Relearning to do Nothing

It took me a few years in the work force to realize I was doing it wrong. For example, annual vacations should be a time to restore and rejuvenate. I began well enough, with vacations spent in the local library, learning photography, honing dark room skills, etc. This was stimulated by a lack of funds among other things.

I was the eldest son, and my father’s idea of enjoyment was fishing at the Chain of Lakes. We’d be up at 3am to drive there and get on the water at dawn. He would rent a row boat but had scraped enough money together for an outboard motor. I found the calm and silence to be boring. Waiting for a bite seemed to take forever, but when it occurred it was a blast of action and excitement.

My mother found her own island of serenity at a nearby bank. She had been an executive secretary prior to marriage. Stenographer, high speed typist and a dash of management and financial acumen. As soon as the youngest children were of sufficient age, off to the bank job she went.

My life took a spin in the other direction with marriage and children. Their mother was bored at home and preferred not to work, so vacations were to be adventures at Disney World, or escape or whatever. What a rat race!

But, after a few years I got back on track. I learned to sail and off we’d go for a week on the water, swimming, fishing, etc. If the weather was poor and wet the women would organize a wine tour.

Then the children began entering middle school and it was off to the suburban races. Band, sports, scouting, etc. I began a side career as chauffer. Drive to Iowa for their pole-vaulting classes, transport cub scouts, other school related activities, etc. Vacations became all about the children’s experiences. The boat was put away and eventually sold. The children’s mother thought I should be more involved and so I became a multi-faceted volunteer.

One “job” available was as an assistant scoutmaster, but I had never camped. So, I learned first by helping the cub scout pack. Later, the boys entered scouts. I found a way to attend Wood Badge, Okpic winter training, etc. We camped 12 months of the year, once at -25F. I did very well, taught youth and other adults and put it all to use with a scout troop. Sufficiently well to become a scoutmaster and I achieved the District Award of Merit as outstanding volunteer. This I was told was unusual for a scoutmaster. I missed the awards ceremony because I was literally too busy. I had a business to run, too.

Some of the girls wanted more camping adventures, so I started an Explorer post, which is a co-ed enterprise.

There were no more vacations and time off was about the children, until they went to college, or the spouse. I had once told their mother “Be careful what you wish for”. As the children approached college there were mega bills to pay. Free time had become non-existent, but, by exiting scouting some vacationing again became possible.

I’d strayed from what I had learned so many years ago. The wisdom fell to the side, not that I was unaware but because of necessity. I’m sure others find themselves in similar situations.

However, once college was over for the children and the bills paid, I began a gradual, phased retirement. I thought “Now I can again pursue nothing in particular”. But I am my own worst enemy, in a good way. I absolutely have no tolerance for systems and things that don’t work. That includes people, although sitting on the water and gently rolling in that boat with my father did teach me a modicum of patience.

I lived in what became a failing condominium, a 40 acre PUD. With bankruptcies rising, many foreclosures and rising fees it was clear to me there were serious problems. Some owners, unable to handle the fee increases begged for chores to help cover their fees.

The board talked about firing management and our primary maintenance contractor and hiring “an army of handymen” to handle maintenance. They had erroneously concluded that it was easy to run a business, something not a single one of them had ever done. I wrangled a position on the board and that again absorbed a tremendous amount of free time. I took eight years to fix it, but it was worth it.

I also began writing on financial matters, was noticed and for about 10 years I had a writing gig. When I became gravely ill, this became difficult and in 2025 the firm and I parted ways. For one thing, nothing ever seems to really change in personal finance. People largely have the same issues, concerns and questions. Some can be taught, and some are stubborn and committed to their path in life. At extremes this can be self-destructive.

Today, I again have time to reflect on a daily basis. I stretched that muscle in 2022 when I became gravely ill. With very little chance of survival, I had some decisions to make and a few important things to do. I began spending more time in a contemplative state, meditating and performing yoga. I [could] barely stand, so these were a natural thing to do. The old memories and training came back. I’d acquired them during a few decades of intense existence. Some skills never leave, they merely become quiescent, gone but not completely forgotten.

When I remarried 25 years ago, I had set aside a week or more each year for our mutual rejuvenation. G was somewhat skeptical of my approaches, but in 2002 when she became seriously ill, I transported her to the Florida Keys for some winter R&R. I had shifted into a position that allowed remote work, although it did require some effort on my part. Although she had previously travelled, she too did not approach it as a rejuvenating experience. She has altered her view.

Today we both set aside time for reflection and rejuvenation. We go to restaurants and trade stories, laugh and complain about trivial stuff.

It is nice to return to such a state of existence. It only took 60 years. Better late than never.