work can also supercharge wealth generation through the decades, especially if you both think in lockstep on humble lifestyle choices and the importance of saving for the future.

But it has to be said that everyone has different risk tolerance, even within a close relationship and that can translate into the financially optimal” choice not always being the right choice when you’re part of a partnership.

I think it’s refreshing to openly discuss how relationship dynamics factor into major financial decisions, rather than pretending it’s all just about the numbers. So much financial advice is presented in a cold, analytical way that ignores the emotional and interpersonal factors that are often the most difficult to navigate.

I can think of many examples of disagreement about financial risk issues between Suzie and myself. One recent road bump was Suzie wishing to pay off a low rate mortgage and my wish to keep the debt and earn higher returns in the market. The compromise was easy…Suzie’s need for security was much stronger than my desire for possible higher returns.

Suzie has more of a tendency to hold cash in high-interest savings accounts, whereas I prefer to hold less cash and more in stocks. The simple solution was to run two separate portfolios. Maybe it’s just joint mental accounting, but it satisfies both our needs without jeopardizing our lifestyle, and it strengthens our emotional relationship.

This optimization for emotional and relationship return over financial return can be difficult at times and requires emotional maturity and a clear understanding of your financial situation. It’s maybe a strange paradox but a suboptimal financial choice is sometimes an overall correct choice within a strong relationship and should be considered within any overall financial plan.

For couples navigating these waters, I’d suggest starting with honest conversations about your individual relationships with money and risk. What keeps you up at night? What gives you peace of mind? Then look for creative solutions that honor both perspectives rather than forcing one person to simply give in.

After 44 years together, I’ve learned that the most important financial asset isn’t in any portfolio—it’s the partnership itself. A relationship strong enough to weather market crashes, job losses, and life’s inevitable curveballs is worth more than any optimization strategy. Sometimes the best financial plan isn’t the one that maximizes returns—it’s the one both partners can live with comfortably for decades.

When financial advisors talk about diversification, maybe they should include relationship harmony as an asset class worth protecting.