Can a parent ever say to their “not my problem?”

A question for discussion. Is an eighteen year old an adult? Do you expect an 18 year old to pay their bills, to be on their own for college?

Several years ago on HD someone wrote in a comment that when their child reach age 18, they were done. They expected them out of the house and they were on their own.  Another wrote that when their youngest child graduated high school, the were relocating south and leaving the child behind. 

One blogger I read who retired at 33 bragged that when his 11 year old asked if he was going to pay for her college, he told her no.

Frankly, I don’t understand those points of view. In my view an 18-year old brain is not that of an adult. A child is the parents obligation until they are truly on their own, earning a living. Even then there are times when help is appropriate.

And no, I am not talking about the 25 year old lounging in the basement playing video games all day. 

I am especially convinced that to the extent feasible parents have a responsibility to pay for college. 

In a recent post on HD from 2017 Jonathan wrote “Can you afford to help your kids with college costs? It’s important to talk to your teenagers early on about how much financial assistance you can offer—and that’s doubly true if they’ll need to shoulder much or all of the cost.”

Wise advice indeed. Defining “afford” is critical. In my example of the 11 year old, the family takes three or four international trips a year. 

Some families view college the same way they view housing, food, or healthcare while growing up—as part of supporting a child until they’re established.

Others argue college is the student’s responsibility because:

• Once someone is an adult, they should make their own financial decisions.
• Students will value education more if they pay part of it themselves. I doubt that when they are burdened with debt for 20 years. 

Is there any point when a child needs financial assistance you feel comfortable/justified simply saying “not my problem?”