MY COLLEGE BUDDY Joe really looked forward to retirement. But in the weeks and months following his last day of work, he began to realize he didn’t have a core group of friends with whom to share his newfound freedom. Those he counted as friends were simply friendly workplace acquaintances. And several people who he thought might become deeper friends were still busy working and couldn’t “come out to play.”
So, after retiring two years ago,
MY WIFE AND I DROVE back from Arizona in June, so we could spend the summer months here in Minnesota. We took a longer but more scenic route through Utah and Colorado, and saw many natural wonders, including several national parks and the Rocky Mountains.
How did we spend our “windshield time”? Knowing we had an upcoming meeting with our financial planner, we discussed our work and our finances, along with when it might make sense for each of us to retire.
AT A PARTY GIVEN BY a billionaire on affluent Shelter Island, New York, author Kurt Vonnegut informs his friend, Joseph Heller, that their host had recently made more money in a single day than Heller had earned in total from his hugely popular novel, Catch-22.
To that, Heller replies, “But I have something he will never have.”
“And what is that?” asks Vonnegut.
“Enough,” says Heller. “Enough.”
The story may be apocryphal—I’ve read a similar version featuring J.D.
I’M A BIG BELIEVER in retiring gradually, rather than declaring you’re done on a single retirement day. This lessens the change to your routine and your identity. One of the main appeals of a phased approach to retirement is that you can craft it to meet your needs. You may want to shift from fulltime work to part-time consulting, or perhaps lend your talents to a nonprofit or a startup.
To do that, you’ll need to figure out what you want,
I ENJOY PLAYING GOLF with friends and colleagues, but my game never seems to improve. Like many, I’m busy with my career and other activities, so I don’t make it a point to practice and, when I do, it’s rarely with an instructor.
Instead, when I head to the driving range to hit balls, it’s without a clear notion of what aspect of my game I’m going to concentrate on. It’s a trial-and-error process that’s modestly helpful at best.
AH, SUMMER. Over the July 4 weekend, we spent time relaxing at our neighbor’s house. A three-year-old jumped into the pool from the diving board for the first time. He had a big smile and many supporters.
It’s always fun to chat with neighbors we haven’t seen for a while, and also meet new visitors. One man swimming with his kids turned out to be an investigative reporter for a local news station. We didn’t talk for long,
THERE’S AN OLD JEST that goes, “How can you tell if someone is a runner?” The answer: “Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.”
I’m a runner and have enjoyed running for more than 20 years. For me, it’s not about aspiring to go farther and be faster. It’s more about being outdoors, getting my heart rate up, clearing my head and just moving my body.
This spring finds me training for a half marathon that I’ll run with my son.
AT THE PUBLIC POOL where I swam growing up, each hour’s mandatory safety break ended with the announcement that, “You may slowly reenter the water.”
There were two kinds of swimmers during those hot, humid Iowa summers. One group didn’t even hear the entire announcement. They were already enthusiastically running, yelling and jumping feet-first into the pool. The other group walked to the pool, tested the water with one foot and then waded in bit by bit,
Comments
I think you could write an entire post about how to know when "it's time!" And you're spot on that you're going to be the same person pre and post-retirement. I love your examples - and it sounds like with your living arrangements you truly have the best of both worlds.
Post: Some Friendly Advice
Link to comment from January 19, 2024
Yes, a move makes it tough as you sever some of the relationships in an area. I've heard from others that 55+ (or similar) communities are like starting college. No one is "from" there, many are of similar ages and interests...and everyone wants to know where you're from, whether you're still working, and what your interests are. You meet some friends...then you meet their friends...and so on.
Post: Some Friendly Advice
Link to comment from January 19, 2024
Thanks for the comment, and the delineation of 'colleague vs. friend.' I'm not as familiar with Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRCs) so I'm glad you shared your experience - I'm going to learn more.
Post: Some Friendly Advice
Link to comment from January 19, 2024
Ah, I appreciate that, Rick. We should strive to be the one who initiates conversations, lunches, etc. with friends. And we shouldn't 'keep score' in terms of who's being the catalyst; we should just enjoy getting together and invariably we'll hear, "You're so good at staying in touch with others."
Post: Some Friendly Advice
Link to comment from January 19, 2024
Thanks for the comment, Edmund. I've found that we also need to be vulnerable enough to ASK others for help. We're so tuned to do it ourselves, and yet asking others for help can endear us and deepen the friendship.
Post: Some Friendly Advice
Link to comment from January 19, 2024
Thanks for your reply, Rick. Very astute advice from someone who's 2 years into the retirement journey. I hope you're enjoying your retirement and continuing those fruitful conversations.
Post: Dance of Coordination
Link to comment from August 11, 2023
David, having that additional perspective and assessments can help with your own analysis. They've seen many situations while we mostly see only ours! We still have to be our own advocate and can't hand off the ultimate decisions. Thanks for your comment.
Post: Dance of Coordination
Link to comment from August 11, 2023
Agreed, Edmund. There may never be a "perfect time" to have these conversations but we can certainly make time in meaningful increments that help us understand each other's perspectives. Drive time, even in relatively short bursts is a great way to ask your partner how they're feeling about your readiness.
Post: Dance of Coordination
Link to comment from August 8, 2023
Right on, Mytime!
Post: Dance of Coordination
Link to comment from August 8, 2023
Right you are, Winston. We covered all of that (and more, like the LTC I mention above) in detail when we had our financial "professional help" session last month!
Post: Dance of Coordination
Link to comment from August 8, 2023