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My wife is the child of an Irish mother and a Punjabi father, a family dynamic that has taken on a much deeper meaning for me as I’ve gotten older. I can’t speak for the nearly one billion people on the Indian subcontinent or the vast diaspora of Indian families around the world, but the extended Punjabi family I’ve known for forty years makes family the bedrock of their lives.
I’ve essentially been adopted into their family and culture. I suppose once they realized I wasn’t going anywhere, they decided they might as well educate this “Irish savage” in Indian culture and their way of thinking. This experience has meaningfully shifted my mindset.
I’ve achieved reasonable material success through a combination of luck, happenstance, and years of hard work. Reaching retirement has given me the perspective to see that while this materialistic side of life is essential, it’s not the most important element. What matters most to me is the connection with my immediate and close extended family.
At this moment, I’m wearing a Rakhi bracelet, tied to my wrist by my “cousin sister” during Raksha Bandhan. It will remain on my wrist until it falls off, a daily reminder of the close, deep-rooted family who cares for me as one of their own.
I’ve come to realize that the things I spent a lifetime accumulating—wealth, status, and possessions—don’t provide the same fulfillment as human connection. Without this bond, my retirement would be diminished and a mere shadow of its true potential.
But my Punjabi family has also taught me something else: that families have responsibilities to each other, especially during times of loss and uncertainty. When someone passes, you don’t scatter—you come together. You honor their memory by protecting what they built and caring for those they leave behind.
This deeper appreciation for human connection, perfectly symbolized by the Rakhi on my wrist, brings me to humble dollar and the tragic passing of Jonathan. The community he’s created is a family of sorts for many, and I think and hope we can act with the same dignity and respect I’ve learned from my Indian family—to keep this site from fragmenting and keep our little online family together. RIP Jonathan.
Mark, what a great observation, and I share it as a fellow adoptee of another culture. I have no immediate family of my own — my closest blood relative is a first cousin in Israel — so my family is my Chinese, devoutly Buddhist wife and her family members who live with us. I revel in the closeness, the clatter in the kitchen, the group dog-walking, and their chanting. And now that one in our household is facing end-stage cancer, I cherish our togetherness and teamwork. It’s a late-in-life gift to my heart. I know they will similarly care for me when my time comes.
Incidentally, I too wear a bracelet — a burgundy-colored rubber one with a Buddhist prayer inscribed by my wife, who makes them and gives them away to everybody. She’s convinced it protects my health.
Love this story. I also married into an Asian family and this Midwestern kid has had the same experience. Thanks for sharing.
Also love this: “On the rare occasion that a post appears that I don’t agree with, or that doesn’t interest me, I simply choose to not comment. I see no need for making a disparaging remark.” — This site wouid be a better place if this mutual respectfulness was followed by all.
That is surely my hope as well.
On the rare occasion that a post appears that I don’t agree with, or that doesn’t interest me, I simply choose to not comment. I see no need for making a disparaging remark.
Furthermore Crothers, I had to google Rakhi Bracelets; it seems you have expanded my world a bit more. Thanks for another great post.
Should anyone need me, I’ll be faffing about in the backyard.
Just trying to expand your knowledge base lol