I never expected this…..

My grandparents were all gone while I was still in college. Looking back, I don’t think I ever bonded with them. None of them was born here. They never shared their stories, dreams, or advice with me. Was that my fault or theirs?

Fortunately, that distance I experienced is not being repeated with my grandchildren. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

When we married, I explained to everyone that the word “step” did not exist in our blended family. However, I soon learned there was no such thing as the Brady bunch.

Getting married when both our daughters were 15 was a natural disaster, one could expect. While we had enough bedrooms for each, sharing a bathroom was unacceptable. Every other weekend was tense. The boys were fine; however, my little one was left to bond with the dog. Five kids, five different personalities, all wanting the same thing — their birth parents.

We got through those years and many more. Flash forward 40 years for the real story. Those five kids gave us nine grandchildren; the word step almost disappeared. Our nine are not only close to one another but also very close to us.

Firstly, they all adore their Bubba. I am, surely, a beneficiary of that bond as well. As a blended family, I was careful not to encroach on my wife’s ex-husband’s territory and invited him and my ex-wife, along with her spouse, to every family get-together at our weekend house. Thanksgivings, too, were very well attended.

Sadly, our exes both died after being ill. While the kids and grandkids were sad and missed them, they now seemed free to engage with us on a deeper level. We became mom, dad, grandmother, and grandfather to all. The concept of a real family finally took hold.

While it varies somewhat depending on what’s happening in their lives, we spend significant time with each grandchild.  We have a lot of one-on-one time to discuss their hopes and dreams.  They seek advice and listen as we give it.

My bonds are strongest with those who finished college or are now in their last two years and want life and career advice. Weekly lunches/breakfasts in a restaurant for those living and working nearby are highlights of our week.

I wanted to make sure they got what I never got. The secret is that I enjoy being with them more.

I made the guest list for my surprise (not) 80th birthday party. I cut it down from 120 to 89, with 65+ attending. Lots of people were away in the middle of the summer. Several grandchildren put much effort into what they wanted to say.  Their speeches were profoundly touching and very much appreciated. I also enjoyed spending time with family, old friends, and new ones.

Here’s the jackpot. Five years ago, my wife’s daughter gave me the best present anyone could ever receive. She expressed regret for taking 35 years to accept me. It took a traumatic event for her to realize how much I loved her mother. It was a silver lining in a very dark cloud.

This was not a story about money or retirement. Instead, it is about the importance of relationships and making them better. So many families grow apart. Our focus is keeping everyone close for as long as we can.