It was my mother’s birthday, so I placed some flowers on her grave. I learned a lot about growing old from taking care of her.
When I was planning for retirement, I was mostly concerned about having enough money and how I was going to stay busy. But after spending time with my mother, I realized there was something more important—or at least just as important.
It was companionship.
I learned from my mother that no matter how many people you have in your life, the world can still be a lonely and uneasy place when you lose your spouse or partner.
Even though I spent countless hours with her, I eventually realized that no one could make her feel as safe as my father did.
There was an emotional void in my mother’s life. It was the bond with my father that was missing. Without him, her world felt unfamiliar and uneasy.
At the time, I couldn’t fully understand why she felt that way. I do now. My greatest fear in retirement isn’t running out of money or even a cancer diagnosis; it’s losing my wife.
I don’t know what I would do if I lost Rachel. Like my mother, I know I would have a difficult time adjusting to a new life without my wife.
Although I would be financially secure, it wouldn’t be the same thing as feeling secure. Rachel provides a kind of emotional security that money can’t buy.
She provides companionship, familiarity, confidence, and the feeling that I’m not facing the world alone. These things don’t show up on a financial statement. That’s because financial security is about what you have. Feeling secure is about how you experience your life.
I’m six years older than my wife. The odds are that I’ll die before her. I’ve tried to make life easier for her without me. I hired a financial advisor to help her manage our investment portfolio. He can run Monte Carlo simulations to ensure our portfolio outlasts her life, but there is no financial model or asset allocation that hedges against the emotional volatility of losing your spouse.
I also try to encourage Rachel to spend more time with her friends. She is going on a three-week trip with her sister and a friend. I’m excited for her because I think it would do her good to get away without me once in a while.
Still, it would be hard to prepare for the loss of a loved one.
You can prepare someone financially, but how do you prepare them for the loss of emotional security? It’s the small things we share in our lives—the walks around the neighborhood, watching a movie, and eating out—that are hard to replace.
We go to the same restaurant once a week. Everyone there knows us. If something happened to Rachel, it would be hard to go there again because it wouldn’t be the same without her.
But I also know that avoiding the restaurant wouldn’t help. At some point, I would have to return. The same would be true of the walks, the movies, the routines, and all the other ordinary things that make up a shared life.
When we’re traveling, I often see older women traveling together, but rarely see men. I’ve noticed that women often seem to have stronger networks of friends and family to rely on after losing a spouse.
Men can be different. Many of us rely heavily on our wives for our social and emotional lives.
I know it wouldn’t be easy because many of my close friends are gone. Three of the four high school friends I was very close to have passed away. Leo, my fishing and camping buddy, is also gone.
Money can protect you from some problems. It can buy better healthcare, a safer home, assistance with daily tasks, or the freedom to stop working. But it can’t guarantee health, companionship, or a long life with your spouse.
My mother taught me that true retirement security is built on human connection, and that the greatest asset in anyone’s life is the person sharing it with them.
Dennis, thank you for writing this! I was a medical person and lost my wife almost five years ago to dementia. I thought I would be prepared, but I found I wasn’t. I’m not sure if one can truly prepare for that loss. I have found that the memories, friends, children and staying busy all help me to get along. Looking at old pictures and reading old notes helps also. The memories are the best! I do believe that realizing what a blessing a good partner is helps us to make the most of the time we have with them. It sounds like you have nailed that!!! The best. Bob
Bob,
Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt words and experience. I’m so glad you have good friends, family, and fond memories to lean on. Wishing you the very best.
Dennis, thanks for such an open and honest piece. From the comments below, it’s clear you’ve tapped into something felt very deeply by so many of us.
Greg,
Thanks so much — really appreciate that. It definitely seems to have struck a chord with a lot of people.Good to hear from you.
Dennis, I share similar feelings. Earlier this week, Sharon and I made a stop at our daughter’s college town. We planned to see her, spend the night, then continue a few hours farther for some hiking in the mountains. After dinner with our daughter, however, we got a call that Sharon’s mother had fallen and was on her way to the hospital. So, we retraced our route back to our home town to tend to her.
During the week, while Sharon was away from home, including overnight stays with mom, I’ve pondered what my life would be like without her. I’ve run through some of the same scenarios you describe. I know I would miss her terribly, and that the adjustment to single living would be hard. I’ve also thought of friends that have had to face life as a widow or widower. I’m sure I haven’t appreciated the difficulties they’ve experienced.
Ed,
It’s so true—it takes moments like these to realize just how much we rely on each other and what our widowed friends go through. Hope Sharon’s mother is doing better.
Thanks, Dennis, her mother is recovering remarkably quickly. I’ve learned that nearly-99-year-old mothers still bounce pretty well!
My husband and I are the same age. He has more longevity in his family tree than I do—his grandfather lived to 102, and his other grandparents and parents into their 80s. I, on the other hand, had my father and both grandfathers die of heart attacks in their 60s, and my brother had emergency bypass surgery when he was just 47 (he’s 54 now). My mother and aunt are almost 85 and 87 respectively, so there’s that.
My husband has been saying for years that he expects to predecease me. I think he bases that on the fact that I take better care of myself (workouts, eating). I remind him that the genetics predict otherwise, and don’t be so sure.
My recent diagnosis of cardiovascular disease has gotten his attention. Now “bad family history” has turned into “bad test results.” I manage our household finances, and I’m way more tech-savvy than he is. So I’ve been working hard over the last couple of weeks on making sure the “last instructions” letter and supporting documents are up to date and user-friendly. I’ll sit down with him soon to go over it all.
I do worry about how lonely and sad he’d be without me. We’ve been married since we were 23 (43 years), and though we do have friends and family connections, he’s more introverted than I am. He’s semi-retiring (going to 50% time) next week, and I’m going to nudge him to spend more time with friends outside the house once he has more free time.
Odds are I’m not crossing the Rainbow Bridge anytime soon, but the truth is you never know. It helps manage my anxiety to know that things are organized for him—or for our estate if we both go down in an airplane!
Dana,
I feel the same way about my wife. I worry more about how difficult life would be for her without me than I do about myself. Still, I think she’d probably be better equipped to carry on without me than I would be without her. Kind of strange for me to say, since I spent most of my adult life single.
Over the past several years I have been gently, or maybe somewhat less than gently been pushing the idea of eventually moving into a CCRC. Neither my wife nor I have any close friends. I figure that with a ready made population of similar aged people with varying interests it is more likely to make some connections with others for support in the future when one of us inevitably leaves the planet.
I’m an introvert, but when I moved to a CCRC I made an effort to meet new people and to get involved in some of the (many!!) activities. I now have valued new friends, so I definitely endorse your plan.
Losing my wife of 47 years would be incredibly stressful.
Only losing one of my grandchildren or children could possibly be worse.
Dennis, this hit close to home. I think I’ve actually got a more robust, diverse group of friends than most guys I know, and my wife Suzie and I spend a good amount of time with our different circles. But none of that makes the nagging worry about being left on my own just vanish.
Take this Monday, for example. I played golf with a guy who’d really just been an acquaintance, since we play racket sports in the same group. I overheard him mention he liked golf but didn’t have anyone to play with, and one day I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and asked if he’d like to play a round with me. Since then we’ve developed a genuine friendship.
I think it’s important that we, as men, push ourselves to do more of what seems to come more easily to women: building and maintaining the kind of friendships that could be a real safety net if we’re ever left alone.
But even that doesn’t make it easy. When I came home from golf that day, Suzie was out with her friends, and even for those few hours, the house felt empty without her. If a few hours can do that, I don’t know how I’d begin to prepare for longer.
Mark,
Pushing ourselves to build those friendships is so important for men, and you gave a great example. That feeling of an empty house is exactly what I feel when Rachel is away, too.
Mark, I’m like you. I have a wide array of friends in different social circles. In fact, I’m often the organizer of get-togethers. But that doesn’t change Dennis’ or your point. I’d be terribly lonely if something happened to my wife. Not sure what I would do or how I would cope.
Chrissy wants to die first. She says that I have my daughters (she has no kids), and that I have more friends. So I worry about her being without me, and like you, I am older and male, so will probably check out before her.
Some places will be more lonely than others. That favorite chair that now sits empty, the little Italian restaurant that even after 24 years being together, is still romantic everytime we dine there.
Dennis, you are so right that money can’t buy everything.
There is an interesting question here. Which is selfish and which is generous?
I have thought about this often and concluded that the person surviving is most generous by allowing the other person to avoid the pain of loss.
I fully understand, the fear is with me every day. I am 83 and Connie is 87 and fighting cancer. We are at a medical facility of some kind every week at least. Waiting for the results of every test or exam creates far more stress than the stock market dropping.
We have been married nearly 58 years. Even though we have a large family, the thought of being alone can be overwhelming.
Dick,
Thank you for sharing this. Waiting on medical tests is truly exhausting. Wishing you and Connie strength and better days ahead.
Thanks for your insightful comments from your life experience.
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