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I consider myself fortunate when it comes to Christmas—not just because the anxiety of buying gifts for my wife Suzie is long behind us, but because this year, despite thinking we wouldn’t, we’ll all be together.
My daughter who lives in London had to work the morning after Christmas day, which meant she couldn’t make it home for the holiday. We were disappointed—it would have been the first Christmas ever that one of our children wasn’t with us on that special day. Happily, she called last night with the news her shift pattern has changed. The gift I wanted most has already arrived: we’re all going to be together now.
That phone call got me thinking about what Christmas really means to us. Years ago, Suzie and I reached a mutual understanding: we’re simply not very good at choosing presents for each other. Combined with the reality that we don’t need more possessions cluttering our lives, the decision to stop was easy.
Some years, in the weeks before Christmas, we’ll visit the gallery of a local artist whose work we both admire and buy a piece for our home. It’s a gift to ourselves, from ourselves. There’s something special about the experience—we usually make a day of it, stopping for lunch and spending time together afterward. These moments feel far more genuine and meaningful than unwrapping another box on Christmas morning.
Of course, we make deliberate concessions to the season. We enjoy selecting a few gifts for the young child in our lives, and for visiting friends and family, we set out a special “pick your own gift” basket. This features high-quality, consumable artisan treats like specialty teas, coffees, chocolates, spices, and conserves—meaning everyone gets a personal gift they’ll truly enjoy, without adding clutter.
Everyone approaches the holidays differently, but I’m deeply grateful we’ve freed ourselves from the commercialized pressure of seasonal gift-giving. For me, Christmas is about the atmosphere on Christmas Eve: working side by side in the kitchen, preparing the next day’s family meal. Getting my hand slapped away when I try to sneak a piece of that perfectly roasted turkey straight from the oven. That’s my real gift—the heart of the season I don’t want to lose.
What I truly value is spending a few hours with family and friends. A simple break from the relentless pace of everyday life. A small pocket of time when we’re not being sold something. A chance to remember loved ones who are no longer with us and cherish those who are still here.
That’s all I want for Christmas.
Thankfully this year my wife decided we will no longer be exchanging gifts. Since we are not possession people and we are at a point in our lives where we can buy whatever we want when ever we want, it makes no sense to rack our brains to come up with gift ideas to ask for.
I can never come up with anything I want or need. If it’s inexpensive I’ll buy it myself, if it’s expensive I won’t ask someone to buy it for me.
When it comes to our children and their significant others’ gifts we decided to stop buying small things that no one really wants. My daughter discovered a great app(?) called Elfster. She puts in the names and the sets it up so it does not assign significant others to each other. We set a maximum to be spent and then we put in gift ideas. This way we only buy for one person. This would work for “normal” people, but for people like me it doesn’t help much because most of the time I can’t think of something for myself. More times than not I just ask for a donation to our town’s food pantry.
That app sounds like a high-tech secret Santa. I’m in the same boat with gifts, I don’t need anything.
The perfect Christmas.
Mark, many people probably share your feelings about gift giving and just want to be with family. What I didn’t see in your message is: do you decorate your home for the Christmas holiday? Does the area where you live decorate? The decorations bring out the holiday spirit for many, even though they don’t share gifts. I attended a Christmas parade last weekend and it was exciting to see everyone enjoying themselves; especially the children.
Olin, three weekends ago we took the grandkids to our town’s civic Christmas light switch-on—always a highlight for them. The following weekend, I pulled off my yearly ritual of hauling the Christmas decorations down from the attic. Our collection has grown over the years—we now have three artificial trees. The granddaddy of them all is the one we bought in 1988, the year we got married. Thirty-seven years later, it still holds pride of place in our home.
Last Friday night, we wandered through a Christmas market and had the loveliest evening. We’ve also been to my grandkids’ school Nativity play—twice! And this coming Sunday, I’ll be there watching my grandson sing in his church Christmas choral service. We’re fully immersed in the magic of the season, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Glad to know there is presence and holiday spirit at the Crothers estate. Wish we had a way to share/post photos on HD.
Outdoor decorations this time of year are really a public good. During the Covid lockdown year, I remember looking out a window and seeing my neighbor’s house covered in lights. It really made me feel good. I’ve also had neighbors express appreciation for the tree in front of our house that is lit with 1500 lights.
But no plastic trees inside. We get real!
We got a real tree two years ago. I’m just an irrational, big softy; I spent the whole season feeling guilty about having the farmer chop it down for us. Can you believe it? A grown adult having a few weeks of existential guilt about being a tree murderer! 😂
Christmas, is the most wonderful time of the year. Just a candle in the window can mean something. No one wants to be viewed as Scrooge.
I dropped out of the gift-buying routine fifteen or so years ago. It was fun in my early adult years, but at a certain point it became a chore and too much a capitulation to the mindless consumerism that passes for modern living in many quarters. Putting on a dinner for a group of friends and socializing for a good number of hours (as this year) results in a much more enjoyable Christmas experience. The reward that comes from giving is still satisfied by making monetary gifts to those organizations we support, mostly in our immediate community, rewarding those who make it their mission to help those less fortunate, including our animal friends (e.g. the Turtle Hospital in Marathon, FL), and enriching the local natural, cultural, and artistic environment in support of the common good of all.
Totally agree!!