MY FAVORITE BOOK of all time is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The title may be the only thing that author Stephen Covey has ever written that I don’t like. This book and all of Covey’s work are exploding with life, integrity and meaning. I believe he does an incredible job conceptualizing the most important questions of a well-lived life. If you can’t tell, I’m a bit of a disciple.
There’s a chapter on habit No. 2 that I find particularly significant. Habit No. 2 is “begin with the end in mind.” The chapter starts with a thought exercise.
It goes something like this: Imagine you’re attending a loved one’s funeral. Envision your outfit. Picture driving to the chapel, finding a parking spot and approaching the chapel. As you get to the door, you see flowers and hear the soft organ music. You walk in and see some of your friends, family and other acquaintances who were close to the deceased. You feel the shared sorrow of loss, but also the joy of memories shared. You head toward the casket.
As you peer over the side of the coffin, you come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral three years from today. All your friends and family have gathered to remember your life and express their remembrances of you.
Now, four people are going to speak about you: a close family member, a best friend, a work peer and a member of a community you were involved in. What do they say? How do they describe you? What kind of family member were you? What kind of friend were you? What values do they assign to your legacy? What type of person were you?
This exercise helps define what success means to each of us. Most important, what do we wish they’d say about us? I’m guessing that it isn’t “he made a lot of money” or “she was so busy all the time” or “he never lost an argument” or “she held the strongest grudges.”
I would imagine that most of us would hope for “she loved people so well” or “he had integrity” or “she was someone you could count on” or “he made the world a better place.”
By putting life into perspective this way, we truly begin with the ultimate end in mind. What values, achievements and contributions do we want to be remembered for? What is the measure of a well-lived life? It seems to me that often we get so caught up in our routine and we’re so convinced of our invincibility that we fail to ponder what we want out of our time.
As someone who makes a living by talking with people about money issues, there’s one question I come back to again and again: If we had just three years to live, what would be the focus of those years?
How many people would say “work more” or “buy more stuff”? So often, it seems we prioritize the wrong things. We make all kinds of sacrifices to make more money. But what sacrifices are we willing to make to spend more time with loved ones?
Stephen Covey offers a way to really drill down and get serious about what we want out of our life. He recommends everyone create a personal mission statement. Writing down our personal mission is a great way to define success and get a better handle on our life’s purpose and meaning.
Covey would say we should read it frequently and evaluate how well we’re fulfilling our mission. Also, by reviewing our personal mission statement before any big decision, we have a clear framework to evaluate the costs and benefits of any life choice. My recommendation: Spend time thinking about the end. Yes, it can be uncomfortable. But it also provides a powerful perspective that can guide us through the years ahead.
Luke Smith is a CFP® professional and practicing financial planner. He creates customized financial plans for each family he works with around the country. Luke pursued financial planning to combine his two favorite passions: finance and people. He spends his free time with his wife Heather and their family in Maryland. Outside of work, Luke enjoys the outdoors, golf, reading and writing. You can reach him at Luke.Smith@Wealthspire.com. Check out Luke’s earlier articles.
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I worked in a funeral home and when I was the only there I would go to the casket and stand and wonder what that person would tell me was important about life. It was easy to imagine their message would be more about nonfinancial topics.
I may have posted this before, but sit down and write your own obituary. Not only will it take a huge burden off those left behind, but it will give you a great prospective on how you want to be remembered.
My father wrote his obituary and tucked it away with a picture to use. When he passed, we couldn’t find it, so I wrote another one. Later I found his version and I was fairly close, which was a minor miracle. I have written my own obituary but mainly as a courtesy to those who otherwise would be forced to create it. And because they might miss something.
Thanks, Luke. It has been over thirty years since I last read “7 Habits”. I won’t claim to be highly effective, but his chapter on time management and his assertion that “love is a verb” have served me well.
Same here……it’s been at least 30 years since I read Covey’s books. Although all of the “7 Habits” had great merit, the one that really resonated with me was “Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood. Listen to people sincerely”. I applied that behavior to my job and still use it to this day….to better understand my bride of 45 years.
Here’s another one I learned during my wonderful 45 years of marriage….Rule #1…Your wife is always right. Rule #2 When your wife is wrong….see Rule #1.