As I’m on the other side of 50, with my wife and I closing in on retirement, I have the perspective that a robust before and after tax portfolio brings. I have Jonathan and everyone here to partly thank for that. it wasn’t easy. Like some others, I grew up in a hardscrabble existence. We had no money for anything. What has stayed with me is the stress of a job loss that would spell doom in the form of being evicted and starting at yet another new school. After college, I had a Masters degree, but $36K in student loans and no financial savvy at that point. The good news was I was a tech guy entering the job market at the beginning of the 90s tech boom. I also had a subscription to the WSJ and the ‘Getting Going’ column filled with Jonathan’s practical writing. The loans would soon be retired. Budgeting , saving and investing came through trial and error, but we got there. The things that have stayed with me were the financial stress from my early teen years - experiencing not having any money and not knowing where the next job is coming for your family is incredibly stressful. The other guiding principal that stayed with me is around personal expenditure - I don’t mind spending money that has been budgeted to be spent, but I want something for my money - don’t waste it, get what you paid for. The rest of my principals came from Jonathan - understanding the value of index funds, the ‘tipping point’ that happens from regular investing and understanding that an ‘average working person’ can become wealthy/comfortable via regular budgeting, saving and investing. In other words, quit hoping to win the lottery - there’s no magic to it. Believe it or not, sometimes people need to actually be told this. Thank you for the impact you’ve had on my life and my kids’ lives Jonathan!
Tough subject. Everything you described has happened in marriages without autism. I’m a little leery of applying labels - we seem to do that very quickly in this day and age, followed by a prescription drug. While I’m sympathetic, I don’t know there’s a lot we can do about it. Ideally, We should always be kind and supportive when dealing with strangers and the people we come across. When it comes to choosing a partner to settle down with, I would advise getting to know them a little better and not rush into anything so you have a better idea of what you’re committing to.
Richard, Similar situation at my house as well. Except, I had parents prone to feeling sorry for themselves, finding solace in alcohol and ultimately neglecting their kids. It took me a while realize their low self esteem and neglectfulness were a result of how they were raised. When my son was born in my early thirties it brought on a wave of emotions that I had compartmentalized until that point. With help, I realized that If this was going to stop, I would have to stop it with my own family, otherwise it would just continue.
Yep, totally agree. Starting with the ‘Getting Going’ column in the WSJ to today, Jonathan always has a way of discussing personal finance in a way that was engaging, real and can be applied immediately. I never felt like I was being pitched something nor was he talking over my head. A couple of themes he highlighted that really stuck with me were -
Investing - how do you think an average person,I.e., me, becomes wealthy?
Thinking about your goals - when you’ve won the game, stop playing
Richard, great post. A running theme that we’ve seen on Humble Dollar is a lack of personal finance education and retirement education in the USA. This has come up repeatedly in different ways through many articles. I think we can agree this is a real issue. Given that, and given your experience and back ground with retirement planning, why wouldn’t you at least outline some different approaches for your children - the various pitfalls they should avoid and then let them choose one for themselves? As a father, I kind of feel duty bound to at least say to my 20 year old that ‘this is what’s coming your way’ regarding retirement and you need to start this now. If he doesn’t take my advice, that’s fine, but at least he’s been told.
One tip you can do for your kids when they’re young, is freeze their credit. Identity theft being what it is these days, young people with SSNs are vulnerable to identity theft. This avoids a nasty surprise when they begin applying for credit in the future.
Jonathan, a backyard bonfire of old docs is a good opportunity to get everyone together and enjoy some company. Your observations from when you were 19 are funny. I don’t regret opportunities I didn’t pursue or investments that went sideways, but I definitely went through a period of regret for those times I wasn’t kind or was a know it all. Forgive yourself. As we are all a work in progress, I suspect we all go through that to some degree. In some respects, it can be a good thing to share with our kids we haven’t been perfect.
I think there’s two forces at play here in US culture that we touch on here at Humble Dollar, but don’t really get their due. One is that the US is a sales driven culture rife with hucksterism. Sell, sell, sell and buy, buy,buy. You see it with our restaurants (it’s why plates of food are so large here compared to the rest of the world) and You see it in housing. The average person isn’t buying more than one house, so how do you get more money out of them? Easy - Sell a bigger house. Same with dinner entrees. Never mind the health issues from eating too much or the financial jam from too much house. Which brings me to the second force - lack of personal financial education. I speak from personal experience on this and I assume it’s the reason many of us are here. i think these twin forces are really the common thread over the decades regardless of any sociodemographic changes.
Well said, Ed. When my son began Plebe summer at the US Naval Academy last year, we were so caught up in the transition and supporting him With letters from home,etc that we never had a chance to acknowledge that things would never be the same again. It took a few months before it hit me like a brick. Very sad, but it gets better.
Comments
As I’m on the other side of 50, with my wife and I closing in on retirement, I have the perspective that a robust before and after tax portfolio brings. I have Jonathan and everyone here to partly thank for that. it wasn’t easy. Like some others, I grew up in a hardscrabble existence. We had no money for anything. What has stayed with me is the stress of a job loss that would spell doom in the form of being evicted and starting at yet another new school. After college, I had a Masters degree, but $36K in student loans and no financial savvy at that point. The good news was I was a tech guy entering the job market at the beginning of the 90s tech boom. I also had a subscription to the WSJ and the ‘Getting Going’ column filled with Jonathan’s practical writing. The loans would soon be retired. Budgeting , saving and investing came through trial and error, but we got there. The things that have stayed with me were the financial stress from my early teen years - experiencing not having any money and not knowing where the next job is coming for your family is incredibly stressful. The other guiding principal that stayed with me is around personal expenditure - I don’t mind spending money that has been budgeted to be spent, but I want something for my money - don’t waste it, get what you paid for. The rest of my principals came from Jonathan - understanding the value of index funds, the ‘tipping point’ that happens from regular investing and understanding that an ‘average working person’ can become wealthy/comfortable via regular budgeting, saving and investing. In other words, quit hoping to win the lottery - there’s no magic to it. Believe it or not, sometimes people need to actually be told this. Thank you for the impact you’ve had on my life and my kids’ lives Jonathan!
Post: Mind Over Money
Link to comment from February 2, 2025
Tough subject. Everything you described has happened in marriages without autism. I’m a little leery of applying labels - we seem to do that very quickly in this day and age, followed by a prescription drug. While I’m sympathetic, I don’t know there’s a lot we can do about it. Ideally, We should always be kind and supportive when dealing with strangers and the people we come across. When it comes to choosing a partner to settle down with, I would advise getting to know them a little better and not rush into anything so you have a better idea of what you’re committing to.
Post: Adult Autism
Link to comment from October 30, 2024
Richard, Similar situation at my house as well. Except, I had parents prone to feeling sorry for themselves, finding solace in alcohol and ultimately neglecting their kids. It took me a while realize their low self esteem and neglectfulness were a result of how they were raised. When my son was born in my early thirties it brought on a wave of emotions that I had compartmentalized until that point. With help, I realized that If this was going to stop, I would have to stop it with my own family, otherwise it would just continue.
Post: Coming Home by Steve Abramowitz
Link to comment from October 23, 2024
Yep, totally agree. Starting with the ‘Getting Going’ column in the WSJ to today, Jonathan always has a way of discussing personal finance in a way that was engaging, real and can be applied immediately. I never felt like I was being pitched something nor was he talking over my head. A couple of themes he highlighted that really stuck with me were -
Post: Something About Harry
Link to comment from October 18, 2024
Richard, great post. A running theme that we’ve seen on Humble Dollar is a lack of personal finance education and retirement education in the USA. This has come up repeatedly in different ways through many articles. I think we can agree this is a real issue. Given that, and given your experience and back ground with retirement planning, why wouldn’t you at least outline some different approaches for your children - the various pitfalls they should avoid and then let them choose one for themselves? As a father, I kind of feel duty bound to at least say to my 20 year old that ‘this is what’s coming your way’ regarding retirement and you need to start this now. If he doesn’t take my advice, that’s fine, but at least he’s been told.
Post: I have been challenged by Jonathan. Will he like my response? By RDQ
Link to comment from October 17, 2024
One tip you can do for your kids when they’re young, is freeze their credit. Identity theft being what it is these days, young people with SSNs are vulnerable to identity theft. This avoids a nasty surprise when they begin applying for credit in the future.
Post: Talking to your kids about money
Link to comment from October 14, 2024
Jonathan, a backyard bonfire of old docs is a good opportunity to get everyone together and enjoy some company. Your observations from when you were 19 are funny. I don’t regret opportunities I didn’t pursue or investments that went sideways, but I definitely went through a period of regret for those times I wasn’t kind or was a know it all. Forgive yourself. As we are all a work in progress, I suspect we all go through that to some degree. In some respects, it can be a good thing to share with our kids we haven’t been perfect.
Post: Turned Upside Down
Link to comment from October 5, 2024
Everyone has their treasures, hobbies,etc. we really shouldn’t be tut-tutting others for what they spend their money on if they budgeted properly.
Post: Truth is Often Stranger Than Fiction
Link to comment from October 2, 2024
I think there’s two forces at play here in US culture that we touch on here at Humble Dollar, but don’t really get their due. One is that the US is a sales driven culture rife with hucksterism. Sell, sell, sell and buy, buy,buy. You see it with our restaurants (it’s why plates of food are so large here compared to the rest of the world) and You see it in housing. The average person isn’t buying more than one house, so how do you get more money out of them? Easy - Sell a bigger house. Same with dinner entrees. Never mind the health issues from eating too much or the financial jam from too much house. Which brings me to the second force - lack of personal financial education. I speak from personal experience on this and I assume it’s the reason many of us are here. i think these twin forces are really the common thread over the decades regardless of any sociodemographic changes.
Post: How did it all work for us? Why not now?
Link to comment from September 27, 2024
Well said, Ed. When my son began Plebe summer at the US Naval Academy last year, we were so caught up in the transition and supporting him With letters from home,etc that we never had a chance to acknowledge that things would never be the same again. It took a few months before it hit me like a brick. Very sad, but it gets better.
Post: Savoring the Moments
Link to comment from September 25, 2024