John Doe

Comments

• I agree with the post from the author that there are two different questions being kicked around in this thread.

  1. How much money can a person withdraw from retirement accounts annually in order to have a fighting chance of making their assets last for 30 years? The 4% rule is a rough approximation to answer that question.
  2. How much money will be needed annually during the span of one's retirement, which could last 30 years? The answer to this question does indeed depend on whether the income needs are for one person, two people (and with or without the 39 cats), or possibly even more, as some grandparents occasionally end up raising grandchildren.
  The 4% rule does not address question #2, because the purpose of the rule is not to satisfy actual living requirements. It's there as a first guess as to how to stretch assets to provide 30 years of "spending money" -- i.e., don't draw down your assets too quickly, or you may run out of money before you reach the end of that hypothetical 30 years of retirement. If you estimate that you will need more than the amount of money that an annual (inflation-adjusted) 4% withdrawal rate can provide, then (as Jonathan points out) you need to make some adjustments to fill the gap between what you can expect using the 4% rule and what you project you will need. Maybe the 39 cats will have to go, and maybe you also need to (1) delay the start of retirement so you don't need 30 years of withdrawals + have more years to accumulate assets + increase your monthly Social Security check, (2) reduce your "requirements" for income by cutting expenses and lifestyle expectations, (3) increase income by part-time work during retirement ("Would you like fries with that?"). None of these adjustments has anything to do with the 4% rule. The final question posed by the author is indeed a valid question, "What factor do you need to multiply by one person's expenses to come up with the amount needed for two people?" That can be approximated by making some simplifying assumptions. I.e., there are shared costs (assume only housing) and there are individual costs (everything else). If we guess that housing costs are x% of expenses for one person, then for two people (all other things being equal) the total expenses can be estimated by the formula [Total Expenses] = (2-x)*[Expenses for one] If housing costs are 30% of expenses for one person, then the factor would be: 2-0.3 = 1.7 It's not a particularly precise estimate, but it gives an order of magnitude guess. Your mileage may vary....

  Post: How does the 4% Rule Change Assuming A Couple in Retirement?

  Link to comment from February 27, 2025

• "Our civilization has made tremendous advances because people weren’t satisfied with the way things were." This sentence reminds me of a 3-line observation I heard many years ago --

  1. The reasonable man adapts himself to his circumstances.
  2. The unreasonable man demands that his circumstances adapt to himself.
  3. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

  Post: Filling Our Cups

  Link to comment from December 26, 2024

• After more than 35 years of marriage my wife was informed by an experienced counselor (who has his own positive diagnosis) that she may be autistic. This year (#38 of our marriage) she finally got the official diagnosis - positive for the mildest form. (It used to be called Asperger's Syndrome, but now it's just ASD - Autism Spectrum Disorder.) Now I can finally understand a whole lot more of what's been going on in our relationship from the very start of the marriage. We've read books, gone to a bunch of counselors / psychologists (none of whom were able to pick up on her autism), joined a Twelve-Step program, and even spent a month in a residential counseling program. We were able to benefit from most of the input, but it never really gave us the peace and serenity we were seeking. I have my own issues from my dysfunctional family of origin and she from hers, so our interactions have exacerbated my childhood wounds. Now I can see that many of those hurtful patterns are not nearly so intentional as I always believed - they merely fit the MO (modus operandi) of Level 1 ASD. For example, whenever I would tell her that some behavior, or choice she had made was hurtful or if I asked for a different behavior, I would get an explanation of WHY she had done what she did. My interpretation of the exchange was that what mattered to me was immaterial and that my feelings or complaints were totally invalid. (Invalidation is one of my core wounds/fears.) Now I've come to understand that she's not engaging in purposeful invalidation of my feelings or requests; she's just unable to see things from a different (my) perspective. The autism also helps explain our intimacy struggles - she basically has no "feedback loop" and can't tell what works or doesn't work. There's no positive reinforcement for any behaviors in the bedroom. Everything is black and white; all behaviors / responses have to be memorized and there are no shades of meaning or nuance. Deep communication is difficult, because she tends to automatically assume what is driving my actions / behaviors, based on her point of view alone with no intuitive perception of what I may be thinking or feeling. Expressions of what I'm thinking or feeling (especially what I find upsetting) are often met with bewilderment. It just doesn't compute. (The autism diagnosis also explains many more things - these are just some examples.) So far, my only way to deal positively with her (admittedly mild) autism has been to educate myself on the characteristics of autism so that I can "press the pause button" and remind myself that things are not what my initial reaction to her is telling me. A very useful resource has been a blog at the following web site: https://kennethrobersonphd.com - Dr. Roberson is a psychologist who specializes in autism. In the past I would also purposely alter my route home from work to delay my arrival at the house. Sometimes when I was feeling particularly wounded / hopeless / depressed I would also leave the house to wander the neighborhood. When I was especially triggered, I would slam the door and drive off in a rage (endangering myself and countless others) to get away from the situation, thereby triggering her abandonment issues and her childhood struggles dealing with her angry father. Thankfully, having a better understanding of the dynamics of our relationship as it has been impacted by her autism has made these responses more rare, although I can still blow up now and again when I lose perspective. We're on the waiting list for a local counseling practice where she got her official diagnosis, but that's been since June or July with no further communication. Hopefully, my few thoughts will help someone. -John (a.k.a. "Abu LaHya" - "the guy with a beard")

  Post: Adult Autism

  Link to comment from October 30, 2024