I was reading an article focusing on the caregiving burden on adult children.
Shocking statistics: 63 million Americans — nearly 1 in 4 adults — now provide care to an adult with health or functional needs, or to a child with a serious medical condition or disability — a record high.
Nearly half of caregivers are struggling with finances. More than 20% have taken on more debt, about a third have used up short-term savings, 30% have stopped saving, and roughly 20% are leaving bills unpaid or paying them late, according to the data. Return-to-office requirements are not helping.
More than 60% of caregivers are balancing their caregiving responsibilities while still employed. And half report they reduced hours, have taken unpaid leave, or even quit their job entirely. See link below:
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/63-million-adults-are-moonlighting-as-caregivers-with-little-support-130037767.html
We can minimize the caregiving burden for our children by moving to CCRC or assisted living, providing for long term care, downsizing and relocating closer to them, preparing a robust estate plan, and saving enough to provide for all future expenses. Even if we do these, the stress and emotional toll on children or relatives will still be significant. Many of you have experienced this already.
What should we do to make sure our children do not have to sacrifice so much when we need help due to our deteriorating health? How are your family and friends managing to provide such help to their loved ones?
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There is no one size fits all solution and even with the best of planning our adult children will likely need to help us with at least their gift of time. But isn’t that part of being in a loving family? My mother is 91-happy, healthy, and financially independent. But I manage her finances, her home, doctors’ appointments, etc… She is my mother and no one has loved and cared for me more. She is not a burden. I consider it a gift to be able to give back to her.
1) Buy long term care insurance for enough years – my mom used it for 6.5 years (about 1/2 in assisted living and about 1/2 in nursing home care) and then had 3 weeks in hospice. Realize that being in one of those you will still need help (taken to doctor apts, getting after staff if the parent’s needs aren’t being met, buying clothes, shampoo, etc. that is needed, taking the person somewhere just to get out of the place and enjoy life, etc. etc.).
2) Buy enough life insurance that your kids can then restock their savings, retirement accounts, etc. if they ended up spending money they wouldn’t have otherwise spent (which would also include “lost income”). Don’t just give it out equal amounts to each kid – rather if one kid is doing most of the care they should get more as they gave up more – explain this in ADVANCE and in detail prior to your death and in your will. Make sure there is a clause in your will that if another kid took over and you weren’t together enough to change your will they get more than the kid who did little to nothing (which may well be due to distance rather than something else).
3) Be open with your kids with everything from finances to needs.
That’s a great suggestion about the life insurance, especially if you do it well in advance of needing care. That’s one of the biggest issues for children providing care for parents—lost income/savings because you’re helping the parent, and if you don’t have your own kids able and willing to do the same, you could be in poverty in your own old age.
Also absolutely right about there still needing to be someone nearby when a loved one is in residential care—yes, the basic safety and care needs are met, but there’s still the need for oversight and support. This is why people should consider moving near a family member as they age if they don’t live close already.