AS AN EPISCOPAL priest, I’ve lived for more than 40 years with two calendars for every December.
The first calendar is widely recognized. It begins on Thanksgiving Day, with the arrival of Santa Claus in the Macy’s parade, and runs through Christmas Day, with all the celebration that’s entailed.
These few weeks are a huge feature of modern life in America. Businesses depend on a good season. Extra work and part-time jobs are available.
A vast amount of charitable giving is invited and people are hugely generous, which is good because grief, loss, poverty, illness and homelessness don’t observe the holiday. Conflict and disaster take no time off, either. Americans are often said to be the most generous of people. This world needs all we can give and more.
Meanwhile, the arts and cultural resources dedicated to seasonal themes and much beloved stories are a well-spring of joy and encouragement as the daylight hours shorten and winter sets in (at least in the northern hemisphere).
Although we don’t often think about it, not everyone regards this time of year the same way. Jewish people, and many others, have other celebrations—some religious, some not—during this time. Depending on how you count them, there are at least two dozen other observances, even as much of society counts down to Christmas. It really is true that the most polite and generous salutation at this time of year is, “Happy Holidays.”
I live in the midst of all of this, as we all do, and there’s much for me to enjoy and participate in. Who doesn’t love Messiah sing-a-longs and holiday cookies? Who isn’t pleased to be more generous than usual, and delighted to see others be so as well? With grandchildren to think about, I join the online crowd and the throngs in shops, and look for presents and stocking stuffers, just as I did for my children long ago.
All of the Christmas preparation ends with the great celebration on Christmas Day, with lots of food, football and piles of discarded wrapping paper. The morning after brings the “after holiday” sales, gift exchanges and returns, and post-holiday clean up. The Hallmark Channel stops its 24/7 Christmas and Hanukah movie marathon, and the local Christmas music station goes back to regular programming.
But I and others have a second calendar at this time of year. It’s for the season of Advent, which usually begins in the last few days of November and runs until Dec. 24.
For those who keep this season, our Christmas Day preparations are deliberately left at the door of our places of worship and our homes, and there we take a break from the seasonal hubbub. Advent provides an oasis of peace, quiet and reflection on the themes of the season: hope, joy, peace, love. The four weeks end on the night of Dec. 24 with what we call the Feast of the Nativity. While Dec. 25 is a celebration indeed, for me Christmas Day is just the beginning of the happy times, because the season is 12 days long.
There are some advantages to keeping two calendars at once. As people get busier and more stressed, I’m much less so. Many people have a hard time emotionally, psychologically and spiritually at this time of year. I’m available to listen and sympathize, and offer help because I don’t have to have all card and gifts gotten, wrapped, sent and so on in time for the big day, because Christmas is 12 days long. I don’t have that huge pressure of a Dec. 25 morning deadline, because Christmas is 12 days long. People don’t have to get and give things to me by that time, either, because Christmas is 12 days long. So, Dec. 25 is a celebration indeed. But for me, Christmas Day is just the beginning of the happy times. The season is 12 days long.
For the world outside my door, Christmas Day is the culmination of long labor brought to fruition. It’s the happy pinnacle of the holidays, and its rather sudden endpoint. But for me and others, we’re just getting started.
Tom Scott is a retired Episcopal priest. He and his wife live in Evanston, Illinois. They love retirement because they get to see more of their children and grandchildren, and they can spend more time at concerts, the opera and the Chicago Botanic Garden. Check out Tom’s earlier articles.
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I grew up Episcopalian, so my whole family is tuned into the “12 days of Christmas” idea. This year because of family travel schedules, we are celebrating and exchanging gifts on Saturday, Jan. 6. We’ve handled the holidays this way several other times, and we always enjoy it. It gives us more time to get the shopping and wrapping done, allows us to take advantage of post-Christmas sales(!), and we feel fine about serving whatever meal sounds good to us because we don’t have “holiday traditions” hanging over us. We all enjoy it.
As for “happy holidays,” the word “holiday” literally means “holy day,” which would include Christmas. I have never understand why people feel the need to be so aggressive with the “Merry Christmas” thing. I only say “Merry Christmas” at church, with family, or to other friends whom I know celebrate Christmas. I would feel I was being rude if I said it to people whose traditions I don’t know.
Friends, Thank you for the holiday good wishes. May I return them to you. I know from experience that these are hard days. As to the suffering and sadness so many have in any given year, there are no satisfactory explanations for anyone at any age. The hardships and sacrifices families make at any time—but especially in this season—are both heart rending and inspiring. The patient and persistent care of the medical professionals is so often wonderful. I encourage people to take their lead from the patient they are with: be silent when quiet is right, patient when things are slow or hard. Remember that the patient gets to make very few choices, has very little control over who does what, or when it happens; so, give space, ask permission, don’t be directive or over-sharing. Keep angry and fear-filled tears out in the hall—unless the patient needs to see them. Most of all, smile in a true fashion, express gladness to have time together, say you love one another. We only have now. Your caring presence remains in their hearts in the long, dark reaches of the night or during the rigors of treatment. My heart hurts for you all, my friends. Blessings and healing.
Merry Christmas Tom.
Tom, enjoy your Christmas rest. Holidays at the hospital are not a happy time. Scared and lonely patients have one more reason to be sad, and staff that keeps the hospital open are missing their family celebrations. My wife and I are home this year. But when it’s our turn, we try to remember the time,18 years ago, when our new-born daughter was in the neonatal ICU a few days after Christmas, and we were on the other side of the relationship. We’re thankful to be healthy this year, and wish for all the gift of health in mind, body and spirit.
My cousins seven year old grandson has been fighting leukemia for over a year. Multiple rounds of chemo. They thought they had it beaten, but now it’s back. His twin sister just donated bone narrow in the next effort but Michael is in the hospital again for another 45 days. I just don’t know how parents cope or how you explain it all to seven years olds. It’s just not fair.
I’ll pray for that child’s recovery. My wife had a niece who died of cancer at two years of age. The pain of that slow death still lingers in the family. When we think of our happiness, we usually don’t include the sorrow we’ve missed for the events that haven’t occurred, but we should.