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LAST MONTH MARKED 40 years of wedded bliss for my wife and me. I’m amazed at how fast the time has gone. I still remember the day we met. It was at a party celebrating her high school graduation. I gave her a ride to pick up a pack of cigarettes, all the while lecturing her on the dangers of smoking. I believe I saved her from a lifetime of smoking. She saved me from everything else.
We’ve been blessed these past 40 years with a large and wonderful family, friends, great careers and now the chance for a happy retirement. We’ve had our challenges for sure, including early financial struggles, family troubles, illnesses, elder care and career hiccups. Through it all, we worked together and got through the tough times.
I’ve heard it said that love and a long-lasting marriage are a choice. I know there were many days my wife woke up, and decided to stay in love and married to me, even though she may not have liked me very much that day.
Both of our parents had long marriages. They were hardly perfect, but they showed what it meant to stay faithful and committed, despite lots of flaws and challenges.
This shaped my wife and me, and seems to have rubbed off on our two sons. They both married fantastic women—beautiful, strong, smart, loving, independent. Just like their mother. They have given us near-perfect grandsons—grandpas can say such things—and they’re excellent parents. We couldn’t be more proud.
Lest you fear that I’ll keep waxing poetic about marriage, let me be a bit more prosaic—and mention the economic benefits:
Succesful relationships are about a lot of things. To me, that includes love, attraction, friendship, respect and shared values. Financial hardship is a common reason for divorce, so it’s important to be on the same page when it comes to money.
If one partner is frugal and the other is a spendthrift, a couple needs to figure out a happy medium. We were lucky. Neither of us is a big spender, although we like nice things. We both believe in being generous when we can. But we never let money problems stop us from doing the things that are important to us.
When we were a young family, expensive vacations weren’t in the budget. But with a Coleman tent, some Sears sleeping bags, a borrowed camp stove and a cooler, we explored Pennsylvania’s state parks, Virginia’s Blue Ridge region, the Adirondacks, Niagara Falls and coastal Maine. Those trips are some of our best memories. We’ve worked hard to provide for our retirement. Now that it’s here, we plan on making a lot more memories.
Rick, thank you for a wonderful article on marriage. In many ways my life has been very similar to yours. My wife and I were both born to long lived, long married, hard working savers. We were blessed with 46 years of marriage, three children and wonderful son and daughters in law. Unfortunately my wife was diagnosed with dementia shortly after we retired in 2014 and passed away in January of this year. I was able to care for her at home until the last 5 months when we had to have additional help. Taking care of her was an honor and a joy. From the time we dated, we were best friends and enjoyed being together. The last few months, even when she didn’t know my name, she knew I loved her because I was there and I could tell she loved me. As you mentioned, a lot goes into having a good marriage, but the rewards are immeasurable.
Thanks for the beautiful story. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you have a wonderful family, and beautiful memories.
Great article, Rick, and the summary of practical benefits is encouraging for those of us lucky enough to be happily married. My wife and I have 34 years under our belts and my parents managed 65.