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I’m an author, educator, researcher, and mentor whose work focuses on widowhood, later-life planning, legacy, and purposeful aging. I bring more than three decades of experience in financial services—including 18 years leading my own advisory firm—as well as the lived experience of becoming a widow. Those experiences led me to write the award-winning Moving Forward on Your Own: A Financial Guidebook for Widows. More than 85,000 copies have helped widows—and the professionals who serve them—navigate the financial and emotional challenges of life after loss. My newest resource, the complimentary eBooklet Planning Ahead: Staying in Control of Later-Life Housing, Care, and Support Decisions, helps individuals, couples, widowed persons, solo agers, families, and advisors begin important conversations before a crisis forces decisions upon them. My writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Kiplinger, CNBC, HumbleDollar, Rethinking65, Sixty and Me, and AgeBuzz. I also teach philanthropy and legacy planning at The American College of Financial Services. Now in my “ReFirement” years, I write and speak about using our time, money, and life experiences with greater intention. You’ll find my articles, books, and Planning Ahead resources at https://www.kathleenrehl.com/.
Comments
What a difficult and unsettling situation for all of you. You’ve described one of the hardest parts of planning ahead: family members can clearly see that living alone is becoming unsafe, yet the older adult is still entitled to make his own choices—even choices that others find baffling, like adopting a puppy while recovering from surgery. Your words, “we’re living some of it in real time” really struck me. This is precisely the narrow window when candid conversations and acceptable choices may still be possible, before a medical crisis forces the decision. I hope his upcoming surgery goes well and that your family can help him accept some form of support, whether in his home or closer to one of you, while he can still have a meaningful voice in what happens next. Thank you for sharing such a vivid, honest example of why these conversations matter.
Post: Before Someone Else Decides
Link to comment from August 10, 2026
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Post: Before Someone Else Decides
Link to comment from August 10, 2026
Martin, you raise an important point. The financial implications of a later-life move can vary greatly by state and by family circumstances—and estate and inheritance taxes may outweigh the more immediate tax differences. Your comment is a good reminder that “Where should I live next?” is both a lifestyle decision and an estate-planning decision. I hope your next move gives you the setting you want and helps you preserve more of what you have built for your children.
Post: Before Someone Else Decides
Link to comment from August 9, 2026
Nick, thank you—your comment means a great deal to me. I’m so glad you plan to use the booklet. Helping people begin these conversations before a crisis is exactly why I created it. And I agree: thoughtful exchanges and useful ideas like those shared here are what make HumbleDollar so valuable.
Post: Before Someone Else Decides
Link to comment from August 9, 2026
Anthony, I’m sorry your health changed so quickly. A sudden change like this is exactly what makes these decisions so difficult. Although a CCRC may no longer be practical because of the waiting lists, you may still have other workable options. Depending on the support you now need, possibilities could include a rental senior community offering multiple levels of care, a standalone assisted living community, or paid support in your current home—perhaps as a bridge while you explore longer-term arrangements. I would begin with an assessment of your current needs and some knowledgeable local help. New Jersey’s county Area Agency on Aging can connect older adults and families with case management, in-home support, and other local services. An Aging Life Care Professional may also help you and your wife evaluate appropriate options and identify communities with current availability. I hope other New Jersey readers will share their experiences and specific suggestions. Wishing you and your wife clarity and good support as you consider your next steps.
Post: Before Someone Else Decides
Link to comment from August 8, 2026
Thank you for sharing your experience. You beautifully illustrate why planning early matters. Moving while you can fully enjoy independent living, build friendships, and become part of the community can make the transition a positive choice rather than a response to a crisis. And those long wait lists are an important reminder that exploring options—and even joining a list—often needs to begin well before a move feels necessary. I’m delighted that your decision has brought you greater activity, connection, and peace of mind.
Post: Before Someone Else Decides
Link to comment from August 8, 2026
Yes—before you truly need to move is often the best time to make the decision. Your parents’ experiences show how quickly circumstances can change, even after a long period of doing well. Because they were already settled in places that could support them, a sudden health decline did not become an emergency move for them or a crisis for the family. Thank you for sharing such a meaningful example.
Post: Before Someone Else Decides
Link to comment from August 8, 2026
Thank you for sharing your experience. A possible 7-to-12-year wait certainly underscores why it can be wise to explore options early. As you said, joining a wait list is not a final commitment—it preserves a choice. The OLLI course sounds excellent, especially because it presented both aging in place and CCRC options. Your family experiences also bring home the real purpose of planning ahead: not to predict exactly what will happen, but to reduce the chance that narrowing choices, loneliness, or a crisis will force difficult decisions later. You and your wife are approaching these issues very thoughtfully.
Post: Before Someone Else Decides
Link to comment from August 8, 2026
I appreciate your comments.
Post: Before Someone Else Decides
Link to comment from August 8, 2026
Thank you! I’m glad you found both helpful. I hope that the e-Booklet makes this daunting decision feel a little more manageable—one conversation and one step at a time.
Post: Before Someone Else Decides
Link to comment from August 6, 2026