Agree on the Die with Zero book - a lot of good points in there especially about giving it to your kids when they need it most. We've been doing that and my sons are truly appreciative and it makes me happy to see them using the money while we're alive. We also spend money on travel and our house - because yes, we earned it and we don't feel guilty at all.
Interesting idea, but for me that's a hard pass. As someone who worked 2 jobs and completed 6 years of college at night while working 50 hours a week, I'm where I am today because of the work I put in and the sacrifices I made. My sister on the other hand, married 3 times, worked rarely, filed for bankruptcy 3 times, and is always looking for a handout. My brother hates the so-called establishment, so he works infrequently doing odd jobs and at 50 years old, and is like my sister, always looking for a handout from my 80-year-old mother. They both know better than to ask me, because I am not an enabler. It's the old story of teaching someone to fish vs. handing them the fish. My husband and I help our children along the way, and when we pass, they along with our favorite charities will receive OUR money. I would never support giving my money back to the government to do as they like.
On a related note, the health of SS relies on people putting money into the system. Of course, we know that the boomers are retiring and not putting money into social security but I'd also point out that our trend in the decreasing population is worrisome. I worked for a baby food company in 1995. The birth rate then, in the US, was about 3.9 million annually (14.9% per thousand population). 1957 had the highest number of births at about 4.3 million (25.3%). The birth rate has been steadily declining and in 2020, the birth rate declined to 10.9% with 3.6 million births.
Thanks for sharing your Dad's story. My Dad suffered from Alzheimer's for 12 years. I know he did not want to live like that but we had to all watch him suffer for years. Outside of Switzerland, there are not a lot of options for non-terminal people with full mental capacity. Maybe someday we can specify how we'd like to go should we become severely mentally incapacitated.
Many of my friends in their late 50s are reading Die with Zero and taking it to heart. In other words, spend in your 60s while you have the energy and physical capabilities. I agree to an extent. I've watched my father and mother-in-law live until their mid-90s, ending up in assisted living centers and spending every last cent they had. My Dad just passed at 88 after a 12-year battle with Alzheimer's. His monthly expenses were in excess of $9,000 per month, leaving my 84-year-old mom with reduced income for the rest of her life. These types of money decisions are fraught with what-ifs. Your money can go very quickly when 2 people need expensive care. Of course, Medicaid or state funds can kick in, but not for the types of places you'd like to stay in.
Great article! I work in HR at a large tech company. Over the last 6 months, attrition has been well above average. The younger generation understands that moving from one company to another is the fastest way to move the needle on salary and responsibility. The number one reason people stay put vs leaving? Fear of change. I've heard this many times. So many people are afraid of the unknown and not willing to risk what they have (even if they're unhappy). I tell my sons not to be loyal to a company and to make moves every 2 years while they're young unless they're being fast-tracked at their current company.
You did a great job laying out the benefits of a dog (companionship, unconditional love, etc.) and also what it really takes from a responsibility standpoint, and the impact on the wallet. Being a responsible dog owner is a lot of work and takes time and commitment, but there are rewards I'm in my late 50s with kids in their early 20s. I have friends who say, now that your kids are older you need a dog! I tell them my husband and I really enjoy not having the responsibility that comes with one and we're enjoying our freedom. We can go away for the day, or the weekend, and not have to worry about rushing home to let the dog out or finding a pet sitter. Our house stays clean and I don't have to get up at 6:00 am to take the dog for a walk (or pick up poop). And, no guilt for not spending enough time with the dog! Most of our friends have dogs so if I want a dog fix, I just go to their house. I. will say that if I lived alone, I might get one though.
I left my job to stay home with my kids when my husband was transferred to a new city. I also lived in Mass. The amount left from my paycheck, the long commute, the long hours, the stress from being gone from the house (cooking/cleaning, etc), and rushing to/from daycare became too much. I stayed home with the kids for ten years. I went back when they were in middle/high school and it was tough making a re-entry into the working world. Housing was expensive at that time, but comparatively not what it is right now. You and your wife are in a tough situation with no easy answers. I wish you and your family the best and hope things are able to work out for you.
Comments
Love the family trip idea as a way to spend money - it benefits everyone and you get to enjoy time together.
Post: Giving Advice
Link to comment from April 7, 2025
Agree on the Die with Zero book - a lot of good points in there especially about giving it to your kids when they need it most. We've been doing that and my sons are truly appreciative and it makes me happy to see them using the money while we're alive. We also spend money on travel and our house - because yes, we earned it and we don't feel guilty at all.
Post: Giving Advice
Link to comment from April 7, 2025
Interesting idea, but for me that's a hard pass. As someone who worked 2 jobs and completed 6 years of college at night while working 50 hours a week, I'm where I am today because of the work I put in and the sacrifices I made. My sister on the other hand, married 3 times, worked rarely, filed for bankruptcy 3 times, and is always looking for a handout. My brother hates the so-called establishment, so he works infrequently doing odd jobs and at 50 years old, and is like my sister, always looking for a handout from my 80-year-old mother. They both know better than to ask me, because I am not an enabler. It's the old story of teaching someone to fish vs. handing them the fish. My husband and I help our children along the way, and when we pass, they along with our favorite charities will receive OUR money. I would never support giving my money back to the government to do as they like.
Post: Giving Advice
Link to comment from April 7, 2025
On a related note, the health of SS relies on people putting money into the system. Of course, we know that the boomers are retiring and not putting money into social security but I'd also point out that our trend in the decreasing population is worrisome. I worked for a baby food company in 1995. The birth rate then, in the US, was about 3.9 million annually (14.9% per thousand population). 1957 had the highest number of births at about 4.3 million (25.3%). The birth rate has been steadily declining and in 2020, the birth rate declined to 10.9% with 3.6 million births.
Post: Should Social Security benefits be income tax free?
Link to comment from January 31, 2025
Thanks for sharing your Dad's story. My Dad suffered from Alzheimer's for 12 years. I know he did not want to live like that but we had to all watch him suffer for years. Outside of Switzerland, there are not a lot of options for non-terminal people with full mental capacity. Maybe someday we can specify how we'd like to go should we become severely mentally incapacitated.
Post: Long Odds
Link to comment from May 6, 2024
Many of my friends in their late 50s are reading Die with Zero and taking it to heart. In other words, spend in your 60s while you have the energy and physical capabilities. I agree to an extent. I've watched my father and mother-in-law live until their mid-90s, ending up in assisted living centers and spending every last cent they had. My Dad just passed at 88 after a 12-year battle with Alzheimer's. His monthly expenses were in excess of $9,000 per month, leaving my 84-year-old mom with reduced income for the rest of her life. These types of money decisions are fraught with what-ifs. Your money can go very quickly when 2 people need expensive care. Of course, Medicaid or state funds can kick in, but not for the types of places you'd like to stay in.
Post: Long Odds
Link to comment from May 6, 2024
I'm with you! It's a tradeoff but I prefer the freedom of being dog-free.
Post: Puppy Love
Link to comment from October 27, 2022
Great article! I work in HR at a large tech company. Over the last 6 months, attrition has been well above average. The younger generation understands that moving from one company to another is the fastest way to move the needle on salary and responsibility. The number one reason people stay put vs leaving? Fear of change. I've heard this many times. So many people are afraid of the unknown and not willing to risk what they have (even if they're unhappy). I tell my sons not to be loyal to a company and to make moves every 2 years while they're young unless they're being fast-tracked at their current company.
Post: Make More Money
Link to comment from October 22, 2022
You did a great job laying out the benefits of a dog (companionship, unconditional love, etc.) and also what it really takes from a responsibility standpoint, and the impact on the wallet. Being a responsible dog owner is a lot of work and takes time and commitment, but there are rewards I'm in my late 50s with kids in their early 20s. I have friends who say, now that your kids are older you need a dog! I tell them my husband and I really enjoy not having the responsibility that comes with one and we're enjoying our freedom. We can go away for the day, or the weekend, and not have to worry about rushing home to let the dog out or finding a pet sitter. Our house stays clean and I don't have to get up at 6:00 am to take the dog for a walk (or pick up poop). And, no guilt for not spending enough time with the dog! Most of our friends have dogs so if I want a dog fix, I just go to their house. I. will say that if I lived alone, I might get one though.
Post: Puppy Love
Link to comment from October 22, 2022
I left my job to stay home with my kids when my husband was transferred to a new city. I also lived in Mass. The amount left from my paycheck, the long commute, the long hours, the stress from being gone from the house (cooking/cleaning, etc), and rushing to/from daycare became too much. I stayed home with the kids for ten years. I went back when they were in middle/high school and it was tough making a re-entry into the working world. Housing was expensive at that time, but comparatively not what it is right now. You and your wife are in a tough situation with no easy answers. I wish you and your family the best and hope things are able to work out for you.
Post: Bringing Up Baby
Link to comment from May 20, 2022