gnussen623

Comments

• I think it is a mix of nature and nurture. Birth order seems to have an impact as well. No set formula or answers since every child is different but having them take accountability for their decisions seems to have long term benefits.

  Post: Is there any point when a child needs financial help that you feel comfortable saying “not my problem?” 

  Link to comment from March 14, 2026

• My wife and I both attended a State University, paid for by our parents. Graduating without college debt allowed us to start our own lives together without debt and for that we were grateful. Like David, we put 4 times “x” away for our 2 children’s college fund. They were aware of the amount saved when they made their college choices. Our son chose a top private engineering school that would easily have exhausted his fund. My daughter chose a state school that would leave her money leftover in the event she wanted to go to graduate school. After two years my son left the private school and transferred to a different state school where he met his wife. By underspending their budgets and the good fortune of a very favorable stock market, both had money left over. My son used his for a wedding and my daughter completed her doctorate. Personally, I am a big believer in treating adult children as adults. Making them part of the decision and hoping they make the right ones. Either way, the sooner they learn that they need to live with the decisions they make, the more prepared they are to live independently.

  Post: Is there any point when a child needs financial help that you feel comfortable saying “not my problem?” 

  Link to comment from March 14, 2026

• You have a good memory! You are 100% correct that I was not seeing the positive aspects of my son and DIL wanting to do things on their own. After reading the comments from my last post, I re-oriented my thinking and it really helped me view their desire to be independent as a positive thing and one that we really can be proud of. With that said, I hope that they do not let this get in the way of seeking guidance and support from others, including me and my wife. We offered guidance on things to look for on inspection, negotiating the purchase price, navigating the right mortgage terms and of course to help with the downpayment. Time will tell whether they follow our guidance and accept financial support, but the conversation went about as well as we could have expected and for that I am truly grateful.

  Post: Helping Adult Children, pt. 2

  Link to comment from March 1, 2026

• Thanks Dan!

  Post: Helping Adult Children, pt. 2

  Link to comment from March 1, 2026

• I am hopeful for a similar positive outcome. Somehow the financial support from a beloved grandparent was something they felt humbled and gracious to receive despite that it is basically coming from the same pool of resources. Nonetheless, we are happy that the conversation was well received.

  Post: Helping Adult Children, pt. 2

  Link to comment from March 1, 2026

• Thank you Mark. I agree, absolutely no downside to having this discussion and offering our support.

  Post: Helping Adult Children, pt. 2

  Link to comment from March 1, 2026

• 100% in agreement!

  Post: Helping Adult Children, pt. 2

  Link to comment from March 1, 2026

• Thank you for the kind words. I am truly appreciative for the input and guidance of the HD community!

  Post: Helping Adult Children, pt. 2

  Link to comment from March 1, 2026

• Or worse yet, fund managers will quietly tuck these illiquid, fee rich products into their popular target date and balanced funds without most retail shareholders ever noticing.

  Post: Endowment Lessons

  Link to comment from February 21, 2026

• Good luck to you and your son with your real estate venture!

  Post: Helping Adult Children

  Link to comment from February 8, 2026